|Reviews for Sorrow of the Prince|
| ArcaneMaverick chapter 1 . 11/11/2012
You have many run-on verbose sentences. Some lines were unnecessary and didn't add anything to someones character or the overall narrative. I don't get how you allow Lelouch to judge others for breaking down over the attack when he wants to do exactly that himself.
"Are we still capable of fighting this war?" I don't think Lelouch would really ask that. If he still wanted to keep fighting, he would do it regardless and come up with a plan to allow him to keep fighting.
It's Lakshata, not Raksata. It sounds like Rak only because asians have a hard time pronoucing our Rs. I think you know that. Either that, or you saw a faulty translation.
Lelouch would also never apologize. He has never done that unless that person is in their death throes.
I was surprised here and in the anime that Kallen didn't immediately go to Lelouch's side to comfort him over the loss of his sister since she knew about it.
Some word tense mistakes, but nothing serious. At least you didn't mix up lose with loose. Some sentences are pretty inefficient to get your point across too.
You know, it's funny. I usually write reviews as I read and then edit them when I reach the end, except for short stories. It's funny because all of my above issues you addressed in your Author Notes. I guess I have nothing to complain about and good on you for putting that there.
But it begs the question of what's the point since you knew those things. In terms of how I felt after reading, I felt nothing. I didn't feel entertained or that I learned something. It was basically an exact rehash of that scene in the episode. This wasn't bad by any means though.
Take this review as you wish I guess. It's kinda neutral.
| Snowrosex3 chapter 1 . 12/13/2009
Not bad. I'd think he'd be grieving more for Nunally rather than thinking philosophically, but I guess the mind of Lelouch will always be a completely random mystery.
You should write one about him right after he shot Euphemia. If I remember correctly, he did call her his first love. The amount of raw emotion and philosophy you could squeeze out of that would be more than enough. )
| Devil Rebel chapter 1 . 6/20/2009
| Ranger24 chapter 1 . 6/6/2009
Still waiting on more meigedo
| IonicAmalgam chapter 1 . 8/27/2008
The story was a good narration of his thoughts. Good work!