|Reviews for Naruto: Shinobi Wars|
| sendicard chapter 20 . 4/28/2014
"Well, could be worse," Naruto admitted with a hollow laugh. "Orochimaru could be my dad."
All i could think is "Oh fuck, don't think like that! Someone will make a spin off fanfiction about it!"
"Naruto was left staring in annoyed awe at the damned door."
All I could think is the hundred different things that could be running through his head. All the way from "Wonder if they make this in clothing?" to "Must apply to Konoha great wall!" Hell I even had a brief thought on "Wonder if I could apply this to condoms? Never have an unwanted pregnancy again!" Just want to cover myself in it and go into public insulting known gang members and bikers. I'd say the Mob but they might figure out a way around it... Crafty.
A puzzle box... Wow, that really is meaningful. Way to sell that so well by the way.
That Omake. the thing I love about your Omake is that they really could happen in the story, it's not just stupidly crazy shit. It has a real line of logic to it as well. It just turns out quite magnificently.
Hmm, if he doesn't at least tell Ino about the Kyuubi soon she'll learn through politics... That would suck.
| sendicard chapter 19 . 4/28/2014
Naurto", can't help but point out that showed up multiple times.
Sister? Ooouh, things are going to be fun!
| sendicard chapter 18 . 4/28/2014
"Secretyly", figure it out yourself, because personally I view the error as kind of a secret.
Also, you fuck up too/to a few times in this chapter.
Well I'm done with typos, just get a proper compatible word processor. Microsoft office and Libre Office work for fanfiction. At least I hear Libre does. Libre is free so, that's what I would get.
Personally I would agree with your "I'm not getting another word processor" speech but, well it's fucking up your beautiful work right? Why fight it when it's not a hard change. All word processors are pretty much the same when you get down to it.
| sendicard chapter 17 . 4/28/2014
"Wwho knew" another one, love it!
I recall Kakashi being Anko's ex-lover not... Fuck it, don't care for Hokage logic. I'll stick with crazy, so much more simple.
So when the hell is that reveal going to happen? You better not fuck it up, it's like the main thing I look forward to in a story. A fantastic "reveal" is something I actually fantasize about while reading. A horribly done reveal can be the difference between a "fantastic" story and a "Not worth reading." I once read a great story that fucking skipped it, like, time skip shit. Bullshit I say. Great story though.
Normally I expect it to be horrible but you make me expect at least moderate greatness.
"tradtional" Find it without Ctrl F and I'll give you some water.
"We gotta bet this guy and we'll be fifty ryou richer!" One, if I didn't know better I'd assume that's the legitimate line so... Nice typo.
Two, yay, 5 dollars!
"managing to doge a fifth" Well yes there is a dog in this situation, but I'm not sure what a doge is, and I'm also not entirely sure how you manage it. Must be like a bagel. A ninja bagel, most likely with wings but... Still a bagel.
"disapaited" Dissipated man, dissipated. That looks like some sort of bastard child of disappeared and ate... I get it, it disappeared because it was eaten by that word! Not sure if that's the proper word for that anyway...
Still, youre probably saner than nii-san."
This is actually another one where the first quote mark is taken off, but that's not the important part.
You're has a ' mark. So... Ya.
"Hizashi had beenwas his father."
You know that big thing at the bottom of your keyboard? It's called a "space bar," me bro; press it at new words. Not that the sentence works even with the space...
"moreweapons." Ouch, I'm thinking this was during that week where fanfiction was screwing up spaces... Then again it's kind of spaced out. Hahahah! Spaced out.
Just some typos and thoughts... Such.
| sendicard chapter 16 . 4/28/2014
I'm assuming that dream was a side effect from the seal? Probably a problem in the initial design. I recall you saying it flared his chakra to break the genjutsu, but you never said it got rid of it. It's highly possible the seal takes it in and gives it to him later, or that it traps it in his subconscious. A forceful effect of a design flaw. My own theory of course, obviously it could be different. That just seemed like something out of Tsukiyomi which is Itachi's signature genjutsu.
"wished he could be simply be a "
Figured if I'm already reviewing, might be a good idea to throw in a typo. I mean, some people really care about them.
I would like to put forward something that's bugged me straight from the beginning, the Kage Bunshin. At one point you called Naruto's different without really explaining it.
