Reviews for Even Mario isn't perfect
Guest chapter 1 . 7/6/2014
LMAO!DAMN BRO,GOOD POINTS!
StephenP18 chapter 1 . 12/16/2010
A note to Superlardbucket, I know I already gave a review, but I've decided to give a bit more why I disagree with your opinions. First of all you've clearly never played Yoshi's island to the end. Mario is actually delivered to a mushroom house at the end of the game, and last time I checked, Italy doesn't have mushroom houses.

Also I don't believe the whole "Mario is from Brooklyn" canon for a couple of reasons. First of all, the show and movie were not actually made by Nintendo, hence I don't take them as offical canon. Good thing too, because there's a million things that don't make sense in the cartoon and it's way too different from the games themselves. Also Yoshi's Island isn't the only game that features Mario as a kid in the mushroom kingdom. There's also Mario and Luigi: Partners in time which show that Mario and Luigi have played with the princess numerous times as kids. And finally there's the Mario vs Wario comics in Nintendo Power (actually made by nintendo so I take it as canon) comics that show Mario and Wario growing us as kids in the mushroom kingdom. Also if Mario wasn't born in the mushroom kingdom. How do Mario and Wario meet and have their rivalry? Care to explain that? Also ever noticed that the whole Mario is from Brookln isn't refered to in any games whatsoever? (Well except for Mario is Missing but that wasn't made offically by Nintendo.)

Also I really do think Mario kills the turtles. He doesn't just jump on their heads, he throws fireballs at them and also knocks them into their shells and kicks them off cliffs. If it kills Mario when he falls off the cliffs. I'm sure it kills the turtles. And if that's not enough to make you think Mario kills the turtl;es. He also makes Yoshi eat them. How about that?

But you make some other good points about Bowser and the princess. You could be right, but there's nothing in the games to confirm it. No matter what the reason is that the princess gets kidnapped. It's still uncreative, tiring and repetitive.

Take my word on no matter how hard you try, no matter how much research you do, you will never EVER figure Mario out. Mario makes about as much sense as a three legged parrot making love to a one eyed cat in a goldfish bowl full of strawberry ice cream. Also the turtles aren't coated in acid, they can touch each other fine without themselves dying.
LawAbidingShota chapter 1 . 10/30/2010
Mario isn't supposed to make sense, silly! :P
Vanessa Osbourne chapter 1 . 7/30/2010
NICE! You know, this person actually made a game where animal lovers beat the crap outta Mario. (well, it's called Super Chick Sisters)This could be true. That, or nintendo just created these Italian-plumber versions of Paul McCarntey and John Lennon (look at the first letter of the last names of these two, then look at Mario and Luigi's first names. yeah)

And the princesses, don't get me started.

Daisy looks like the princess from Disney's Beauty and the Beast

Peach looks like the princess from Disney's Sleeping Beauty

Rosalina looks like the princess from Disney's Cinderella.

NINTENDO! BE MORE ORIGINAL! JEEZE!

All i suggest is that you change the rating from K to T. I'm not flaming, it's just a suggestion.
UNKNOWN chapter 1 . 5/31/2009
DUDE,NINTENDO HAS SAID THEIR LAST IS MARIO MAKING THEM MARIO MARIO AND LUIGI MARIO.I BELIEVE WALUIGI HATES LUIGI BECAUSE BOTH OF THEM LOVE PRINCESS DAISY,BUT DAISY LOVES LUIGI AND HATES WALUIGI,SO THAT'S THEIR KIDNAPPED PEACH ONCE TO HOLD HER RANSOM FOR MONEY,BUT MARIO CAME AND KICK HIS FAT BUTT.I DON'T KNOW WHAT BOWSER WHO CARES WHAT PETA 'T GET ME WRONG I LIKE ANIMALS,BUT PETA TAKES IT TOO GETTING KIDNAPPED IS HOPEFULLY THAT CLEARS UP THE MARIO UNIVERSE.
StephenThePlaystationDude chapter 1 . 3/19/2009
To superlardbucket

Some very good points. But other than Yoshi's island there's a few things that suggest that Mario was and seems to have lived in the Mushroom Kingdom for some time as a baby. The Mario vs wario comics show Mario and Wario as kids living in the mushroom kingdom, plus Mario and Luigi partners in time, show Mario as a baby living in the mushroom kingdom too hence still making me think if he's really italian. Nevertheless you have a right to your opinion.

