|Reviews for Spiral Illusion|
| FateBurn chapter 2 . 1/2/2009
good chapter hope you dont take another 4 months for the next chapter.
| gaul1 chapter 2 . 1/2/2009
nice chapter, byes
| imgonnadie chapter 2 . 1/2/2009
| Elemental Dragon Swordman chapter 2 . 1/2/2009
I don't see what's wrong in controlling your chakra efficiently. You can learn more jutsu that requires a little bit more chakra that you need to control so you can get the right amount.
| Christopher Kidwell chapter 2 . 1/2/2009
Well, that's the impossible mission that Kurenai sets for Naruto at the end of this chapter... controlling his chakra more 'efficiently'? As if: with the fox seal messing with his chakra, as well as having no way to separate his demonic and regular chakra... it's going to be impossible!
Though, if anyone can manage to do that... Kurenai can get him to do that.
| Androvidius chapter 1 . 1/2/2009
| Banana again chapter 1 . 11/28/2008
Forgot to say something... Yes Naru/Kure! :D (please? :D) And I like the ending... the last paragraph.
| Banana chapter 1 . 11/28/2008
Very intriguing setup... This is the first time I've seen the senseis switched around rather than the students and teams mixed up. A bit of a shaky start...
-The switching from past to present tense was tap-dancing on my grammatical correctness nerve, but it's a common mistake; since the story is told in past tense, though, you may want to make it uniform.
-Another thing is in the very beginning... you don't think that sandwiching a single paragraph with the same phrase for dramatic effect is counterproductive?
-The second time you use the colon, right after Akatsuki... not sure that's proper usage.
-I know the story is based on the idea that Naruto becomes the strongest genjutsu user of Konoha, but I wonder about the logic presented for the setup... After all, isn't the Sharingan supposed to be an effective counter against most genjutsu techniques as well?
-Capitalizing titles is all well and good, but it's not necessary when you're using them as descriptions. For example:
Haruno, the doctor
So that would apply to things like ninja, academy professor, genin, berserker ninja, illusionary specialist... You do, however, capitalize them when directly addressing them as such. So when you capitalized "Chunin" in the exchange between Iruka and the Sandaime, it was proper.
Another small thing with capitalization is that if you're in the middle of a sentence, you don't need to capitalize words just because they follow an ellipsis(...).
-Punctuation when transitioning between dialogue and tag line is erratic, but usually it's the periods. For example:
"Pleased to meet you." Kurenai said...
is supposed to be
"Pleased to meet you," Kurenai said...
Also, punctuation always goes within the quotation marks. You do it in dialogue, but you don't do it for other purposes. For example, at the beginning, you say:
"little bundle of sun kissed joy".
when it should be
"little bundle of sun kissed joy."
There are a couple of comma splices (unnecessary commas), but those aren't quite as glaring as the other things. Same with the run-on sentence(s). For example:
She had seen him grow up alone, she couldn't let
should be split into two sentences with a period:
She had seen him grow up alone. She couldn't let
or joined by a semicolon:
She had seen him grow up alone; she couldn't let
or joined by a comma and a conjunction:
She had seen him grow up alone, and she couldn't
let this continue.
-Little things. Like "the bubblegum Ninja-in-training" - obviously it refers to Sakura's hair color (a deduction reached through exposure to common usage, since hair color is not mentioned either), but it sounds like she is made of bubblegum.
-You don't have to pack emotion into every single action.
I hope you will not take these harshly, since I think you have a good fic here, and I would hate to see it go. Press on! *good-guy pose*
| imgonnadie chapter 1 . 11/26/2008
Excellent start. Please do continue to write.
| Chibi-Aeri-Chan chapter 1 . 10/7/2008
I like your new story... i really have no clue what to say...!
| X-219 chapter 1 . 9/1/2008
| Starfire99 chapter 1 . 8/23/2008
Interesting start, though I'll reserve judgment until more is written.
| Siriusly Grim chapter 1 . 8/20/2008
| Tsubasa no Michi chapter 1 . 8/19/2008
Is there any reason suddenly everyone calls the Sandaime 'Sasuke'? It's ridiculous, come on.
Nice premise though, I'll put this on my alerts.
| The Dark Knight of Gotham chapter 1 . 8/16/2008