|Reviews for Unreachable Desire|
| ThunderRiver411 chapter 1 . 10/27/2008
This is a nice poem. Check out my story when you have time.
| Absol Master chapter 1 . 8/4/2008
Amazing, amazing. I like Venemoth too, and I think that it DOES get too little attention.
Your poem is touching, to say it basically. The last stanza is really the best. The metaphors are good, especially the line with the "wilted petals" phrase. Great job.
The rhymes were a little stiff, though they do make perfect sense.
The line "Humans love to use me as bait." could be changed, but that's about it. The rest is good.
"Arsenic" and "mercury" shouldn't be capitalised, and "sickening sweetness" doesn't sound so nice, if you know what I mean. Maybe another adjective might be better in that case?
I also wondered how Venomoth would know if flowers smell sweet or not, if it has never smelt one. You could change that line to imply that Venomoth was told of flowers' "sweetness", and not that it knows what flowers smell like. I wonder if HTML code works in here...
Anyway, that was a really great poem. The advice I gave is up to you to follow. you can edit your poem any time between now and 20th October, and I'll read it again after the contest closes. Thanks for taking part!
| Drakaine chapter 1 . 8/4/2008
Too right. Venomoth needs more attention. D: Grass and Poison types are awesome.
| Regii chapter 1 . 8/4/2008
Aw, how sad. I feel bad for that Venomoth. (Cries)
Good poem, and you're right. Bug and Poison types don't get any respect. There's no bug or poison Legendary either, which is depressing.
I like Venomoth too. I had a kick-ass one on my old Leafgreen, it owned everything. Well, good job Celebaby, keep up the good work! (Heart)