|Reviews for Yogi and the aliens|
| Notloggingin chapter 1 . 12/21/2012
I'm too lazy to log in. The sign-off at the bottom is one of my favorite words, don't go searching up someone named "Switch" on the Authors or Users of Fanfiction and message them about how much of a b*tch they are. You'll offend them like you've offended me by posting this awful thing.
... Okay. I just want to tell you something, I don't want to hurt your feelings. You've kind of mangled English language in this story here... no offense. Okay, so I'm going to fix this for you because it's awfully short as well as it's kind of offensive to my grammar politics (no harsh feelings). Also, I'm going to leave you the proper format if you want to insert other chapters and such.
Once upon a time, there was a little girl called Yogi, and everyday she would go to her mother. Yogi would tell her mother,
"Mommy, I want to be a spaceship driver when I'm older!" but her mother would just laugh at her.
However, Yogi knew in her heart that she wanted to drive a spaceship.
At school, during Golden Time Yogi would draw a spaceship while the other children were skipping. They would tease her, calling her an alien. The children would tell her that she had green skin and two antennae, and she wanted to drive a spaceship so much because she wanted to meet her family up in space.
Yogi was very sad because the people who she thought were her friends teased her, so everyday she would come home crying not speaking to anyone and would run straight to her room, slamming the door behind her. Crying all night, Yogi's mother couldn't open the door as it was locked. The next day it was Yogi's mother's birthday. Yogi bought her mother a toy spaceship for the occasion.
Well, I'm tired so I'm going to stop here as well as the fact that this may have embarrassed you. I plead with you, please fix this. As well as the fact that if you made two chapters, use the story edit button to actually make to chapters that we can go back and forth from. It makes more sense. Fix your grammar. Check your spelling. Don't make a fool of yourself by posting something that isn't worth anybody's time! We came here to read about Girl Got Game; not some sob story of a girl named Yogi who apparently wanted to drive a spaceship when she grew up.
Not to be mean, but work on your writing if this is how you always write. Work on it, okay? I don't want to have the literature of the future be something like this. It's awful, no hard feelings.
Well, work on all of that. Also, don't forget to edit the formatting and make separators between the "chapters" if you insist on doing such things your strange way. Oh, and don't forget to use PUNCTUATION. You might want that; it's something that includes periods, commas, exclamation points, question marks? All of those? Yeah, you use those in writing. Work on it.
| Eltria Aradia chapter 1 . 3/19/2011
ok...i'm sorry, but this has nothin to do with girl got game!
| green mangolia chapter 1 . 7/3/2010
HEY nice try :)
there are a few things u could work on though...
and wats this got to do with girl got game?
| The Ninth Layer chapter 1 . 4/29/2009
Whoever told you that you could write must have been intoxicated at the time.
Seriously, what was going through your head when you decided to post this? It’s dreadful.
Do you take some kind of sick, twisted pleasure in mangling the English language?
Please, delete this.
| azumaria96 laydi-flamez chapter 1 . 8/24/2008
verry good wicked soo sad in the middle but happy at the end