|Reviews for Unthinkable Thoughts|
| Nyllewell chapter 1 . 7/19/2020
Ok, that was both an insightful and hilarious opening chapter. How am I just now finding this?
| Bloody Amethyst chapter 18 . 11/7/2018
I loved it )
But I feel like it was cut off pretty abruptly... Will there be a sequel where what happens after this?
| Ayame-Aria chapter 18 . 10/14/2018
Thank you so much for your story! I absolutely love it and was not able to stop reading. Sooooo much cuteness and adorable moments from Harry and Draco. I was really worried when Harry got depress and distance himself from everyone, and also with Draco when couldn't distance himself from Harry after their bonding for many weeks. The memory book also kill me, that would be a beautiful and horrifying gift indeed, but I'm glad everything worked out for them.
I most admit that the end left me wondering what would happen with everyone in the castle, how will they cope and fight with the war, what would happen with Lucious arriving at the castle and Voldemort?
But there is a most important question I have been wanting to know in the whole story...WHO IS SNAPE'S PARTNER? When Dumbledore and Minerva were talking about the Weasles and Potters, they mentioned Severus and...*smiling eyes*. Who is that person? Please I beg you tell me!
Anyways, Thank you so much for the story! It was beautiful! 3
| obsessivefangirl chapter 7 . 7/23/2018
If Draco is trying to be subtle, then why does he make such a production of dressing up before he goes to see Harry? He should know better than that. And the way he talks to the others is weird and counterproductive. Why wouldn't he just deny everything? You've made it abundantly clear that he can't have an open relationship with Harry, so why is he being so obvious? Everything he's doing is drawing attention to himself and his love life when he should be lying low, and, being a Slytherin, he's smart enough to know better than that.
Are the Gryffindors incapable of anger, or what? The only emotions they seem capable of expressing are happiness and sadness. I think it would be more realistic for them to feel at least /some/ anger at Harry; I mean he's been acting like a jerk for no apparent reason. There's nothing wrong with feeling angry when a close friend suddenly alienates you with no explanation.
The scene between Harry and Ron makes me want to barf. Everything is just so beyond overdramatic, and the way they talk is so weird and unnatural. It really needs to be taken down a notch, or fifty. The whole part of the story about Harry's depression and alienating his friends is completely unnecessary and does nothing to further the plot. You even said yourself that the only real point of it was to add angst so the fluffy parts would seem fluffier, and I think it would've been better if you'd drasticallly reduced it or left it out altogether. The whole thing was just so tiresome and unrealistic.
The scene in the Great Hall is equally ridiculous. Please, stop with the crying already.
Why does everything have to be so all-or-nothing? Why does everything Harry does and says have to be so /open?/ You seem to think that he can't do anything unless the entire world knows about it, but in the books, he didn't actually like being famous, and valued his privacy and keeping things to himself. If he wants to pursue Draco, then why doesn't he even once consider doing it in secret?
I find it more than a little weird and creepy how everyone is so obsessed with Harry and his problems. Don't they have their own lives?
Why do Ron and Hermione wait around so long for Draco to start their meeting when they're the ones who called it? It's not that complicated. They should be the first ones to speak since the meeting was their idea. It's already been established that /they/ have something to say to /him,/ so waiting for him to start makes absolutely no sense. And I get the impression that you have no idea where you're going with the whole scene because you take a really long time getting to the point. You waste so much time on irrelevant dialogue, and then you completely gloss over the main point of their whole meeting. Is it really so hard to just have Hermione say "Let's call a truce for Harry's sake" and be done with it? The rest of the meeting is unnecessary. I think if you figure out beforehand what you're trying to do and say here, you won't waste so much time on aimless wandering.
You've already explained the main plot in the last chapter. There's no need to repeat it. It would be so much easier to simply say, "Hermione filled Draco in on everything they'd discussed." And Draco is so incredibly out of character. He would never be so open, especially with Ron and Hermione. You have him spilling his guts after five minutes. He has way too much pride and trust issues to act this way. I really don't even understand the point of anything that goes on besides the brief mention of Harry and a truce. What are they trying to accomplish? You're trying way too hard to make something happen that's both irrelevant to the plot and unrealistic.
The dialogue throughout the meeting is so stiff and unnatural. Stop trying to sound so fancy. Dialogue doesn't need to be fancy or grammatically correct. It's supposed to be a reflection of how people speak.
Why wouldn't Draco doesn't know everything that's going on when he read all the same books Hermione did, especially when it involves him directly? Just because Hermione's smart doesn't mean everyone else is stupid by default.
