|Reviews for Portrait of a Marriage|
| Mira Kial chapter 1 . 7/13/2014
Oh, thank you, thank you for writing this story. You fear that it paints marriage in a dark and dreary light, but the truth of it is, life is not a fairytale, and marriage is not always magical. It is a union of two people with strengths and flaws, and your story illustrated that honestly and beautifully, especially at the ending, which was so unexpected and touching.
Man, I was in the mood for some nostalgia - I used to play Friends of Mineral Town like crazy. Manna and Duke definitely seemed like they had some untold stories underneath. I like the way you analyze characters.
Your writing style is quite fresh and genuine. I like it a lot. My only constructive criticism would be not to use the same word twice in the same sentence. That happened a few times, and it distracted me from the emotion I was feeling. Oh, and my second comment - and this is likely more of a "style" thing or a matter of personal preference - but when you zoom out from the story at hand and talk about "we" and "our" feelings, it... I don't know, makes me tense or something. It distracts from the magic of the story, or something. I would continue to speak from Manna/Duke's point of view; for example, instead of "Perhaps this is what we all do," say, "Perhaps this is what everyone does," as if Manna is observing the people around her and still talking about "we," but so it's consistent with the third-person perspective and less distracting.
Anyway, despite my nitpicking, I really did enjoy this story and it was such a refreshing look at the characters I loved from my childhood. Such a sweet moment between the two, and the story was actually inspiring and motivating to me, rather than discouraging. (: Keep on keeping on.
| SweetieLove chapter 1 . 6/4/2010
You did a great a job on this angsty piece! Lend me some tips sometmes...ahehe..
| Timothy the paperclip chapter 1 . 2/23/2010
-le sigh- It's writers like you that make all the difference in the world. I really love how you portrayed Duke and Manna. It always thought their relationship had a certain kind of inevitable divorce kind of setting. But it's nice to see something realistic. And so in touch with how relationships work. This story made me feel things I may have forgotten. And I thank you. Also, on a fangirl note, you write Harvest Moon, the best kind with Mary, and wrote a Apollo and Klavier story. And for that I love you! So please keep writing. I look forward to reading your stories in the future.
Lots of Love,
Peace out, dude.
| teacupz chapter 1 . 7/12/2009
feels a bit elegant... write more...
| Tobu Ishi chapter 1 . 9/12/2008
Rather elegant, really. The quotations break it up a little harshly, and you get almost too philosophical at points, drawing us out of the action into the abstract, but the characterizations of Duke and Manna are dark, interesting, human and surprisingly touching. I enjoyed reading it-thanks for writing it!
(I would ditch the reference to "American Pie", though. It's jarring in a world like HM. ; )
| HmGirly chapter 1 . 8/19/2008
I was won over by that first quote, and you kept me in the story until the last one. Bombs could have been falling outside my window - the apocalypse could have already happened - I wouldn't have a clue. I was so lost in that; Manna and Duke have so much potential for writing to me now.
Thank you for writing someone that isn't a marriage candidate - that's very uncommon to see, now.
| The-Music-of-hands chapter 1 . 8/19/2008
This-as usual-is an amazing story. It's non Canon, which I always appreciate a bit more than the usual Canon. And, you put the characters in so much depth description, it's hard to believe they're just fictional.
A very true concept.
It's depressing, but adds a spark of hope that even though we've changed, we still love the person inside.
| The Scarlet Sky chapter 1 . 8/16/2008
So bittersweet, Kuruk. So terribly, terribly sad. I love how you wrote about a marriage "poisoned" by alcohol; it's such a relevant theme, and Manna and Duke are perfect for these roles. It makes me want to see them as their younger selves, completely in love and new. The change of perspective was lovely, here-how Manna loathes the drink, then so does Duke-and it was so poignant.
You know this, Kuruk, but it's wonderful.