|Reviews for Houses of the Holy|
| G chapter 11 . 10/15/2009
"Yes, he’s going to be a damn sight more perverted in this, but I don’t intend to make a cheap comedy act out of it." Good, most usually go way overboard with the pervert act.
I have to say I first kind of expected Naruto to eat like Kakashi. You know, without actually showing his face. Then I remembered that he was ordered to look like that, and probably haven't used that outfit more than the time it took to get used to it.
| G chapter 10 . 10/15/2009
It wasn't bad, but it wasn't great either. "Good enough" would probably be about right.
I was a bit disappointed Kauru wasn't killed, though I wasn't sure what you'd do before I read it. So on that note you're awesome compared to most writers around here, or even some professionals. Also the weakness you gave Gaara makes it less believable that he survived Jounin assassination attempts for so long.
| G chapter 9 . 10/15/2009
"Why is Uchiha Sasuke still alive?" The easiest and most obvious answer to this is "Kishimoto thinks him as his idol image. Sasuke is a manga Gary-Stu.". Any other answer would be much too long for me to type in this review. Mostly because there are very few things in the manga that you can use for answering this question.
I think there should be some mention of Konoha when the Kage Bunshin is brought up. As I'm quite sure it was either the Shodaime or the Nidaime (87 percent sure it was the Second) Hokage that created the technique. Now that I think about it I'll have to check exactly what it was, but I'm dead certain the Nidaime had something to do with it.
I wonder how you'll handle the preliminary fights. I hope it won't be an almost complete ripoff. The fights are usually what's bad about Chunin Exam stories. Mostly because they are pretty much exactly the same.
| G chapter 8 . 10/15/2009
"Sai has informed me.." I would just like to point out that it was a name given to him when he was assigned to Team 7. It still would've been worse if you named him something else.
"..but his obsession with hunting down poor Itachi.." This made me laugh.
"Naruto looked on in amusement as the Uchiha was accosted by a blond kunoichi who sported a long ponytail." I just couldn't resist the temptation. It should be "blonde kunoichi", with an "e". I probably wouldn't have mentioned it if it wasn't for the chapter being so good.
This looks promising. It wouldn't have if you hadn't written the Rain arc.
| G chapter 7 . 10/15/2009
"Find out next time in Wave Country – where Naruto fanfiction goes to die!" Too true. For many different reasons.
I like how Naruto got a different contract. One that wasn't Dragon, Demon Fox or something similar.
"Will Kakashi beat him like a drum and call him an evil demon monster thing? Will Naruto teach Inari to never give up? Will Haku teach him an important lesson that I can reference again and again later in the story?" This was amusing. I hope "No" will be the answer to all three questions. I suspect it will be too.
| G chapter 6 . 10/15/2009
Hanzou was a bit too crude. The swearing just seemed thrown in there just because you felt like it. For some odd reason.
"Pain watched the man leap with terrible speed.." Not sure that word was what you were looking for. It almost looks like he's slow.. At least that was what I first thought, before remembering that he's one of the strongest shinobi alive.
You didn't like the whole "I am God" part of Pain? I thought it added character. It wasn't until he was easily defeated in Konoha, caved from Naruto's words and revived every person he killed that I became completely indifferent to his canon character. Kishimoto really isn't good at making up stories. He should've kept the same feel as his best part, the Wave Arc. I would've been able to stand the whole "unbeatable good guy" thing most run with then (Sasuke is included in this, no matter what Kishimoto actually believes himself). Now it's just a trainwreck.
I liked the chapter. Felt mostly like an interlude(sp?) though.
| G chapter 5 . 10/15/2009
Perfect characterization of Hanzou. I loved it.
| G chapter 4 . 10/14/2009
"A bijuu is a tailed beast." That's like saying Kyuubi is a ninetails(?). Also "tailed beast" is much too open to interpretation. It's anything from a small mouse to a tiger to an elephant. Nitpicking is amusing sometimes.
"It is possible, but for that to happen the seal would have to weaken over a decade or more. I cannot be sure if it is even possible." Just thought you should be aware of this. If you weren't already.
Well, Naruto's character so far is good enough. I think. He seems older somehow. Perhaps it's because you gave him a brain to go with his instincts.
