Reviews for Guarded
Chasing Liquor chapter 8 . 10/14/2008
I think you can just skip over the parts that don't interest you, or summarize them in a few seconds. We all know the plot, obviously. For instance, you cut out almost everything from the restoration zone and went right to Atris, which worked just fine.

I wouldn't be so hard on yourself about the writing. It's definitely concise, but concise isn't always bad. I think you get across what you need to. There's a few points where I wish you'd use more of the game dialogue (which is surprising, because usually it's the opposite), but I think you were smart to strip down the Atton/Kreia conflict at the very end of the chapter. It comes off well.

So, nice job so far. Atton is, as in the game, very likable. I do hope your Exile comes to his defense with Kreia, as is an option often in KOTOR. I find myself wanting to smack her in the mouth when she disparages him.

In any case, I look forward to more, whenever you get around to posting it.
Chasing Liquor chapter 5 . 10/14/2008
Must sleep, but it's only proper to leave a review at the end of this chapter for a story I'm enjoying so much. It is surely difficult to write fiction from game dialogue, and you're doing a good job so far. I also like how you're having Atton handle some of the game tasks that, understandably, are given to the Exile. It makes sense that she and him would handle different things simultaneously.

I think your balance between game dialogue and original dialogue has been very good so far. The only thing that disappointed me was that Atton's "leave her alone" line to the impostor Rem wasn't included. One of my favorite bits from the game, and an early clue of his forming attachment.

In any case, I look forward to reading the three chapters I have left of what's here, and then the ones that I hope are yet to come.
Mini Goat chapter 8 . 10/11/2008
Hey now, you have at least three readers! I swear!

I've just been trying to move and all and have had neither time to read nor write. You did ask for suggestions though and I'll tell you what I came up with myself for my stories.

Two of them are being written compleatly out of order. When I get a 'next chapter' done I submit it even though I'm working on other ones. Sometimes this means I have to force myself to finish something up. I use the reward of working on something I enjoy more to motivate me.

I also think there's nothing at all wrong with you adding humor to the storyline as it is YOUR story and Star Wars is pretty darned funny. If you read my stories about Gert when she is young there is a LOT of humor. There is less in the ones about her when she is older only because her life is very VERY serious at the time. Future stories might see a return to her mavric personality agian.
RJJJ chapter 8 . 10/11/2008
i like the way the story is already. but since you're on the verge of boredom with writing it, i have some more ideas:

1. you can add in the villans perspective

2. you can mention the main events of kotor2 in atton's thoughts.

3. or keep it the way it is and just add what happens afterward.

only a few suggestions help you.

and like always your chapter was great.
Jen DeClan chapter 8 . 9/30/2008
OK, as one of your 2-I think you should spend the time needed. You are following the order of K2, yes, but by looking at events through Atton and having his reactions and thoughts, this makes it new. You have his character down 100%. Don't get discouraged. If it takes longer to get out a chapter ,believe me, it is worth the wait. Telos is such a long part of the game anyway-much more fun awaits. Just hang in there!
TwoChoos chapter 8 . 9/30/2008
Naw, it's not bad - it is, in fact, very good! (Anything with Atton usually is, and this is way better than most!)

I totally recognise myself in the "don't want to just re-tell the KotOR2 story" thing, but I don't think it's a problem for you, especially since you're aware of it. Just keep doing what you're doing and things will be fine.
Ceville chapter 8 . 9/30/2008
Ooh, it was cool seeing what memories Kreia was actually burrowing into, it didn't give them in the game did it?

And I think it'd be easier and more enjoyable to read if you just wrote out the chapters, and then posted them in order.

Take your time, it's not like any of us are going anywhere is it?

chrysanne chapter 8 . 9/29/2008
This is great! I love how your story is written, and am actually quite surprised that you feel it is wanting. I'm looking forward to the next update, I'm sure it'll be a blast!
RJJJ chapter 7 . 9/27/2008
It /was/ enough, callalili.

I really like how this story is progressing! I wish I could update my stories as often as you do.

Keep doin' what you're doing!
TwoChoos chapter 7 . 9/20/2008
The further this story progresses, the more I enjoy it. Keep it up!
Alpha Vegetable chapter 7 . 9/19/2008
“I can hear the song,” Carra said, straightening up and looking down at her hands. “Why shouldn’t I sing it? I remember the words.”

I am going to remember that phrase for ever! And the way you put across her 'wound' was very delicate and expressive. Right now, the way you're putting together this story sounds like a practised orchestra to me.
Jen DeClan chapter 7 . 9/19/2008
What I love about this are his thoughts about how he would take out the Jedi and also the humor about Bao's remote-especially smacking him in the head and buzzing around him like an annoying fly. Am looking forward to this continuing. I ws surprised Bao was not more concerned about the General, however, but, hey that's just me
Jen DeClan chapter 6 . 9/19/2008
Oh, fantastic and funny and you have Atton's sarcastic wit down so well and Carra with her jagged dark edges. It is so cool to see evrything from his POV.
Alpha Vegetable chapter 5 . 9/15/2008
Enjoyed! Enjoyed! Enjoyed!

I like how you put some little details in. I hated Luxa in the game. Please kill her.
Jen DeClan chapter 5 . 9/14/2008
Well sometimes when a story slips off the tracks it just means it's heading in areally interesting direction. Something happened in my story I never expected. Keep on going, The interactio between our fave bad boy with minor characters and Carra and the old bat. Tree huggers he calls the Ithorians, ha ha! I love it that his past lusts are catching up to him, too.
208 | « Prev Page 1 .. 3 10 11 12 13 14 Next »