|Reviews for Year 1: Gwyn Swann and the Sorcerer's Stone|
| stephaniekit chapter 5 . 1/28/2012
| The Agent of Fire chapter 18 . 1/5/2012
I really liked this story. It was well written and I liked the changes you made by adding Gwyn into the mix. I also like Gwyn's character, by the way, although I have to admit I was a bit surprised that you didn't have her join in the fight with Ron, Neville, Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle. Just seemed like something she would do, but I guess she was too focused on Harry to pay attention.
Anyway, really great job. Gotta go read the next story now. Hopefully it's as great as this one. ;)
| Zecrea chapter 18 . 12/16/2010
I'm surprised this hasn't gotten more reviews. It's really quite well written, and who doesn't enjoy an OC story that seems to have good and solid character development?
I really quite enjoyed reading this, and am looking forward to starting on reading the sequel. (After the first 2 lines on Chapter 1, I immediately went to your profile to check for them. :D)
| CheshireEmu57 chapter 6 . 8/14/2009
This is a really good story... Trying to write one similar (like making up a random character to go to Hogwarts, intertwining their life with HP characters)Good detail, and I like the accuracy.
| spannieren chapter 18 . 7/13/2009
great fic :)
| Lady Elizabeth of New York chapter 18 . 5/11/2009
A brilliant beginning. Although I must warn you that Gwyn has none Mary-Sue traits. By the way what are the parings?
| Marissa chapter 18 . 1/31/2009
They didn't lose 100 points by being caught by Filch so Gryffindor would have won anyways
| Yemi Hikari chapter 2 . 1/9/2009
I have to say... Gwen isn't a Mary Sue... but some of the small things in the fanfic make her look like one to some people. In both of the chapters I've read, she's a well rounded, well developed OC and she is believable... so far. That is what makes a Mary Sue... they're unbelievable.
Anyways... I have to ask, what is the deal with the water. It is very vague as to what happened and it is one of those someone confusing points... like the Halloween night in the last chapter. The way it was worded can confuse some readers. What I am left asking is... did she acidently use her powers to embaress herself, or was it someone picking on her? It isn't very clear what the incident with the water exactly is.
Also... the words "shining star" cause some problems. I had to reread it a few times. I beleive that what you meant was that her mother was a good one in her family, much like Black was concidered thus in his. However, what I was originally thinking that you meant from it was that her mother was a very great witch and was good at her skills. You may want to rephrase the sentences so it is clearer.
Oh... and some of the paragraphs are twice the length of the others. Anyways... I again have to say that Gwen is so far not a Sue, but there are a few things that are not exactly clear in your fanfic. For example, I pointed out in the last one about her mother... because of the fact most Deatheaters were in hiding... I think you get the point.
Anyways... Gwen is a very strong character. She is believable. Waht I really liked in this chapter was that someone else walked her through it instead of her father. The writing that one has done is strong. For future referance, I have to say that you should focus on explaining some of the things more, even if the seem small... because they can actually be important.
| Yemi Hikari chapter 1 . 1/9/2009
Well... just because a character is tagging along does not make the character a Sue... typically it is how the character is written and whether or not they've been given some major super powers. There are some problems in the first chapter I would like to point out.
"It was on Halloween night a year after Gwyn’s birth that the news that had been awaiting for had finally arrived; Lord Voldemort had fallen, destroyed by his own killing curse while trying to murder the Potter’s son Harry." It is kind of phrased like Gwyn is supposed to be born on Halloween. If so, she could not possibly be in Harry's year, as the cut off date was Harry's year. I highly suggest rephrasing this sentence.
Another thing is... why would a Death Eater be out and about after everyone is celebrating the death of Voldomort, they would have been more likely in hiding. Look at the fact that Lucious Malfoy pretended to be under an impervious curse… they went into hiding because it wasn’t a very bright thing to be out in the open. And to attack of all places Diagon Alley… it isn’t very logical, thus Gwen’s mother’s death ends up not being very logical.
Also, changing one’s hair color is not the same as Harry’s growing his hair long. This fits into the Tonk’s category and is considered rare gift and if they are able to do it, it is more often seen then in just one instance.
It is the small things that can make a character a Mary Sue. Typically, it depends on how the author writes them and so forth. The exception is the giving of powers that are not believable, which is something that one should not typically do in fanfiction, unless the person ends up being like a guardian and then there is a completely different storyline, or a new one after the fact, because guardians aren’t needed in addition to… they just end up fillers.
And if you’ve made her have the same birthday as Harry… don’t. Giving special things to OC’s tends to turn them into Mary Sues. So far what I've seen is actually minor and can easily be fixed if one so chooses, but the choice it the author's complelty.
| The French Dark Lord chapter 18 . 10/19/2008
that was a nice fic!
| LilyRianneEvans chapter 18 . 10/18/2008
Great job as always. When is the next year coming up?
| Amber Pegasus chapter 18 . 10/18/2008
I loved it. I give this story two thumbs up.
| supercalifragilisticexplalidoc chapter 18 . 10/17/2008
hello ! i realy love your story it's realy well writen. i enjoy your story so much i just hope that you update soon. i have a questiton though, is there romace for gwyn in the later chaptures? are you planing to write the whole book serise? i hope you do, your a great writer. well keep up the good work :)
| LilyRianneEvans chapter 17 . 10/17/2008
Okay, I know this might be a little late for the deadline you gave, but please post the next chapter? I love this story and want to read as much of it as I can as fast as I can (yes, I know patience is supposed to be a virtue, but I have no patience). Pretty please?
| Godrico Gryffindor chapter 17 . 10/17/2008
Good Chapter. Keep going!