|Reviews for Undying|
| HockeyFreak chapter 5 . 11/29/2008
The plot's darkening very quickly...I LOVE IT! *sqee*
Is Bowser going to make another appearance soon, or is it going to center around Peach from now on? I can't wait for the next chapter!
| Soaring Wings of Fantasy chapter 5 . 11/29/2008
Yah. This is very first piece of Bowser x Peach fanfiction I have read, so sorry if I say something weird.
I think this story was verging on the brink of being too slow, but I like the way how the story focuses on Peach and Bowser's relationship in at the start, with hints of plot, while you slowing cast aside the relation issues and focus more on the big plot ideas. I should note that it seems a bit awkward to have all this trauma with Peach and having Bowser out of the scene. Normally, trauma sequences can push characters relation foward, so it seems a bit of a wasted chance to seperate the two elements of the story.
I'm sure you have it all worked out, though, and I look forward to the next chapter.
| Azure Neko chapter 5 . 11/28/2008
Boy, if Peach's mind doesn't clear soon, we're not going to be able to tell what going on. Not unless you decide to switch to another narrator. Keep in mind that more than one of this type of confused chapter will turn people off.
| DMan51 chapter 5 . 11/28/2008
Interesting Chapter I knew Hecc T. has something to do with it. I wonder what the Mario Bros are upto.
"Keep up the good work."
| HitmanPAC chapter 5 . 11/28/2008
Looks like I missed your last chapter; sorry about that, I think ff net has been missing some of those lately.
In any case, this story is getting really good! You started out with a good level of suspense, but it's only been getting better! I'm really impressed with this story!
Grammatically, I was thinking you should use more semi-colons, but as I finished up chapter 5 I realized that you've developed a style of your own that is working. Apart from the few typos here and there (an considering that you now have a job which leaves you little time at all, typos are totally forgivable), I no longer have any issues with your style. It's very different from mine, but I'm beginning to enjoy it.
Again, this story is really gripping! The message was particularly good; giving hints that seem easy to interpret, but have a shade of something else underneath, was a great idea. Also, Peach's confused state is very interesting; you pull it off really well.
I look forward to your next chapter! Much more than I look forward to Naruto; I agree with your assessment of it. *wink*
| Sarifina Filth chapter 5 . 11/27/2008
Wow, this is extreamley complex and confusing. Everytime one question of mine is answered, a ton more are created. I barely even believed this was a Mario fanfic. Mario is usually very simple and less puzzling, this is a masterpeice that is so not nintendo's style, but is still astounding! It's like a giant riddle getting more complex with every paragraph, and just when we think I have it all figured out, more twists and turns will prove me wrong!
| mariosonic chapter 5 . 11/27/2008
A little nitpicks here and there, but, no story is without them. :P
Interesting...very interesting...though it seems like everyone has become jaded with death.
...It might be just me but I think there would be more of a reaction of shock and horror (especially since this sort of thing is not common in the Mushroom Kingdom).
Not to diminish it...it just seems like its become an everyday occurrence now in the story.
Kind of like Clue! lol
My guess for the manga is Naruto, especially *SPOILER* since Kakashi died...and so...fast and...I don't know...unepically for his character *SPOILER*
| Rock Raider chapter 5 . 11/27/2008
Ah, so it's all becoming clear now. Hecc. T.'s planning to start a war between The Mushroom Kingdom & Sarasaland &, in all the confusion, rush in & sieze power right under everybody's nose. However, if Dr. Kooheal knew, but didn't tell Peach, but told Bowser, does that mean they're somehow involved in it? If so, who can Princess Peach trust now? Unless they didn't tell her because they know telling her would drive her insane, is that it? Hope it is. I know this, Hecc T. will no doubt be punished to the fullest extent of the Mushroom Kingdom & Sarasaland law for treason against both countries. Wonder what they'll do. I'll say this, it might not be pretty. Anyway, I wonder what Peach will do in her blackout. I STILL think she turns into a monster in her blackouts & hurts people. It's the most logical explanation that I have right now. Also, I bet Hecc T. wants to sieze control of both kingdoms because he feels that they haven't done enough to rid themselves of Bowser Koopa. Maybe he plans to stage it so he can do what he feels the Mushroom Kingdom & Sarasaland are way too spineless to do, take the Koopa Kingdom down with extreme prejudice. EIther that, or he's just power-hungry. I wonder what he would do with all that power. Maybe it'll be explained when he is revealing his plans & motivations for them. Well, anyway, update soon.
| Storm Princess chapter 5 . 11/27/2008
*Jumps up and down* I do I do! Have been busy again, but enjoyed this chappie and am looking foward to seeing more :)
| Ninjamuffin13 chapter 5 . 11/27/2008
I don't mean to offend you, but I can't help but be amused by the 'stomachache epidemic'. I dunno, maybe it's the juxtaposition of the serious way it's handled (not to mention all the deaths going on) with the slightly silly/underwhelming name, but I find it funny. It's like this in my head:
"Shut it down!" The man in the biohazard suit yelled from behind his facemask, causing dozens of similarly attired men to rush forward, barring the doors and windows with their own bodies and bullets to prevent the people inside from leaving. Their pitiful wails of pain punctuated their desperate need to escape the confines of the small eatery, but, even if they weren't contagious, the mysterious illness that had gripped them was too horrifying to risk letting it spread. In the distance, helicopters with a gigantic medical tarp approached.
