|Reviews for I love to play my favorite game love|
| SnowKi chapter 4 . 12/22/2013
more pleaz 3
| Crystal-Wolf-Guardain-967 chapter 4 . 5/31/2011
i love it! can't wait for more!
| crazy kid 0.o chapter 4 . 8/9/2009
cool story i like it
| Red Slinky chapter 4 . 6/17/2009
-Claps- Yay 4 Hazel! he is the AWESOMEST! Oh and 4 the first chapter I put 'Again' from FMA: Brotherhood as the opening theme 3.
Please update soon.
Awesome story here BTW!
| XxWierdchikxX chapter 4 . 5/17/2009
I like it!
| Miffness chapter 4 . 5/2/2009
Wow, that is god! My only sugestion for you is to click enter before every quotation marks ("One of these thingys.") It makes it your story look longer, neater and gives the reader less of a erge to skip some of the story.
"Hi." Paul said
"Hello." Mary replyed.
...Wow that was a bad tip...
| Torean chapter 1 . 12/28/2008
While this story does have potential, there are some things I suggest you fix before you continue.
First thing is in dialogue: You're not capitializing the first word. I wasn't going to say anything the first time I saw it, but it's everywhere in the story. Ex: "Well, that was interesting," Colonel said in his normal tone.
Now this next thing is just how I personally would do it. Majority of this fic is in large chunks (paragraphs). While this isn't a major problem and could very well be your own style or way of writing, it gets a bit hard to read after awhile. Personally, I like to read fics that are spread out. And because this is what I like to call a "dialogue-based fic" reading dialogue where it's all clumped together can get very confusing, especially when you have more than two characters talking. Traditionally when dealing with dialogue, every time a character speaks, his dialogue is a separate paragraph. Doing this eliminates the need for constant attributives (he said, she said) and makes the content easier on the eyes. Ex:
"Well, that was interesting," Colonel said in his normal tone.
"Wow. I can’t believe Haze is here,” Hughes said.
As the conversation continues, it'll be clearly established who is saying what. It might just be me, but I frequently get confused (and eventually aggravated) when reading dialogue like that.
Well, though there are some other problems, I thought that these needed to be resolved. The other problems are simple things like spelling and grammar which are things that every writer, including myself, have problems with from time to time.
I hope you consider what I've said, and if you have any questions or comment, then please do not hesitate in messaging me. I'd be glad to help you! Also, please don't take this review as a flame! I'm not trying to be rude or down you; I'm only trying to help! Anyway, I wish you the best of luck!