|Reviews for Voices I See People I Hear|
| Yamashita Rie chapter 6 . 4/17/2009
| tellie chapter 6 . 4/6/2009
I like the story The basic idea is kind of creepy, wich is good for reader, bad for characters :P
Personally I would have done longer chapters. They might have helped woth building the dark, slightly evil atmosphere, but I am not complaining too much about that. I quess it is more about personal likings than some absolute truths.
I think it would be good it you made some clear difference between toughts and storytelling. For example:
"Shuuhei looked away, sinking in his own thoughts. This guy too? Seeing zombies, ghosts and shit. I don’t believe in that kinda stuff but I’ve heard too many stories. Damn, I hope he doesn’t end up like Renji—shooting up drugs just to forget everything. Just so he wouldn’t see anything."
At first: the idea is just SO cool I nearly fainted for coolness. But..
Ok, maybe I am just more stupid than my left boot, but when I meet storytelling like this, I go totally wtf? Is it 1st or 3rd person? What is happening? Gaah, I don't get it :P
Sure, even I get it rather soon, but if the reader have to think, it kind of breaks the storytelling. So, when someone is thinking, it is good to use cursive (and often write some explanation that gives some space to the story)
Ah, every one is a criticist :) It is just, personally I grieve constructive criticism, and so I tend to give it to other too, even if they didn't ask it... But yeah, maybe I should say some things about the things I totally liked.
I just LOVE 69’s Tattoos and what you wrote about Renji's tattoos. I have a thing for tattoos, wich is why I spare some special attention for tattoo talk... And you did very vell! It felt natural, and cool, and description in the first chapter was very vivid. YAY
There was other cool things too, for example not so nice Karakura town. It always felt too sunny, and a bit more crime and sin just does good for it.
Waiting for next chapter
| IcySnappDragon chapter 1 . 3/15/2009
i love this story! the plot is relly interesting and i like how you portray the characters. update soon! its killing me!