|Reviews for Melon Milk|
| Firefly in the Mist chapter 1 . 7/14/2013
| Douzheana chapter 1 . 7/25/2010
It's a cute story, thought I'm not that much familiar with the characters.
I sorta got lost in the middle though. I was not sure when you were talking in past tense or in present tense.
Overall, it was kinda sweet and cute...
| Ghost chapter 1 . 8/18/2008
Hm, it's not bad. Interesting idea, at least, and kinda cute.
There's some issues you ought to consider, though. The first thing that occurred to me was the beginning, or rather the lack thereof. I just felt it started very abruptly, as if the entire introduction had been cut off, leaving me with a feeling of having missed something vital that remained for several paragraphs.
Also, you have a way with words and you seem thorough in your writing. That's a good thing, of course, but sometimes it felt as if you went into more detail then necessary. You might want to streamline your writing somewhat, and make sure you're not writing too much.
Finally, the dialog got confusing here and there, as I was having trouble telling who was saying which line. You might want to look into that.
Oh, and don't use Japanese proverbs like that, please. Either write the English equivalent or offer an immediate translation. You did let us know what it means in your Author's Note but while reading the actual story, the reader shouldn't need to wonder about that. It's a distraction.
Otherwise, not too shabby. I like the idea of "everyday" routines balancing the "martial arts/romance madness" routines. Also, Ukyo and Mousse don't interact often so seeing them together like this is interesting. I can't say I recommend the First Person perspective, since it's hard to pull off well even for professionals, but that's up to you. Keep up the good work.
| enderverse chapter 1 . 8/11/2008
I've always wondered how well the other characters knew each other. this is a great example of that.
| Baitdcat chapter 1 . 8/10/2008
this is a refreshing change! thank you. I love Ukyou's character. and Mousse is really adorable in this story. thanks again!