Reviews for Children Of Dune Revisted
Guest chapter 5 . 7/4/2012
Odele

This is really good. The relationships between all four kids is very natural and unforced. This makes it seem necessary to have the two sets of twins instead of just the one. I actually almost like Leto here, which I never did in the real book. (I don't know why. I guess he just rubbed me the wrong way.)

However, I don't like that you've name Mariam's brother Paul. It's perfectly logical for you to do so, but it just confuses me, even if they only ever call the original Paul Muad'Dib. There are already too many people with the same name in Dune (the three Leto Atreides.)

Also, I don't think Ghanima and Mariam can be called Kwisatz Haderachs. By definition a Kwisatz Haderach is male. Otherwise Alia, who shares many of Paul's powers, would be a Kwisatz Haderach as well. Don't get me wrong, they're very powerful girls, but they aren't Kwisatz Haderachs; they're whatever the female equivalent is. (I know it is implied that Ghanima could have done what Leto did, which I think is where the confusion comes from.)

Please know that I really like your story with its descriptions and characters, but I'm a nitpicker. The tiniest things bug me.

Good job. I doubt you're going to write more on this based on the amount of time that's pased, but I'm still happy to provide feedback. Consider this an A review.
delightfully-so chapter 5 . 9/5/2010
Very interesting plot, and great writing! I look forward to where you will bring the two sets of twins.
Anna Taure chapter 4 . 6/23/2010
Be a sweetheart and write more, please. No mistakes, story respecting the characters and the context, excellent interaction between original and Herbert's twins ("No offense, sweet coz"). I'd so much like to read more of it. :)
AngelQueen chapter 4 . 3/8/2010
This is so interesting! I too was always curious about the inconsistencies that sprang up between the earlier and later books. I vividly recall reading Dune Messiah and reading the passage where Alia had a vision of her own child, preborn like she was. And yet when Children of Dune rolled around, there was no child of Alia and Duncan. I always assumed that perhaps something happened to their child, and it died? But this idea is much better! I hope to see it continued when you have time! :)