Seriously, why is Ron there? His presence is completely counterproductive.
| obsessivefangirl chapter 6 . 7/18/2018
Just because Hermione is smart doesn't mean she talks like a walking thesaurus. Or knows everything. Also, she's a teenage girl. You have hear sounding like a cross between an encyclopedia and someone's ninety-year-old spinster aunt. "Oh dear, the poor boy." No girl her age actually talks like that, no matter how smart she is. Your dialogue gets really unrealistic at times in general. Too many people making long, dramatic speeches, and the language they use tends to be overly fancy or just sentimental and weird. And I know I've mentioned this before, but what do you have against the word "I'm?"
You seem to be unaware of it, but girls also masturbate. Hermione and Ginny are so unbelievably prudish about the "handbook," it's clear you don't understand girls at all. "That thing that boys do" isn't (gasp!) just something that boys do. Though I guess a teenage boy would probably have limited information on this subject, so it's not really your fault.
This chapter moved a lot more quickly now that you finally have some real action, but you still take a ridiculous amount of time explaining things and getting to the point. I think if you learned to simplify things and organize your thoughts, your story would be a lot smoother and wouldn't drag so much.
Is it really necessary to have everyone start crying and yelling at the end of Hermione's speech? There you go again with the dramatics.
Why do they assume that talking to Dumbledore would mean telling him every single detail of Harry's problem? Couldn't they just say they're worried about Harry's depression and think he might harm himself? Seriously, why is no one, including the adults, actually doing anything about a student in danger?
| obsessivefangirl chapter 5 . 7/17/2018
This would be so much shorter if you didn't feel the need to describe every detail of Harry's depression from the point of view of every other character. You're essentially repeating the same information from the last chapter ad nauseum without adding anything new or interesting, or moving the story along in any way.
Why don't any of the adults intervene when it's so obvious that Harry is putting himself in danger? Especially when both Hermione and Sirius have asked them to help?
I'm not buying the whole Harry alienating his friends thing. I just don't think he's capable of keeping something like that up for as long as he does here. Especially not the way you've gone about it. Depression isn't this melodramatic. It would be more realistic for him to withdraw from his friends slowly, and for them to find his company draining. Everybody is overly dramatic here. You just go overboard with everything. Real life is much more subtle and nuanced.
This chapter was greatly improved once you finally moved past the endless introspection and the weird scene with the Gryffindors and finally got to the Harry/Draco scene, which seems to be the only part that's actually relevant to the plot and helps move your story along. This story needs more of that and less of the dramatics.
| obsessivefangirl chapter 4 . 7/10/2018
That escalated quickly.
You don't need to give us every single person's reaction to everything. Too much unnecessary detail can get tedious and drag out a story too long.
Too much introspection, some of which would be better if it had been written as action and dialogue rather than a summarized version of events, and would help break up some of your massive, overlong paragraphs. Long paragraphs can be a little hard to read in this format, so breaking them up would improve readability and make your story more interesting.
Harry is being really overdramatic. Yes, I'm sure it must be a shock to realize he has the hots for Draco, but he's already known for some time that he's interested in guys. Why is he suddenly so worried about everyone's reaction to just his sexuality (seriously, it's not like he has to tell them /who/ he's attracted to). It didn't seem to be a big deal before, aside from the possibility that it was Ron he was fantasizing about.
Since he doesn't seem to consider pursuing Draco as an option, why does Harry find it necessary to cut ties with everyone else in his life? It's not logical. There should be some kind of choice here: his previous life or Draco, since he's assuming he'll be rejected because he likes Draco. But he's choosing nothing. It doesn't even make the twisted sort of sense that would be expected in his current state of mind. I mean, since he's not choosing Draco, then can't he just pretend nothing has changed? Why does he think he needs to tell his friends anything? Wouldn't he be more likely to just try to hide it and hope it goes away? It's always been my impression that Harry is the type to hide his problems from his friends, anyway.
What's the deal with mealtimes being some sort of competition between Gryffindor and Slytherin? That just seems weird and makes them all seem more like one collective stereotype rather than distinct individuals, reinforcing the whole ridiculous "good vs evil" theme and making your entire story less realistic.
Hermione doesn't call Draco by his first name. If you write in someone's point of view, you should refer to the other characters the way they would.
| Maartha chapter 14 . 7/8/2018
Hello dear Aidan.
This a miscellaneous-review. (don't wanna read it anyway...)
I agree sooo much with you about how a so strong hatred means caring a lot about the hated one.
I like how Harry and Draco try to cope with their past, and how they are so mature about the fact their love is above all. I enjoyed reading the scene in the rose garden while Hermione and Ron keep their bed warm. ;-)
And how they are still acting like regular boys of their age, first kissing shyly, then "moving forward" step by step.
The wonderous day when they perform the utterly difficult potions, then the seven charms and at last make love is sooo intense !
