|Reviews for My Story|
| fabulous12 chapter 4 . 3/12/2013
u made percy look like an idiot!
| Nameless chapter 7 . 11/9/2011
I agree that Emma is a Mary Sue. She doesn't annoy me as most, though, which is good.
And another good is admitting that she is a Mary Sue.
Admitting there's a problem is the first step to recovery, right?
| Crazy LOTR and PJATO fan chapter 1 . 10/24/2010
oh crap. Even though i already reviewed this monstrosoty of a fan fic, I just realizied me and that Mary-Sue of an OC, Emma, share the same birthday. It said in the story Emma's HALF birthday is June 30th. That means her real b-day is December 30th. That's my birthday ( and also Rudyard Kippling's and Tiger Wood's birthday). Once again, I'm extremely glad you stopped this story before it was too late.
| Crazy LOTR and PJATO fan chapter 1 . 10/24/2010
Emma is a disgustingly perfect OC. Is she s'pose to be a daughter of Athena? She can't be. She's too perfect. My daughter of Athena OC, Amelia, is way cooler than her. Me and probably a few other people are glad you discontinued this story.
| Lieutenant Of Artemis chapter 1 . 9/22/2010
You have a pretty good writing style, plus grammar and spelling. But...
-raises eyebrow- You need some work. Emma IS a Mary Sue, and your storyline is cliché so you might want to change that. Work on it and please take my advice.
-hugs- I'm so happy that you have good grammar and spelling! That's really good and it's something I hardly see anymore. Good luck,
-Lieutenant of Artemis
| Blue Truth chapter 1 . 6/14/2010
I'm going to ask a favor from you.
DELETE IT NOW!
I beg you.
Please stop polluting the fandom with fics like these. It scares me what'll happen the Fanfiction in a year. What about the GOOD fanfictions? Huh?
Please, delete this.
| nuttygoodness chapter 3 . 2/13/2010
I'm sorry, but i made it halfway and i had to stop. i really dont like your character Emma. shes such a Mary Sue. i dont like how she acts all modest and was mean to the new kid. im sorry, but thats how i feel.
| GiveTheDevilHisDue chapter 7 . 1/27/2010
Okay, let's start slowly, shall we? I saw a review you left back and came to this story to see if Emma truly was a Sue. First off, let me say that ACCEPTANCE is a very important process of fixing a Sue.
1. Emma is, indeed, a Mary Sue. Not a bad one you see. However, she is, by definition, a Mary Sue. There is a way to redeem her without changing too many things in the story; but you must change things about Emma.
2. These are the reasons why Emma is a Mary Sue: Emma is immediately described in physical appearence within 2 seconds of the story's beginning. Not good. Also, you make her faults painstakingly obvious, but they're never really brought forth. Sydney is just...well, she's not that good. You need to fix her up. A lot. Also, Emma should not be this knowledgable, nor should she be better than anyone MORE ADVANCED than her just when she arrived. Not even Percy was better than Luke at sword fighting. He developed his talents. Oh, and my major issue is that when Emma boldly stood up to Mr. D (which you never do, by the way. Unless you want your arse burned.) And then Mr. D looked "impressed"? He'd probably turn her into a bottle of Coke and drink her dry. She's artificial, you know what I mean? Just work to make her more human, realistic.
3. The plot isn't too bad. With work it can be fixed into a fun story. Hoewver, I would suggest starting fresh with this story. Perhaps you can ask the assistance of a beta. Even I can help you with basic Mary Sue and plot facts if you want to PM me.
This is not a bad story. It just needs time, careful thought, and love. I only wrote this because I think you are a pretty good writer, so keep going, okay? Again, I'm not a beta, but if you want to PM about basic plot/Mary Sue facts feel free. If not, I wish you a good day and good luck in future writing.
Good day, sir/madame!
| Facades chapter 7 . 5/23/2009
OK, in my opinion, this story was HORRIBLE. A complete Mary Sue fic. Don't even try to deny it. Each one of the chapters were bland and completely unoriginal. It's pretty much just a copy of Rick Riordan's first PJ&O book! You missed alot of the details in the story and Emma is just so...PERFECT! It's annoying! All of the other characters don't even act like themselves! You make Percy sound like dork and Annabeth like one of those over dramtic army wives! How does Emma know about Kronos, and Nico, and everything else in the books when she just came to the camp? I would do some more research and continue writing if I've gotten more good reveiws.
| Olympiangirl chapter 7 . 9/22/2008
The prophecy is so well written! I love it!
| jadeprincess147 chapter 7 . 8/30/2008
Okay, yes Emma has bad eyesight, yes she sucks at archery, but she's ... I don't know, not HUMAN enough for me. Or anyone for that matter.
Do you have a beta? You might want one if not. If you do, give me their penname please.
| imaginingimpossible chapter 4 . 8/27/2008
This is good! Keep Writing!
P.S Excelsior is the name of a ship in the 3rd Star Trek movie!
| annabethiscool22 chapter 7 . 8/24/2008
this is pretty good. but u really really need to got to some kind of peotry class. that prophecy was terible. sorry but it was
| PinkPandaGirl chapter 1 . 8/24/2008
OMG Emma is such a MarySue !
Numero 1: I mean annabeth doesn't even have those grades
Numero 2: No one beats Percy at swordfighting!
Numero 3: The Aphrodite kids aren't as pretty as her! Straight and bright white teeth check, perfect hair check, Perfect skin check! THAT IS SO CONCIETED! I really didn't like the story at all!
| Bad story chapter 7 . 8/23/2008
#1-i think this story doesn't really make percy look rite u make him sound like a geek no1 can beat percy in a sword fight unless they are a god or sum1 who has trained a lot longer or is is a son or daughter of the big 3 and y would Percy tell Emma he liked Annabeth wen he just met her the same day
#2-Emma is 2 perfect she should be flawed cause me being a guy knos almost no guy likes perfect girls the just get to be annoying it seems like shes been there 7 days and shes already on a quest she should be there three weeks b4 she gets a quest i mean make it seem like shes been there a while this story seem all wrong 2 me
but if u made a story about Percy and stayed around his personality i think u could make a good 2 an awsome story