|Reviews for Without A Prayer|
| Roxas-Chan-Chan chapter 1 . 10/26/2008
Aw! So Kawaii! I LOVED IT! :3
| Kish's Kittie chapter 1 . 10/3/2008
Here were the things I was looking for in your story:
1. Proper Spelling/Grammar
2. How well it was put together under four thousand words
3. How IC the characters are even with it being an AU
4. How well you portrayed Ryou and Ichigo's relationship (romantic or friendly)
5. How it's ended
6. The overall development
7. No character bashing
10. If all of my contest rules were taken into consideration and used...
To start this review off I will point out the corrections that need to be made. The first thing that caught my eye is that Pudding (Purin-whatever) kept saying "no na da", and it's supposed to be "na no da". I'm not sure if that was because this was an AU or if you had just forgotten. o.o And secondly, this sentence needs to be corrected: "There was the sound on wood knocking on wood..." I think you should replace the first "on" with "of".
I do think, too, that a little more background on what these "Nulls" were or where they came from would've been helpful, but a challenge with the word limit I gave you. :P And I also think that there should've been more of a center on Ryou and Ichigo-I felt like it was just kind of rounded around everyone when it was supposed to be mainly Ryou and Ichigo...
You know, I'm not that into Action genre stories but I think you played this card quite nicely I must say. I thin you would make a good novelist. I really liked the Ryou and Ichigo interaction though. It's hard to see Ryou soft but you just REALLY made it work with the whole "Ichigo desperation" thing. Him hugging and comforting her was beautiful... and then you added that little "humorous sarcastic" Ryou in there too, which was very him. I also liked the ending. It felt like something I would've seen at the end of a real movie, and you left it perfectly open for a sequel if you wanted...
| Inflamora Notoris chapter 1 . 10/2/2008
This is a lot interesting than the TMM episodes
| Kitty Kat K.O chapter 1 . 10/2/2008
That was amazing. The action and fast-pace at the beginning, the fact you used all of the characters, the Ryou x Ichigo interaction at the end...
I don't normally like reading action/adventure stories as I can never get into the fight, what with most of the time it being overly described. However, you used the right amount of detail and moving fight scenes between the conversations gave it better flow.
One thing I didn't really like was the Purin-death part. The feelings from the other characters came through, yet the previous pace of the story seemed to make it move a little too fast.
But, the ending was superb - the pace slowed down whilst they were talking, and added a bit of humour in. The verse that rounded it all up was great as it tied to the fic nicely.
| Hannelore Cat chapter 1 . 10/1/2008
They're all going to die, aren't they?
They killed Purin! How could they? Evil, nasty things.
I don't know what to say. it was well written, but depressing. Nice work,
| sakuuya chapter 1 . 10/1/2008
You left the parentheses around (Kish moaned). You probably wanna fix that...
I'm so happy that you managed to get this up before the deadline. Honestly, this is by far my favorite fic (other than mine :P) in this whole contest. Part of that, I'm sure, is because it's the only other pure Elseworld, and I do love a good alternate setting.
More importantly, though, I like your use of fight scenes to move the plot along. I can't write fights to save my soul, but you pull yours off gracefully, imbuing each conflict with increasing despair and desperation.
For a long time, I couldn't put my finger on what this fic reminded me of. Answer: The Descent. Have you ever seen it? It's about a group of female spelunkers who get eaten by cave nasties. Also, it's the scariest effing movie I've ever seen. Your fic is a lot more optimistic about human nature, but you make similarly awesome use of your claustrophobic setting.
And, well, your ending kicks The Descent's ending's butt in terms of sheer tragic intensity. That ending is why "Without a Prayer" is the superior title: It really hammers home the futileness of the hopeful ending. They're never going to get out of there, are they?