|Reviews for Kingdom|
| Darev chapter 8 . 4/15/2009
It has been too long. I hope you have more free time to update at a faster basis because this has been long in coming. I've missed Malaka and his painful misadventures in the lands of Faerun and beyond.
...and it does not get more beyond than the Abyss...and naked. Why is he nude exactly? Of all beings he had to get stuck with that lippy genasi. Well least he can exchange insults and taunts with the best of them.
While I still think they defeated that glabrezu (however momentarily) pretty easily, there are far worse things in the Abyss and Aerevin and co can attest to.
| Thazienne chapter 8 . 4/14/2009
An assassin that's good with spells and daggers is good but one that's sharpest tool is their tongue... there is a killer that I would not want to have to face.
| Thazienne chapter 7 . 9/2/2008
The speed of you updating won't detor me.
Are you looking for the Shadow Weave Magic feat? That's in Player's Guide to Faerun, I'm pretty sure.
Good chap, nice action, and you might want to expose, or at least have Malaka do more things to show his lack of pure strength, having him stumble froom blows.
| Thazienne chapter 6 . 9/2/2008
A few errors, might should probably be mighty and a few things could have been worded better for clarity but other than that, all fine. I love the way Malaka choses his words and asks questions... very clever indeed. But why does no one ever listen to the assassin... oh yeah, the whole selfish, ulterior motives thing...
| Thazienne chapter 5 . 9/2/2008
Malaka at the head of any group would most likely be doomed to failure... nothing against him... but there are two types of leaders those that die for their cause and those that let people die for their cause... and he's definately the latter.
| Lady Fellshot chapter 7 . 9/1/2008
Wow Bela really doesn't get out very much if she accepts scrolls and such without question. I really hope someone slaps the stupid out of her soon :p
I have to say, I laughed hard when Malaka and Maresa sneak up on each other. That was awesome :) I do hope they all survive.
In utter contrast to the last major fight scene, this one was about the right length and really entertaining to me. I'm beginning to see that Malaka is something like the 4th or 5th choice for his current set of responsibilities and that there are some pretty good reasons for it too.
Of the minor characters, Adenal remains the most interesting. I really want to see how his conflict between following Vhaeruan and being a moon elf and not accepted or trusted by the Jaerle.
I was going to say something about Araevin knowing about how Elven High Magic is and isn't stored, but then I realized that he's on the outs with the selu'taar who might tell him about such trivia. so my credulity wasn't unduly stretched by that nit.
Overall, it's still a good read and I look forwards to more .
| Lady Fellshot chapter 6 . 8/31/2008
Ha, that's interesting. Malaka the evil drow assassin is actually modest. How endearing. I like him a little bit more now .
All right, aside from a few typos here and there, I've a few lore nits to grouse about. I don't know if this contributes to Valk's plans or the shadow man's to omit this little detail but I'll voice it anyway. For Shadow Weave casters, the nether scrolls would be a little useless. Weave casters and Shadow casters have a progressively more difficult time sensing each other's magics as they become more powerful. The two weave effects like each other the same way oil mixes with water, not very well. Couple that with the fact that the set of Nether scrolls in Cormanthyr are not in scroll form at the moment... It makes me wonder exactly what it is that the shadowman wants Malaka to retrieve.
The other thing (and the Jaerle might not know this) is that ar'selu'tel'quess was (and is) never written on anything so simple as scrolls.
And since it looks like you've updated while I wrote this chapter review, I'll get to that one in a trice .
| Darev chapter 7 . 8/31/2008
I know Malaka is your character and Lady Fellshot has given you several pointers on realism and sticking to the canon; but dude, it's fantasy and it's your fic. Don't sell Malaka short. Just becuase he's not as strong as Fflar, as deadly as Artemis or Cale, or as skilled a duelist as Maressa, does not mean he can't take them in a fight. He may be faster than Fflar, sharper than Entriri, and at least stronger than Maressa.
Some writers go overboard and make their OCs stronger than anyone, anywhere, including the canon characters. You seem to be leaning the opposite way by stating the Jaerle drow are not that tough to begin with. Keep a balance. Aervin's group overwhelmed the Jaerle, I was hoping for a closer fight. I believe Malaka could have killed Fflar if he had half the chance. Don't sell your guys short.
Back to the story-the four Jaerle were funny to read about. They have this bickering relationship that hints at awkward moments to come. I hope you don't kill any of them too early. That's one thing I hate about when reading about the drow-you like a few characters and by the end half if not most of them are dead. For once, just let a couple of really good bad guys walk away in the end.
| Lady Fellshot chapter 5 . 8/31/2008
Ah a plot and intrigue heavy chapter. Yay!
