|Reviews for Lilium of a Shadow|
| ichigo sasashi chapter 1 . 5/1/2013
this was good, are you sure this is all you will write? if so that's your choice, but you could write a story off this that would be great!
| Spritefyre chapter 1 . 6/29/2012
amazing, I really love it :)
| Mayumi-H chapter 1 . 10/10/2011
I only know peripherally of the Sonic universe (played a few of the old games on the Dreamcast), and I don't know Elfen Leid, but the dark (very dark!) imagery in this is very compelling.
Lucy's history is suitably heart-wrenching...although I'm not certain if she should be pitied or feared. Her actions on the train are quite terrible, though I suppose she's a victim of genesis and environment. Still, the descriptions are really (horribly) beautiful, especially that moment where she cuts the victim in two.
I understand Shadow's section a bit better, even if it is just as dark. More sad, though. I really like the memories of Maria, and the description of their final moment together. The split second of the shot is very well done!
I don't normally like switching perspectives in the middle of a story, but it works all right for me, here. I think perhaps because the Latin works like a scene break, pausing the flow to make it easier to "hear" a switch in perspective.
There are only two things I would suggest:
(1) Keep an eye on your closing punctuation. It's solid through the descriptions, but you skip some when there's dialogue. Not all the time, just here and there. Just remember to pay attention to that when you edit.
(2) Remember your tenses. The imperfect (past) tense works for the most part, but when you're having characters recount events that occur further in the past, you should use pluperfect tense ("had done" verbs as opposed to "have done" verbs). There's some of this in the Lucy reminiscences, but each of those verbs should match for the past-past sections. Try not to mix imperfect and pluperfect in the same descriptive sentences.
Otherwise, it's a very sad and grim story...but not without a certain beauty. :)
| Crying Goddess chapter 1 . 6/18/2011
Absolutely beautiful. Stunning, even. Very touching. Amazing piece of work. No words can describe it. Well done.
| Haru chapter 1 . 8/10/2010
I think you did a great Job. You should make another, with much more interaction.
| Caramon001 chapter 1 . 5/15/2010
So, I wont lie, this story is EPIC! I love the personal agony you set between these two. Well done sir
| Slayde Demise and Alexia Rose chapter 1 . 12/24/2009
I don't know whether to call it dark or sweet. Either way, I liked it :)