Another weird factor is that they seem to last more than a single hit, everyone's. That's not canon, and was never really given a reason. Most of the differences of your story from canon are explained somehow, but that never was.
"Idiotic," "pPanks?" Haha! WTF? Holy shit, woot. I love typos like that. It's at the end of the chapter, take you like 10 seconds to find it even if you don't use the Ctrl F function.
| sendicard chapter 15 . 4/28/2014
I know it's kind of stupid of me but I've never been good with Geography, or anything like it. Do you have a map including all these small countries and such? Kind of like that map Naruto had but like real, maybe on your computer or something? I'd love to be able to have the visual aid to help me understand the war and territories, which are undoubtedly important in this story. Cuz at the moment when you go off on a rant all I see is a shit load of "Kuni" and absolutely no image. Which is sad because I think and understand through images so I'm utterly lost.
Ahh, so she did hear the word Jinchuuriki and take it in, didn't seem like it. My apologies.
Shit, the loyalty seals are in Konoha? That isn't good...
| sendicard chapter 14 . 4/27/2014
Nice fights, Ino didn't even put forward notice that she heard the crack about Naruto's status as a Jinchuuriki. I get that she might not understand but to not even make note if it? Kind of weird...
| sendicard chapter 13 . 4/27/2014
"Incidentally, Shino says, 'Hi'." Haha, fucking knew it!
Poor Hanabi, even lashing out at those she cares about she's that fucked up by it.
"Because Naruto said so."
Fuck. As someone who knows quite a bit about psychology, seeing those words from a confused young girl to justify a situation like that with such certainty... I can't describe the amount of "Holy, fuck, SHIT!" signs of alert that brings. Nice job.
There were a lot of missing " symbols in this chapter... Took some time to figure out when people were talking and the narration ended... Sometimes.
| sendicard chapter 8 . 4/26/2014
"Sadly, before he could enjoy her proposal, he promptly passed out from blood loss. "
I legit looked up in the air and shouted "NOOO-!" For like 8 seconds. That poor, poor bastard.
On one hand I kind of feel like Naruto's massive house is empty, and therefore he should move the poor girl in but... On the other hand, that would have some pretty weird implications you know? I mean obviously it would be to help her, not for... Other... Reasons... Shut up!
| sendicard chapter 3 . 4/26/2014
Wait a minute what? Shino died? All that crap about making him a "new hive" and he's dead at the start of the new story? That's not just mean, that's ridiculously cruel.. He's also a Jonin in the information part of the beginning... I'm assuming he's not actually dead? Hiding or something? I mean you put way too much work into him to kill him off screen like that. Kill him sure but it has to be dramatic before I'll believe it's for real! Unless the story ends without saying he's alive... Obviously it's legit then. You know, writer has spoken and all that?
| Guest chapter 1 . 4/25/2014
i have read a lot of fanfictions but this is the best i have ever read and i have waited enoug for your update you beta start updating cause am just imaging what wil happen pleas update ASAP
| sendicard chapter 1 . 4/25/2014
Oh sorry, tiredness caused me to forget something I wanted to say like 10 chapters beforehand in the previous story.
I really enjoy how well you've changed a little bit of everything. You picked the idea of not just changing one thing, but an entire timeline and you stuck to it. At the same thing so much is the same on the outside looking in. It's really quite nice... For instance, I'm pretty sure in Canon Anko did not kill her teammates. You change that, while making it seem natural. Giving reasons based on slight personality changes based off slight history changes. It's extremely well done and whether you planed it or it's just random changes... It looks awesome and works out just as well. Only one example I can remember, I'm sure you could remember plenty so there really isn't much of a point in me struggling on it eh? Haha, just know it's awesome.
| blackcatx13 chapter 42 . 3/22/2014
Wow I really love this story. It is very well done and I personally can't wait for a Naruto/Anko confrontation. When you had her defect, I was just sad. I hope she can sill be redeemed. Anyway, great story and anxiously waiting for the next update!
| Guest chapter 15 . 2/24/2014
The mind control, Neji and Tenten. I'm done, can't do it any more. I'm done reading this. This story was downhill from the very beginning.
| Guest chapter 14 . 2/24/2014
You need to slow down when you type, some words get jumbled up or are incorrect in their order. I feel it'd be worse without a beta reader.