I'm looking forward to his learning to cut things up. Shouldn't be too long now. Unless you're having him return to Konoha before Pain and Konan (where did she go?) decide to teach him.
I just remembered the Bunshin, or Naruto's inability to use it. It should just be a matter of control. Which is what he seriously lacked when he was still in the Academy. So when he's older (in your fic, before he's ten) he should be able to use it with relative ease. Of course, a Naruto without the Kage Bunshin isn't really a Naruto worth reading. Your way of giving it to him was much better than what most do. It's usually some really weak excuse. One which pretty much translates to, "Here, have a potentially suicidal technique." With no explanation at all.
Anyway, back to the Bunshin. It's kind of annoying, the near magical ability to not being capable of using the Bunshin technique that most writers curse Naruto with. Just because he, a drop-out, couldn't perform it properly as a child.
| G chapter 3 . 10/14/2009
"Chakra is the life energy that all living organisms produce. It consists of the spiritual energy found in all life combined with the physical energy of the creature’s form. In our case, the body’s health is a good indicator of physical energy. By combining both spiritual and physical energy, a ninja can create and mold chakra to perform a nearly unlimited number of feats that most beings have no hope of achieving. What separates ninjas and nin-animals from most creatures is the ability to perform this manipulation to produce a desired result." Ah, I see now. It was much shorter to just say life energy. You're up to a solid ten!
| G chapter 2 . 10/14/2009
I thought the huge AN at the beginning of the first chapter was a one time thing. So I didn't comment on it before. Still, I've seen much longer. With one on either end, both being almost as long as the chapter itself.. ah, the memories.
This was supposed to be the last so I guess it was rather pointless to comment on it. Unless you for some reason threw a few in later on.
"You can think of it as your life’s energy. It flows through your body and helps keep you going. Without chakra, you’d die." It's an energy mixed by mental and physical energies. So the chakra itself don't have much to do with life or death. But I suppose it was just a simple explanation to make Naruto understand at least a little bit. Seems a bit odd though, as "life energy" would be as difficult to understand as a mix of two other energies, if not more so.
Of course, you made chakra and life energy exactly the same thing. I don't really like that. It seems less serious, or not as logical. Too spiritual I guess. It's not what I'm expecting when I'm reading a Naruot fanfic. I don't really understand why people do this either. Perhaps it's because of the eight(?) chakras that is an idea that is widely spread in our world. Still don't make sense if the writer has read to even Zabuza's and Kakashi's first fight. Kakashi should've died then and there if that odd theory was true. Chakra exhaustion remember?
Still, as long as it's not mentioned or someone actually dies from that in a fight (the most embarassing way to lose?) it's something I won't mind too much. It's just that most of the time when chakra and life energy is described as the same thing it's rubbed in the reader's face every other sentence for some reason or other. I don't think that would be an issue in this story though.
"Konoha didn’t really have any slums since any residents with less than legal inclinations were quickly apprehended and dealt with by the patrolling ninja. Those that couldn’t afford to live cleanly in the city generally packed up and left before they were forced to resort to the more seedy occupations." I think that's the first time I've seen something like that in writing. Mostly people just assume there are slums in the village. Even though it's probably not big enough to have them, without the whole village being a bit run down at least. It is a village after all.
If this story continues in this way I must say I've found a new story for my top five. Third or fourth of the Naruto fics I've read. It would be a nine out of ten. It would've been a ten if not for life force chakra. It's like all those Dragon Ball crossovers..
It's really the most interesting child!Naruto I've read yet. Even counting the "new Genin" part of stories.
| G chapter 1 . 10/14/2009
I don't really like your characterization of Danzou. He seems too weak.
Other than that, I don't think there was anything else. Except someone of Kakashi's calibre patrolling the village instead of hunting marks outside of it. Also a very good start.
| weirdperson chapter 12 . 10/6/2009
Awesome story i hope to jashin-sama that it isn't dead even though it has been along time since u updated
| Demon Shadow5000 chapter 12 . 9/28/2009
this fic better not be dead. i have ways off keeping authors writing. this fic rocks
| Lord of Murder chapter 1 . 9/17/2009
m so good.
| IVIaedhros chapter 12 . 9/17/2009
Let it be known that Sai is a genius.