"What are we to do?" A woman stood by the man's side, the medical mask pressed against her face doing little to hide the waver in her voice. Her once bright yellow dress was torn and tattered, covered in blood and dirt. She'd been nearby when the epidemic had suddenly hit and, as a ruler who lived for her people, had done all she could help triage those inside, ripping away strips of her layered dress for makeshift bandages and offering her hands to those who were too wracked with pain to even scream. Until the CDC showed up and forced her out here, anyway. "We have to do something to help them." There were several agents trying to get her into a chemical shower, but her Royal status was keeping them from forcing her into it, for now. The man in the suit turned to her.
"I know, Princess Daisy, I know. We will do everything we can for them, I promise." He looked out towards the building again. "We'll know more about what we're dealing with when Dr. Nikolai-" He stopped short when the agents by the front door backed up, allowing another hazmat-clad person to exit. What distinguished this person, however, was the Rod of Asclepius on both shoulders, signifying their status as a medical doctor. "Ah, and there she is now."
Dr. Nikolai quickly approached the Princess and the man in the hazmat suit, bowing to the former before turning to the latter. The first words out of her mouth were less than encouraging.
"It's worse than we thought." She shook her head. "I've isolated the cause as being environmental; Something in that shop did this to them. However, I fear they are being far from the last cases we'll be getting. I find it doubtful that this... sickness is limited to this area."
"Have you found out what's wrong with them? Why they're in so much pain?" Daisy shrugged the hand of an agent off her shoulder, she would go through decontamination once she knew what was going on, not a moment sooner. Reluctantly, the doctor nodded.
"Da." Her accent thickened considerably; She was obviously disturbed by what she'd uncovered. "They are having..." She swallowed. "Tummy-aches." Daisy's eyes widened in horror.
"My... My God..."
So, you can see how that would be funny.
You'd think, at this point, the Kingdom would be on lockdown. No one in, no one out, guards on high alert, only the most trusted people allowed in the castle, guards with the Royal family at all times, the works.
Also, weird plan for pitting two countries against each other. Either Hecc T. didn't think this through, or there's a whole lot more to it. The rulers of the countries are related, for goodness' sake. It'll take a lot more than a few hundred deaths by imported peaches to get them fighting. If anything, Hecc T. just got both of 'em after him.
... Come to think of it, who runs Sarasaland, anyway? Certainly not Daisy. She's not the mind or personality for it.
I note an improvement in grammar/spelling.
And... I used up all my reviewing power by writing that stupid illustration up there.
Looking forward to the next chapter, though I'm hoping it's not got anymore 'stomachache epidemic'-esque type things. They tend to undercut the feel of the rest of the chapter.
Still, not a bad chapter.
| DMan51 chapter 4 . 11/4/2008
I think I'm beggining to get the gist of what the story is about. I think Hecc T is the reason why Peach is been having those symptoms, also Peach is the one who lost control Bowser,and Toadsworth.
"keep up the good work."
| Ninjamuffin13 chapter 4 . 11/3/2008
Ahh... Chrono Trigger... Ya know, Marle was a much more entertaining character if you pretended everything she said was sarcasm.
Man, those puns were bugging the heck outta me. I knew they had to be something, but I didn't know what. I kept pronouncing Heal T. as 'Heel Tee' And Hecc T. as 'Heck Tee', which threw me off, I guess.
Pregnancy test, eh? I didn't know Toads even got pregnant. I figured they just, ya know, spored.
Also, at the risk of sounding like a grammar Nazi, when the word 'Dad' (or Mom or Grandfather or anything at all really)is used in place of a name, it needs to be capitalized. Plus, when people speak, the start of their sentences should be capitalized,even if it's in the middle of a sentence itself. (Though, if memory serves, this rule isn't always recognized.) There's a couple other grammar/spelling errors, but nothing else that was sustained.
The King demands legal action! Does this mean they use Royal Lawyers? Not sure that's how a Monarchy works, but, then again, the Mushroom Kingdom is hardly your typical Monarchy. Plus, I like the way 'Royal Lawyers' sounds.
Meat popcorn actually exists? That's impressive. I'll have to look up how to make it/where to buy it. It sounds to interesting to not try.
Acid... that's different.
I can only assume there's another entrance into the secret chamber somewhere of other, as getting those bodies and whatnot in there would be quite the task with all the science types running about. Course, if the King's involved (probably), then that would make things much easier.
I wonder how many calories you burn by breathing fire... Also, does that make him warm, or cold-blooded?
Looking forward to the next chapter.
| James Birdsong chapter 4 . 11/3/2008
| demonlifehealer chapter 4 . 11/2/2008
Wow poor peach! But why is Bowser trying to hide things from her? And what did Hect T do? I am so confused as to what is going on but I can't wait till you write more so I can find out! Please update soon!
| ebtwisty9 chapter 4 . 11/2/2008
I LOVE THIS STORY BUT IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY!
You must just twiddle your fingers evilly and practice mwa-ha-ha-ha-ing while reading reviews of people flipping out and trying to figure out the mystery.
What's happening to Peach? HOW did she get infected? Is anyone else infected? Why are all the victims in Kero Sewers? How much is Hecc T involved? What about Bowser?