|Reviews for Secret|
| hairline chapter 1 . 10/15/2013
Great chapter Charlie nearly let it slip
| Guest chapter 39 . 5/23/2013
Hello! Just finished reading your story, it is fantastic! A shame that there isn't that final conclusion to the story. Is there any chance you will finish it up? Seems like you've put so much time and talent in to it, it would be a shame for it to go unfinished! Thanks for writing :) x
| ByeFanFiction2015 chapter 39 . 4/6/2013
Um, so...what happened to the last 2 chapters of this story?
| lisa chapter 39 . 3/10/2013
hello, i really love your stoty. i finished it within 2 days. can you please put a date for the next chapter on your profile. Do you even still writte this story?
| itsnotadream chapter 39 . 1/20/2013
Absolutely fell in love with this story and didn't even realise until I reached chapter 39 that it still has not been completed and had not updated for over 2 years and yet it was SO close to the end and we were left with a cliffy! Extremely disappointed :/ would not have started reading if I had known the story had just been abandoned like this and at an angsty time. There was like 1 chapter left she was writing it for over a year I cannot understand why it was left like this I really regret starting it.
| staiashas chapter 39 . 1/8/2013
I love this story. Did you ever finish it & place on a different platform?
| amartello chapter 39 . 10/22/2012
looking for more
| dbarr913 chapter 39 . 9/28/2012
I was looking through old fanfics I read and came across this one! I was just wondering if there were any plans for an update. Thanks!
| gothgirl1245 chapter 39 . 5/21/2012
Please write more it is rely good
| angel1215 chapter 39 . 5/4/2012
I can't believe that a story as good as this one was abandoned. What happened to Edward and Bella? Did he quit his job? Did they move to Chicago? Did they fall off the face of the earth? Apparently, they did. Please give us the ending chapter.
| Joycelw55msn.com chapter 1 . 1/23/2012
Is this story going to be updated soon? I've enjoyed reading it, but it needs an ending.
| Draenator chapter 12 . 12/16/2011
| Draenator chapter 9 . 12/16/2011
•It drags whenever you dump information. People, especially those with secrets (Bella) o those with "issues" (Edward) don't do the sharing-game unless they're in private and have become friends. Work? Not conducive to personal chats.
•Keeping Edward from knowing she's Charlie's daughter doesn't make sense; he's now her link to the department and would have the clearance to know such a thing - plus he'd need it to be prepared for protection detail.
Another plot hole: a single column in a a newspaper wouldn't bring a reporter to infamous status even if it's written in such inflammatory style… especially in the Internet age. It's too close to "normal" to suspend disbelief as you would if, say, it was set in the '40s or something.
| Draenator chapter 6 . 12/16/2011
Okay, I know this is an older work, but I have a few comments. I have no idea how you've improved or if you've written anything else, so I'll just comment on it as a whole. I'll try not to be harsh but I'm not the most tactful person
Inaccurate/unrealistic criminal behavior (bomb in a warehouse to kill off SWAT? No way, too much attention - especially if it succeeded), Charlie nearly violates police PR policies as far as giving Bella quotes goes, and Edward's issues are too spelled out and given away in a big blob.
Before you write a story like this, you should research crime in Seattle. I'm pretty sure the Triad (Chinese) or Organizatsiya (Russian) are dominant as far as organized crime goes (since they all border the Pacific) and I wouldn't be surprised if Seattle is a hub for human/drug/weapon trafficking considering it's both a port city and near the US border. It's also not realistic for Bella to have an "in" so high up in the Underworld that they would know about a major plot like taking out an entire SWAT team - she grew up rurally and the daughter of a cop - when the he'll would she meet anyone from the seedy underbelly of the city? Plus journalists aren't paid that well and information always has a price - money, leniency, etc.
Basically what you needed to work on here is subtle foreshadowing, pre-writing research (urban combat tactics and equipment, applicable laws, etc) and how to weave a character's background into the flow of a story.
On the plus side, your grammar and formatting are pretty good, although it would be nice to see more change in writing style between POVs besides cocktalk and swearing. For example, Bella could use more extensive vocabulary, (having a writing/English related major), different sentence patterns, and be more introspective to contrast an Edward that (along with sometimes thinking with his dick, as all men do) is more outwardly observant, an adapter, and cynical. Or you could just stick with one POV. A lot of times it adds to the suspense if you only shadow one character.
And… yep. I'll try and read more though.
| gatorgrl91 chapter 23 . 12/6/2011
OK-First, I have to say...I LOVE this story! How you've woven your own "unique attributes" into each of the character's personalities & added the dynamic punch of Law & Order meets "Harry Bosch" from Michael Connelly's book series! :)
Second, I have to say...I'M SCREAMING AT MY iPhone SCREEN AS I READ! MAN UP PEOPLE! :) I mean, what's up w/Edward "letting" Bella leave like that? Could he not be his "stalkerish" self & drive by her house on the way home THAT night? And can we say "text message"? Cell phone? Have her & Rosalie stay together?
Ugh! So many solutions, so little action done by these CooCoo Love birds! :)
I hate angst. But at least its tolerable IF E/B are together!
***I wish I could stake a claim in Edward, but I'll have to settle for the posters I have hanging in my closet! :)