|Reviews for Orþanc Heoru|
| The Archaic Minister chapter 1 . 10/22/2008
I really wish more people would write for this dead section.
Owen? Do you mean Owen Greylock, the (presumably) Association's tinkerer without equal? If so, I doubt he'd be Olaf's nephew.
Speaking of which, Olaf doesn't talk in such a plain, crisp dialogue; he be'd a pirate, yarrgghhwahahawhatever, who says "me" instead of "my" and "ye" instead of "you", and all that.
While the layout, flow, and overall implementation of description in this is very good, conversation between each of the characters is stale, unimaginative, and just too casual.
Make them say more than what pertains to the topic being discussed, and color the dialogue of each individual character a different color, as everyone has his or her own unique mode of speech, offset by his or her consequently unique personality, to say the least.
When writing canon characters such as Olaf Greyshoulders into your work, projecting the right personality through speech and thought, as well as avoiding OOCness in general, is especially crucial.
Lastly, make the events and plot points in your work a bit more exploratory; curve it in as many new, abstract ways as possible, rather than leave it in the form of a somewhat clichéd, straight line.
Surprise your readers; insert cliffhangers, leave your audience biting off their fingernails and demanding more, and more, and more.
But still, this is good. Don't abandon it.
It doesn't deserve such neglect.
I'm going to put this on my alert list. Don't disappoint me.