Reviews for The Doctor and Rose go to butlins
WolfsBishop chapter 1 . 8/24/2014
Wtf... Learn to write... dude they never even left the damn tardis, who the hell sold it, what's up with the random quotation marks... please go back to school and give up writing until you've learned how to.
LolitaIceprincess chapter 1 . 10/12/2013
lol that's all I can say about this story. please just do it all over again
Amber Jackson chapter 1 . 5/12/2013
HAHA i 3 it :D i've been to Butlins, great work :P
MsTerminator chapter 1 . 4/29/2013
This was hard to comprehend. You need to work on your grammar and punctuation, and learn how to end your sentences with periods. You also have a few run on sentences going on, such as this: The Doctor walked over to the TARDIS doors and opened them very slowly he popped his head around the corner and saw children many children working like slaves.

That took me a while to decipher that. Most of this is just dialogue. Uninteresting dialogue, in my opinion. If you had thought this out more and given this depth, it might have ended up decent. I'll give you an example of how one of your sentences should be written: They ran back to the man and asked, "What did he want with a blue box?" If you want to keep it rather dull. I suggest, in the future, you proof read and edit all of your writing before posting it. Don't just type it up and abruptly submit it the second you're finished with the last word.
Storey Elizabeth chapter 1 . 12/12/2011
Oh my gosh, this is so bad. You get an 'A' for effort, though.
ZahreSthr chapter 1 . 1/8/2011
At first I thought this story was horribly written, then I thought back to how I wrote when I was eleven and figured I would look at it in that perspective. Though not the most beautifully written, or gramatically correct, you still have a decent plot line going. Also you seem to be able to keep at a story, unlike me. I would suggest you try to add more detail. A good practice is to take one of the doctor who episodes and describe each scene in detail, or even to look at a picture and describe it. For example, you could describe the TARDIS as such: From the corner of my eye I spotted the blue box standing at the corner of the street. It looked out of place in twenty-first century London. Perhaps it was some school group practicing their street art. On closer look, the box was made of wood, worn and etched with age. The Paint flecked in spots, especially around the door handle. The words Police Call Box imprinted on the metal plack affixed to the door. ...so on so forth. I hope you do not give up, I sense a good writer in you and hope you continue practicing as much as you can.

-Zahre, who cannot stand people who flame without any explanation or creative critisism
defenestrationvictim chapter 1 . 11/24/2010
How about you delete this story, get off and attend English classes instead?
AngelEyes87 chapter 1 . 7/6/2010
Seriously. How old are you?

You writing skills are very appalling. If you can't write decent stories then give up!
iammeanttolive chapter 1 . 8/31/2009
I can't even finish 'chapter one', this is so bad. I'd have to agree with the comment below me.

I don't even think I can probably review this, it's just so bad.

Thank you for making me laugh hysterically though.

Lucuspepsdeptus is one hell of a name.
Freehugs41 chapter 1 . 6/21/2009
If there is anyone in the world that would define this story as "good," either they're reading level is below that of the average kindergarten student or they were intoxicated when they read this. If not, then I weep for the future of man kind. Delete this story...preferably now.
CosmicalMadison chapter 12 . 4/18/2009
In the line "They got pretty upset cause they had only just got there.", maybe you could change it to it seemed like they just got there since they really have been there for a week.

Overall, good story! I enjoyed it, and I'll read and review your other one soon.
CosmicalMadison chapter 11 . 4/18/2009
Again, maybe explain what they did during the day and take out the "I don't know" toward the end.

It's cute how the Doctor wants to go to the same place as Rose for their next holiday. Great minds think alike! :D It's good to see them relaxing like this.
CosmicalMadison chapter 10 . 4/18/2009
One thing on this chapter: You mention in both diaries that they did pool aerobics for two hours, but in the narrative right before it was only one. It's not a huge deal, but it bugged me a little.

I just have to say that I really love the Doctor/Rose dynamic in this story. It's not over the top. You can just tell by how casual and everything they are with each other how close they are and how in love. Keep it up!
CosmicalMadison chapter 9 . 4/18/2009
Cute moment when Rose looks over to see the Docor asleep. :)

Just on suggestion: You go right from them eating breakfast to 9 o'clock that night. Maybe you could mention what they did in between?

(I hope my suggestion aren't offending you at all. I'm just trying to help. I really do like this story.)
CosmicalMadison chapter 8 . 4/18/2009
"The Doctor tried telling Rose that saving the world is fun but she wouldn’t listen."
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