|Reviews for The prodigy creature|
| la saboteuse chapter 2 . 10/9/2008
Still more intriguing. It reminds me of 'Wings,' a book I read some months ago. It was very good.
Again, though, there are a few errors, such as the use of 'allowed' where 'aloud' should have been. Also, keep in mind that every time someone speaks, a new paragraph begins. Go back and make certain that you have all the needed commas in place as well.
There was one phrase that bewildered me:
'Deciding rather if her wonder was worth it or subtle,...'
If that somehow makes grammatical sense, by all means, enlighten me. '...if her wonder was worth it' vs '...if her wonder was...subtle'
I can take a stab at the intended meaning using the rest of the sentence, but it still bothers me.
I am surprised, though, that no one else has yet reviewed! It really is wonderful so far.
| la saboteuse chapter 1 . 10/9/2008
Hm...interesting, if a bit vague...
Consider who your intended audience is. How many, aside from the poetically inclined, will have the patience to read this carefully enough to understand it? I personally enjoy reading and writing in this style from time to time, but the majority of your readers are a different story.
You will have to try very hard not to be cliche or cheesy. Breaking it up into several paragraphs would be a wonderful idea; it helps to keep the average reader's short attention span from wandering.
You may wish to go back and edit it again; there are a few errors. You also may find it beneficial to post chapters much earlier in the evening, so that more people read your story.
Please don't take this the wrong way; I'm only saying this because you show promise, and I can tell that you are capable of something much better.