It felt like I could see Snape smiling, and all the room's furniture dancing in mi-air, and the last scene was great too ! I was contaminated by their total happiness and arousal. I was lucky enough to have someone IRL to kiss and cuddle afterwards (~.) I wouldn't have had if I had read your fanfic when you published, so for that I'm glad I read her so many years late !
One of the difficulties in Drarry slashfics is to explain credibly how they come to love each other. You don't embarrass yourself, they already love each other passionately, because of the crimson cloud and all. They only have to accept it. What they do quickly enough, once Harry is tired of letting himself despair and starve to death. They are sooo cute !
| Maartha chapter 12 . 7/5/2018
Hello ! If you ever come to read this, you shall know that I enjoy reading your work ! It's romantic and funny (now that the angst is over). I am melting when Harry and Draco only fear for how hum the other loves him. And the last vaudevillian scene with Hermione and Ron hiding on the SAME bed is nice. See you. Thanks for having not deleted this fic trough years.
| Maartha chapter 8 . 7/3/2018
I really like the frozen rose garden scene. Crystallised roses. Light kiss. Deep understanding. Still winter night and warm feelings. How romantic !
I don't agree with Dumbledore interfering in the boys' romance, but I'll wait and see !
I would have imagined Hermione as a pacifist rather that a war leader but well, it's only snowball battle !
| obsessivefangirl chapter 3 . 7/2/2018
Contractions are a thing. "I'm." Say it with me. /"I'm."/ Not "I am." "I'm." This is how people talk.
This would've been better if you'd actually given the Slytherins individual personalities instead of making them all a bunch of mindless lackeys. Or if you'd put more thought into their motivations besides "Slytherins are villains and only ever do anything to further their villainy." It might surprise you to know that they're actual (fictional) human beings like the rest of Hogwarts, and they have the same feelings as everyone else.
The part where the Gryffindors help Harry out of the Great Hall is really unrealistic. It's great that you have them trying to be discreet, but unless Harry faints during meals on a regular basis, they wouldn't be that efficient at getting him out unnoticed. Most of them would be panicking, crowding around Harry, and attracting /more/ attention. And he's not best friends with every single person in his House, either. You make it seem like the rest of the Gryffindors have intimate knowledge of his entire life. That's probably around seventy people. Not realistic.
You make Harry's friends too perfect. It's impossible to have a relationship entirely free of conflict. Besides, you seem to be forgetting that Ron didn't speak to Harry for half of the fourth book because of his problems with jealousy, which you don't address once. People don't have to be perfect to be good friends. This would be better if you made the characters more real and relatable instead of going on about how wonderful and heartwarming everything is. In fact, if you could go five minutes without someone being warmed, moved, or touched by something, that would improve this a lot.
Why have you made Harry so naive and innocent? It doesn't suit him at all. In fact, given his background, witnessing how ugly people can be to one another from his own family members would probably make him more than a little cynical. His comment about the others being worried is also out of character. Harry doesn't like being fussed over. If anything, he would be embarrassed by the whole incident and want to pretend it never happened.
| Maartha chapter 7 . 7/2/2018
I find that your characters often speak too much. Explanations take long, feels weird from teenagers. But emotions are here, and I go on reading anytime I can afford it.
I really like when, after all those promises, Draco says to H&R that he can't tell what he feel to anyone but Harry. Extreme cuteness.
I regret that you never describe any lesson, it looks like they only have nights and weekends. Well, nobody is perfect, your fic is still a nice peace of sugary creamy pastry. Thank for having written and published.
| Maartha chapter 5 . 7/1/2018
Awkward and warm moment, the cigarette lighted with a muggle lighter, indirect kiss and first friendly conversation.
| Maartha chapter 4 . 6/30/2018
I know it's unfair to laugh about poor Harry's distress and despair, but the way you describe his painful realization through the perceptions-magnifier spell I couldn't stop an evil fangirlish grin.
Oh Harry, you're so emo ! "let my fiends hate me before they discover that I'm a bloody faggot and a traitor !". Poor thing.
Yeah Hermione may be a valuable ally for our disoriented boys.
| Maartha chapter 3 . 6/29/2018
immediately suspected that Hermione would find out something like "fauns get aroused in presence of soul mates " or so... Sometimes I'm afraid I already read your fic but forgot I did. That would explain why I can predict what happens. Or maybe not, it's only because the plot follows a logical (I won't say cliché anymore !) path, and because I may have read fics inspired by yours.
I admire the way you early understood Dumbledore as a "puppet master".. Matching student to use their entangled magical powers...
LOL the Wizard Wank Manual. See that you're a guy, all that boy's stuff is absent from girls' fanfics. That's refreshing !
I like your cool-headed and marshalling Ron, too.
See you. Martha