|Reviews for Cutting It Away|
| Rhea Silverkeys chapter 1 . 12/15/2008
Hi! Sorry it's taken a very long time, but I'm finally reading the entries for the contest.
Slightly but still not very related, is the very uninteresting fact that I yawned just as I was reading about Megan yawning, which may or may not further prove that talking about yawning makes you yawn, too.
This is a very small error, but you have a comma instead of a full-stop after Megan's daddy chuckles "Thought you might." Also, in the next paragraph, perhaps "white milk" instead of "milk white"? Again, you've ended with a comma instead of a full-stop in the dialogue when Megan says sorry for talking with her mouth full.
Oh, I really do love this paragraph about Megan wondering about jobs and schools and how she doesn't get how a boring job gets you a good school. The thoughts portrayed were, I thought, much like a child's and I loved how you wrote it.
Mm. You've put in a comma again when her father responds "Of course he is." to Megan's question of whether Uncle Pete is coming. The comma in this case would have been fine if you'd then added "her father said", but as it ended there it should have been a full-stop.
The ending was really sad and beautifully written. Such a wonderful tragic little story. I love how you've written this piece perfectly from a child's point of view. You also incorporated the theme from the challenge very well. I really wonder why her dad left! Was it something to do with his job or something unrelated? Please pretty please tell me *big sad puppy dog eyes*
Anyway, I really enjoyed this piece and thought stylistically was very well written. There were just a couple of mistakes in the punctuation, which doesn't sound like a big deal but in the dialogues I found them a bit jarring to the flow of the story. Or I'm just a nazi for that kind of thing.
| superfelix chapter 1 . 9/24/2008
Oh...wow, nice explanation.
Will season seven tell me more about Megan and her dad? Season six made the bigin.
| Metisse chapter 1 . 9/24/2008
I think I already told you this but I thought I'd post a review anyway as I know they always make me feel better. :)
Love the look into Wheeler's past. Absence makes the heart grow fonder as I have started to really like Wheeler and would like to learn more about her. I can easily see her reacting this way to her abandonment by her father.
| star jelly chapter 1 . 9/24/2008
That was good. The final line was so deep, I really liked this story.