|Reviews for and the queen calls checkmate|
| Greyscale Tragedy chapter 1 . 2/4/2009
I've never cared much for Elincia until your story. She is an insanely complex character, a merciful, idealistic girl who was thrust into the position of queen. I think you portrayed her wonderfully. I feel that your writing style enhances more than detracts from the overall mood, actually.
(Maybe it's because you write like how I think and write too, with them brackets and all.)
The unique style really shows two sides of Elincia, the internal conflicts she has with her individual personality and her responsibilities as a ruler. And I just love the very last lines on idealism, politics, and compromise. They so clearly show how Elincia has changed from naive young ruler to powerful, sturdy, intelligent queen.
| FireEdge chapter 1 . 9/20/2008
Definitely very different. In a good way. Your writing style is unique, I've never seen the likes of it before, and it kept me guessing as I read. I love stories that get inside Elincia's head and pick her thoughts apart, because Elincia is actually a complex character. Not a lot of people give her enough credit for that. Anyway, I don't have much else to contribute, since my mind's kinda reeling right now. That happens a lot to me when I read deep, introspective stories. My brain kinda fries after mulling over it. Either way, briliant fic.
| Measured chapter 1 . 8/23/2008
There is no such thing as a naïve ruler,
Pelleas says Hi.
Joking aside, you do have a beautiful style, though at times the bracketed thoughts seemed to actually detract from the scene by being somewhat distracting, though they did work very well in the in-between sections and in most all cases, it was merely the fights sections where it seemed distracted.
Oh boy, I um, never cared for Ike/Elincia to put it lightly, but I remember you writing good Soren!gen and wanted to see the Geoffrey/Elincia.
Elincia seems quite in-character throughout, you managed to capture the facets of her personality, her insecurities quite well, however, I do think you..underestimated the effect of Geoffrey and Lucia to her in the first part. Where she thought that Ike was more important to her than Geoffrey and Lucia in the beginning, while it could be attributed to desperation, it seems unlike her considering she's known Ike for months and Lucia and Geoffrey for her whole life. Admittedly Ike was there for her in a very tough time and she obviously appreciates it, but still, she obviously trusted and relied on the twins a lot and I wouldn't take that so lightly.
I also think the Geoffrey/Elincia consisted a little too much of 'echoes of Ike'. She's known Geoffrey a lot longer than Ike, thus honestly I think he'd have more of an effect, even if only platonic. She may have not seen him as romantic, but he was always a trusted friend and she seemed to always be looking past him here - either to again, echoes of Ike or memories of the past. She never seemed to be seeing him as he really was.
Ike seems a little off in the first part, somehow I can't connect the dialogue I was reading to his POR self, though the second appearance has him sounding much more in-character. Ike is considered around most of the fandom an extremely hard character to write, I've talked to a lot of people who despise writing his POV, and I happen to be one of them. I guess there's just something really.. 'boyish' about him that's hard for us girls to capture? We don't have the proper equipment to write him, apparently. :P
Other than that, it was a very good story - good use of emotions and the prose was well placed, the action and dramatic scenes meshed well. I know this all sounds a bit harsh, but you said in your profile that you really valued IC-ness, thus I felt I had to add my .2 cents to it.
| Wanderer chapter 1 . 8/22/2008
All in all, this was a worthy piece in my humble opinion, despite what you may think of it, miss. (Or do you mind DS? I never know how to refer to authors when I review.) Not enough Fire Emblem stories take into account the abrupt difference in tone between Path of Radiance and Radiant Dawn regarding Ike and Elincia's relationship.
In PoR, the two of them are constantly thrown together; they probably have more lines spoken between the two of them to one another than any other pair of charcters in the game. By game's end, no one would be mistaken in assuming the two end up together after playing through the twenty-odd hours of PoR.
Then comes Radiant Dawn, with a cast of new characters and Ike MIA for the first one-third. When Ike and Elincia meet again, presumably for the first time in a year-and-a-half, they treat each other like casual acquaintances rather than former comrades-in-arms who fought through a war together. Radiant Dawn seems to care nothing for the very significant relationship that once existed between Ike and Elincia, the main characters of the last game.
Because of this, I find it refreshing to see writers who give some thought to filling in the egregious gap in the Ike/Elincia department, especially if the gap is filled with serious, quality writing. Fire Emblem is a serious game (most of the time) and I think fanfictions dealing with serious subjects ought to have a serious tone.
In terms of style, I found 'The Queen Calls Checkmate' interesting and original. The formatting didn't bother me at all, and the gaps in narration helped fill in blanks well. I say don't worry about using in-game dialogue. After all, Fire Emblem is a wonderfully well-written game in Japanese or English; there is no shame in borrowing from source material when writing a fanfiction (again, in my humble opinion).
I look forward to the third installment. I'm curious to see where you take the relationship you've created between Ike and Elincia, especially since the game offers precious little help in that department. On a personal note, maybe Ike doesn't have to disappear off the face of Tellius forever and leave Elincia behind. I won't presume to tell you how to write your story, but give it a thought, won't you?