Reviews for Pains and Contradictions
Daylah Hadley2 chapter 34 . 5/2
Harry shouldn't have had to apologize for being happy and finding someone who loves him. Hermione is highly annoying
Animago chapter 17 . 3/31
This is so romantic! Certainly Harry already perceived that has a fall for severus. In the end, we value things that we lose.
a pair of ragged claws chapter 40 . 3/30
I just read this story for the second time (the first was a few years ago). I realized that several scenes from this story have kind of haunted me over the years, and it was driving me a little crazy because I couldn’t remember which story those scenes came from. The first is the infirmary hand-holding scene. As with the potion that Draco had him smell, it seems that Severus needs to be disoriented before he would be open enough to experiencing something like Harry’s hand-stroking. The second scene that stuck with me was when Harry says, “I know you think I’m stupid, and maybe I am…” and Severus inwardly feels shaken by Harry’s “honest self-appraisal” that Severus knows is driven by the Dursleys’ neglect. But in this moment it’s also clear that Harry has fully absorbed Severus’s many slurs against Harry’s intelligence over the years and doesn’t even feel bitter or mad about it—he just thinks it’s true, even after Severus has finally recognized that Harry does have some serious talents; but because Severus is committed to his course of driving Harry away, he can’t respond honestly. For some reason I just couldn’t get that moment out of my head; there’s something so compelling about Harry’s desperation, confusion, and self deprecation, as well as Severus’s confrontation with the fact that he has to continue hurting, deceiving, and ignoring someone who has already been so beaten down by emotional abuse and neglect in the past. And the third scene is the one in which Harry begs Severus not to go. I kept trying to think of various stories that that scene could have been in. Anyway, I think it’s clear why that one is so poignant—it’s just a major revelation of how much Harry cares and how helpless he feels. Of course, that scene is also a major catalyst in the plot because Harry thinks he realizes Severus will “never quit” with his emotional unavailability.

During this second read-through, I also recognized how important it is that this story emphasizes the extent of the tangled depths of Severus’s self-hatred. I think that it is sadly true that that kind of self-loathing is a definitive aspect of Severus Snape in canon. So this story made me realize that, when I read Snarry fics (or gen Snape fics even) in which Severus turns out to be this cultured, kind, confident man, maybe the reason that I get so irritated by the out-of-character portrayal is because the author didn’t bother to deal with this murky but fundamental aspect of Severus’s psyche. I think that iIn Snarry stories it’s especially crucial to deal with the self-loathing (and Harry has his share of it too, but Severus’s has had time to fester to the point that it chokes off all of his interpersonal relationships).

Anyway, thanks for writing this story! I hope you are doing well. And I’m glad I have found the origin of those scenes that kept coming back to me—they would pop into my head at random times and I’d incorporate them into my own mental spin-off fanfics, haha. I read a lot of literature for my job, and I have to say that it seems significant that you have written the kinds of scenes that stick with someone for years. It’s a sign of talent, for sure. I hope you are still writing in one way or another, and it would be awesome if you ever find the time and inspiration to cook up some of these complex emotional entanglements in some original fiction too! Either way, thanks for sharing your work in the fanfic community!
IsupportFanFic chapter 7 . 1/7
A most amazing chapter.

It is beautiful how you describe loving a person through caressing their hand - so poignant.
Ki chapter 8 . 12/11/2021
How dare harry feel guilty for saying he was used? Albus might care for harry but he does use him terribly. Has no problem leaving him with abusers for the "greater good", no matter how much he cares.
Ki chapter 4 . 12/11/2021
"Snape was convinced that even beautiful and forgiving Lily would not have been able to see past his treachery towards her."

Lily was far from perfect. She was unforgiving. Harry is better than both his parents.
Fire Tempest chapter 40 . 12/3/2021
Thank you, this has been moving and fantastic by turns.
HermioneIncarnate chapter 40 . 11/6/2021
This story is truly an accomplishment. So very well done. Thank you for sharing.
snamioneBDSMcuriosity chapter 40 . 8/19/2021
Ok… I cried through this entire story. My heart broken, I felt joy, anxiety tore me apart, I laughed, I hurt. But no matter the emotions this story gave me… I cried through it all. This is a fantastically written story. And I am very pleased I got to read it.
Perlz chapter 34 . 8/15/2021
feel...energized, I guess."

"Liar," Severus said affectionately. "You feel ten feet tall."

Lol this is so sweet. I love certain lines In this fic so much; it's beautifully written :)
I'm glad Harry made up with hermione. It really did feel like he abandoned her. And I love their making up. "Say sorry again"..and you are good. It's a real friendship.
Perlz chapter 32 . 8/15/2021
So much beautiful fluff to make up for the angst. ;)
Its a bit tainted with how it was almost easily lost though, cuz of BOTH of them.

"He knew it was an important question, a thing that defined a person and something important to Severus; but he also realized he might never know the answer and quickly found he didn't care."

I love this line so much! It's true; just cuz it's important to one person doesn't mean it means anything to the other person. Harry is attracted to the one he loves. He doesn't need to know anything else.
Perlz chapter 32 . 8/15/2021
Severus...I want you to swear you'll never push me away for my own good ever again."

Sigh. Harry didn't have to go, just cuz he was pushed away. Especially when he knew it's not what Severus wanted.
Sorry sorry I'll stop complaining about this. I do love this fic honestly. But usually Harry has more determination for the people he loves.
Perlz chapter 32 . 8/15/2021
"Oh, God," Harry whispered softly against Severus' ear. "I'm so happy, so relieved. I'm just so...fucking happy"

Exactly! Thats why you should have fought more you stupid gryffindor. At least until Severus understood he was worth it.
Perlz chapter 31 . 8/15/2021
Tsk. Harry did far worse to severus and was instantly forgiven. He refused to fight for his bondmate when Severus couldn't fight for himself. Sometimes we need our loved ones to fight for us. Sigh. Harry has the support and friends and Remus (who never thought severus would change; he was wrong). What did Severus have? I know he had to give in, but Harry gave UP.
Perlz chapter 31 . 8/15/2021
Harry saying that he refused to forgive Severus was the cruelest thing he could say. It's what his mother did. It's what Severus hates himself for.
Lol my reviews are very pro-severus, but he's doing everything out of sacrifice and love for Harry. Harry is just...giving up and being petty too. Or at least it seems like that.
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