However no matter how hard you try you will never figure Mario out. Mario makes about as much sense as a three-legged parrot making love to a one-eyed cat in a goldfish bowl full of strawberry ice-cream, that's how much sense he makes.
SuperLardBucket chapter 1 . 2/28/2009
If you want, I can clear up a few things for you.

Mario is Italian. He wasn't born in the Mushroom Kingdom. He and Luigi were immigrants living in New York. They were plumbers (Failing plumbers actually. Poor as dirt.), and their lives pretty much sucked. One day, Mario and Luigi were plumbing a toilet, and they got sucked down the drain. They met Princess Peach, and she showed them a lot of hospitality, which made them feel quite indebted to her, and sparked Mario's crush, which helped when Bowser crashed through her castle for the first time. They went off to save her (somehow the mushroom kingdom made them super-strong and awesome jumpers. I think it had something to do with the mushrooms), and they beat Bowser. They decided to stay in the Mushroom Kingdom, because it was either stay there and be heroes or go back to New York and be poor. As for the part where the baby ends up on Yoshi's island, I think the stork flew over the island on its way to Italy... The mushroom kingdom could actually be an uncharted continent off the coast of Europe, somewhere west of Africa.

And Bowser is a koopa, like all his minions, but he's either very highly evolved, or he underwent some kind of metamorphosis. My theory is the second, because in the game, you fight turtles, then spiky turtles, then big spiky turtles, then Bowser. Koopa's are actually more closely related to butterflies than Koopas... I think that has something to do with his immortality... well, less immortality than indestructibility.

As for Peach, I suspect that she and Mario have a troubled relationship. It's either A. she's not allowed to date commoners, so she lets herself be kidnapped, so Mario can rescue her and they can spend time together as lovers, since her attendants will only let her see him as a friend, or B. Mario's actually a self-absorbed dick, and Peach lets herself be kidnapped because it forces him to actually pretend like he gives a shit...

And I don't think Mario kills the turtles, just knocks them out... And my theory on the touching thing is that they're coated in acid, that for some reason can eat through clothes, but can't eat through the sole of a shoe...
Drrockz chapter 1 . 2/8/2009
DUDE YOU SUCK STOP TRASHING MARIO!

jk. This was funny.
Sons of Ocelot chapter 1 . 11/19/2008
Good Points.

Hilarious. This was very creative. I mean if you really think about it he truly IS a stoned womanizing thief.
Walkazo chapter 1 . 9/21/2008
It's nice to see I'm not the only one who broods about the Mario series. I totally agree with your points about Mario having animal cruelty and drug issues. I used to rant about his mistreatmehnt of Yoshi until someone showed me some artwork of Mario pointing at something to get Yoshi too eat; then I took a closer look at the sprite, and saw that Mario was indeed pointing... with his middle finger.

I hate how Bowser's species has never been named (or represented by anything but Bowser and his kids; meaning Mario routinely smacks down an endangered species). In Super Mario Bros., all the "Bowsers" were merely lesser enemies disguized as the Koopa King (if you kill them with fireballs you'll see thier true identities). However, that does not bar the fact that Mario DOES kill Bowser repeatedly (for this point, I like citing the much-hated Mario Is Missing educational game, which culminated in Bowser getting flash-frozen and split is two).

Finally, your points about Wario and Waluigi were very thought-provoking. Keep up the good work (although technically rants aren't exactly the fanfiction meant for this site, just to warn you).
mfdkgnv chapter 1 . 9/16/2008
I beleve an official source somewhere said his last name was mario...It was nintendo power I beleve.
Opal Dream chapter 1 . 9/15/2008
hahaha that was so funny! I loved the bit were mario punchs yoshi to make him eat... Hilirous!
SuperLardBucket chapter 1 . 9/15/2008
Axtually, Mario has gotten very relaxed in his old age. He doesn't really do anything beyond play golf, or tennis, or occasionally race on go-karts. I welcome the Peach gets kidnapped cliche. At least then Mario goes on an actual adventure instead of just playing sports... If I don't play sports in real life, why would I play them in a video game. If I don't play them in a video game, why would I play them in a MARIO video game... they could at least have Mario play a sport that goes with his action-adventure genre, like... Ultimate Mario Gladiators, all the characters go on the Ultimate Gladiator. Or better yet: Kunjg Fu Mario. I would LOVE to play Kung Fu Mario. All the Mario characters compete in the UFC!