Reviews for The World Outside the Walls
watlocked chapter 28 . 8/4/2013
I really liked the story; actually I loved it. - I know I've said that alot while reading it, but it's the truth.

There were a few places that felt, kind of confusing, but you did well in writing an episodic feel into the chapters. I loved how you used the one flash back to switch point of views; from Logan to Max, then Max to Logan - genius.
watlocked chapter 26 . 8/4/2013
Good action. Reminds me of mine; which is not a bad thing.

The changes in location were a little hard to follow, so maybe add a sentence like 'they went to the basement and found the cell Max was in' or something.
watlocked chapter 25 . 8/4/2013
I didn't review the last two chapters, but there wasn't much to criticize in my opinion.

Oh, and I do intend to read the sequels to this, but I totally forgot I hadn't finished reading this (I'm kind of flaky sometimes.) Needless to say I was lost a little, but I found myself so we're good.
watlocked chapter 22 . 8/3/2013
Yes - you must; you have to finish this story. You cannot stop writing this.

You can't leave me with yet another unfinished story of Max Logan. You must finish. Please?

and then maybe do an encore? (kidding, unless you honestly feel like it.
watlocked chapter 19 . 8/3/2013
It is not predictable.

And don't worry about the action. It moves plenty fast. I like books paced like this - I own alot of them.
watlocked chapter 18 . 8/3/2013
A twist! I love this story!

You should look into getting it published at some point. (I'd buy it)

Love the way you have the characters nailed down so pat and parcel, yet they are different in all the ways they need to be.

Just, random thought (because I am such a huge fan of Alec) Has the Berrisford Agenda/mission happened? You could work that into being a major snag on Zach's plan if Alec got pulled into that mission instead of going after Zach, and then Manticore reprogrammed Alec like Max has been.
watlocked chapter 14 . 8/3/2013
Fifth paragraph from the bottom -'I believe in some aspects of it'

'Their', not 'there' - and 'destine' again. 'destined'
watlocked chapter 13 . 8/3/2013
'He'd', not 'he's'. In the sentence after 'Max too sensed the tension building up.'
watlocked chapter 12 . 8/3/2013
Wow. You truly are making this your own story.
Keep going, please.
watlocked chapter 10 . 8/3/2013
Loving it!

You're doing very well in spelling (just thought I'd mention it)
watlocked chapter 9 . 8/3/2013
Just one little, itty bitty detail I've noticed; and this is just a writing technique thing, but using a comma to kind of group/separate sentences might help in some places.

I'm not saying you should, it's just a . . . friendly suggestion. I myself am addicted to the comma when I write, so it might be just me.
watlocked chapter 8 . 8/3/2013
Nothing to say on this except you did superbly.
watlocked chapter 7 . 8/3/2013
Still loving it. And I applaud your artistry in following the bones of the story while writing your own tale - truly a work of fanfiction.
watlocked chapter 6 . 8/2/2013
I. Love. It.

The parallel is genius. I don't remember any spelling errors.
watlocked chapter 5 . 8/2/2013
'Reminder' when Lydecker asks for Max's designation - it should be 'remind'.

Original Cindy! *squeals* She is one of my favourite support characters. Her and Sketchy - and Alec. (sorry - extreme fan moment there; there may be more ;)
105 | Page 1 2 3 4 .. Last Next »