Reviews for A Second Chance
Guest chapter 14 . 4/5
nice to have you back :)
The Duelist's Heiress chapter 9 . 11/15/2008
That was good poor TB.

The Duelist's Heiress chapter 13 . 11/15/2008

The Duelist's Heiress chapter 12 . 11/15/2008
That was really good.

The Duelist's Heiress chapter 11 . 11/15/2008

The Duelist's Heiress chapter 10 . 11/15/2008
Great update.

Foeseeker chapter 13 . 10/22/2008
Very funny! The Buffheart/Lupin scene at the end, coupled with the two slingers, was humorous. Although all this back and forth about Suna is a little confusing.

You keep turning words that are meant to be nouns into verbs. Example: first paragraph chapter 13, last word. You wrote nerved. It should be nerves. This mistake is repeated several times through these three new chapters.

You spelled Eulalia Eulaliah.

Jade TeaLeaf chapter 13 . 10/22/2008
Well this was a pretty good chapter, however I think that there were some small grammatical mistakes sprinkled throughout the chapter. For example:

"The vole was one to complain about everything, but then again, if Buffheart had been in the same situation, he would have been complaining too, but the thing was… Buffheart wasn’t in his situation, so the goodbeast was getting on his nerved."

You meant "nerves" there, and the sentence is a little too long and awkward.

"The first think that happened" you meant to say "thing".

And "Love! Your home!" should have been "You're home."

So I would suggest that you update a little more slowly, taking the time to read through your work twice to edit things and rearrange sentence structures, work on dialogue, etc.

Don't take me wrong. This is a pretty good chapter and it's really moving the storyline along. :)

~Jade TeaLeaf
Jade TeaLeaf chapter 12 . 10/22/2008
Heh, I have a feeling that there'll be feelings between Danwin and Amber. :D Anyways, pretty good chapter. I'm wondering if you're going to include Mask in here.

~Jade TeaLeaf
Jade TeaLeaf chapter 11 . 10/22/2008
Well I wonder what will happen to Suna? And it's good that Buffheart was a little more accepting of her than I predicted. Good job with this chapter, except that I think that the characters are taking the whole "ghost thing" a little too well. If it were me, I would be completely skeptical or laugh at them or something. Well, I know that the characters that T.B. have to deal with don't believe him, but still I think there should be more creatures that think they're crazy or something. Now I'm off to read your other 2 chapters.

~Jade TeaLeaf
Foeseeker chapter 10 . 10/21/2008
Okay, that triplet thing was FUNNY. Good job with the humor!

One little bit of criticism. Your harespeech is not exactly . . . top notch, wot! You don’t have any “wot wot” or “flippin” or “jolly old chap” or “absoballylootly” in this chapter. Some people are very persnickety about harespeech, and while I’m not one of them (I think) just look out for that in later chappies.

In your story summary you spelled “vixen” vixon.”

Jade TeaLeaf chapter 10 . 10/21/2008
Wow. You're pretty much updating every day now. :) And yay that Boar the fighter is back with his hares. :D And Boar was talking about Martin, wasn't he? I wonder how they'll respond to Suna...? Keep writing.

~Jade TeaLeaf
Jade TeaLeaf chapter 9 . 10/20/2008
Hm... interesting chapter. Though, I think you should probably state Timballisto's complete name instead of T.B. If my memory serves me correctly, Timballisto was never called "T.B." (but if I'm wrong, I'm an idiot and you can ignore that). If the name's troublesome to write out, you can just refer him as "the Dibbun", "the mouse", etc.

Anyways, good job with Lady Amber's personality. Seems to match up with her character in Mossflower.

~Jade TeaLeaf
Foeseeker chapter 9 . 10/20/2008
Oh, good grief. Those two are in trouble!

Okay, now we're in the same boat. I HATE SPAMMERS!


Foeseeker chapter 8 . 10/18/2008
A filler, but good. Cullum seems like a nice young hog. I hope we see plenty of him in future chappies.

I just came up with a wild thought . . . is that mousebabe that the fox rescued Martin?

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