One nit (I feel like an obsessive chimpanzee for picking them so constantly :p), by the Last Mythal, the Jaerle (at least) knew about Ched Nasad's total destruction from Quenthel and co.
As for Malaka as a leader... LOL. I think I agree with and applaud his apprehension. If relations between the Auzkovyn and the Jaerle have deteriorated this badly since I read the campaign setting entries, they both must have been hit very hard by Miritar's Crusade.
Valk Auzkovyn seems like an interesting character... Certainly there's more going on with him than is immediately apparent. Perhaps he's an adherent of Shar rather than Vhaeruan?
| Lady Fellshot chapter 4 . 8/31/2008
Ok, no more lengthy descriptions of fight scenes for you. Not without a lot of research first. It would take me a while to dissect all the improbabilities in the duel between Fflar and Malaka and I'd rather save the review space for more important things. Like plot and character development :) If you want a detailed shred of the scene, PM me.
The other nit I had to pick was that I would have appreciated a little more breakup in the paragraphs, but that's pretty minor.
I loved the scene where Malaka wakes up in the healer's wing though. That was solid gold character-wise. I felt that it was a good time to give Malaka a few flaws and quirks. And I enjoyed your take on the Jaerle interpretation of Vhaeruan's doctrines. It was good to see someone explain the difference between them and the Auzkovyns.
| Darev chapter 6 . 8/31/2008
While I'm glad for the speedy updates, posting two chapters so soon will leave you with fewer reviews. Not all authors will review every chapter like I did and it makes the story go by far too fast.
You do have a few spelling errors-thought I should point that out. It's not too much but enough to be noticable.
Now as for this 'shadowman', the Netherese, as I recall, were destroyed by their own magic. Netheral was the most powerful theocracy to have ever existed. Its magic on par with the ancient elves. If this Shadow Weave can be wielded, it would give Jaerle and its allies the power to stand against the Army of Myth Drannor.
Malaka has a right to be concerned. Magic that powerful could just as easily destroy them as it would their enemies. So just who does this 'shadowman' work for? Are the Netherese wizards on the rise again?
I wonder, will Arvin and Marissa be making a return? I always wondered what happened to them at the conclusion of the "Final Gate". It would be nice to see them again.
| Lady Fellshot chapter 3 . 8/31/2008
*sigh* I'm glad you did not go with the option of over describing your fight scenes, but I'm a little grumpy at the utter lack of plot development in this chapter. I'm also a little concerned with how long you had Malaka running through the camp willy-nilly. I was left with the lingering feeling that someone would have shot or sliced him at some point.
I feel like I've been subjected to a chapter designed to "prove" to the reader just how "leet" an assassin Malaka is. I could have done without it :/
| Darev chapter 5 . 8/31/2008
Drow and chaos. The two go together like dwarves and mythril. It's true arcana magic truly is lost to the dark elves for if they cannot learn to trust they will never harness its power.
I just finished The Lady Penitent trilogy. I must say I am dissapointed. I can understand now why you're avoiding that story altogether. I felt cheated, like Lisa Smeidman just rushed through the ending. And Halisstra...what was she thinking?
Anyway, I think you'll be able to tie things together better than she did. I look forward to the next chapter and thanks for the shoutout.
| Lady Fellshot chapter 2 . 8/31/2008
A couple of nits to pick before I start singing praises :)
First, my understanding was that Fflar Starbrow Melruth was still going by Starbrow for the most part. Certainly those veterans from the battle at the Cwm and those there for the initial march towards Myth Drannor would have called him that.
And the second nit, I remember something in the source books about the Auzkovyn taking in Vhaeruanite worshippers no matter their race or skin color. It rather makes me wonder how Adenal got to be living with the Jaerle. I seem to recall something about the Jaerle having a more traditional drow view towards anyone not drow. I hope there's a very interesting story behind that somewhere.
Anyway, Malaka is still an interesting character. He seems a little dim combat wise, though. I would have thought he'd be smart enough to get his team out of there as soon as their cover was blown.
I still look forwards to the next chapter .
| Darev chapter 4 . 8/30/2008
Malaka survived a battle with Fflar? Now that is something worthy of respect. You frequently point out the differences in their fighting style which makes the battles seem more real. As good as Malaka is, an assassin does not in the light fight. It's good he knows his own limitations. Too often do drow succumb to their egos and die as a result.
Are Malaka and Bela descendants of the Myirtiri drow? Do they possess Wendonai's taint? Is it possible for the two houses to work together?
By the Abyss, don't take too long to update.