Reviews for Angel?
NaturallyDark chapter 1 . 4/30/2013
... This is a story? Well, then... Looks like you'll need some help here...
1. When a character talks or a separate idea is introduced, the new sentence must be on the next line. In other words, use that Enter key more often.
2. 'Were' means what was - They were cold - not a location. That's 'where,' and this is a really simple concept. If you can't distinguish between 'were' and 'where,' then I am sorry but you should not be writing anything.
3. If there are two sentences that a character is saying, it is unnecessary to use the " in between. Also, " is not a period. You need to put a period in there to signify the end of the sentence.
4. Capitalize the first letter of a sentence. I cannot emphasize this enough. This is one of the most basic concepts of writing - I learned it in grade one, when I was first taught to write. Please please PLEASE change that in this story and your future stories, or you will end up looking like a retard. I don't think you are, but that's how you come across.
5. This isn't a story. This is a bunch of sentences that relate to each other. You have got to come up with something longer than this; this should not be here. Add more story - describe the car crash, perhaps. Tell us who the heck the character is, so that non-TDI fans will be able to read this and understand what's going on. You've given us almost nothing.
This is a great idea and I think you should expand on it, but otherwise, you ought to get rid of this. Please take my advice to heart and work on your writing. Thank you for reading,
Lord Sheridan chapter 1 . 2/8/2013
i think the ending is nice and would read a longer version of this persinally
CommanderWaffles chapter 1 . 4/5/2011
0_0 im sure you're used to flaming... but im trying to offer advice, TAKE THIS DOWN
defenestrationvictim chapter 1 . 11/24/2010
For the love of the readers, please do not write more of such awful crap. Seriously, it's a waste of time. I wonder if Satan really hates me this much that he wants me to die from looking at such shitty work. I've just wasted my time, no joke.
GH057SN1P3D0WN chapter 1 . 8/30/2010
I think I've just found something that makes 'My Immortal' look like 'The Lord of the Rings.'
Guest chapter 1 . 4/21/2010
Bardad101 chapter 1 . 1/16/2010
This fic is crap.

You don't want to hear that, but you should.

Let me lay out some ground rules for FF to be, if not a good writer, at least not a horrible one.

1. Make sure each chapter is at least 2k words long. That's actually pretty short, but...

2. Plan a fic out ahead of time.

3. Use proper, spelling, capitalization, and punctuation.

4. Before you publish anything, look at it, read it , and ask yourself: Do I really want to read this?

Most people get caught up on number 2. You appear to have bypassed all 4.
Cattshire chapter 1 . 11/30/2009
What the hell? What are you, 6? Ever heard of punctuation and canalization?
goodbye wonderland chapter 1 . 7/2/2009
You have a nice premise but, you're missing basic grammar within, uh, your block of text.

You could use some commas and spaces between paragraphs. It is always a new paragraph after speech. Also, you really need to work on capitalization. Details would also be useful too.

I do hope you take time to review and edit your fic. I would love to see the finished result.

Best of luck,

Lullaby :)

- - -

Out of curiosity, is Lindsay the girl within the story?
Sagagan chapter 1 . 6/24/2009
What. ?
The Ninth Layer chapter 1 . 4/7/2009
This thing is so excruciatingly bad that I'm surprised the flamers before me managed to read through it without vomiting.

Congratulations on writing a truly dreadful piece of fanfiction.
Freehugs41 chapter 1 . 2/21/2009
Wow... I'm... um... speechless... (and not exactly in a good way)
Hunter.48 chapter 1 . 2/8/2009
XD laterz heather
F l a m e x chapter 1 . 1/28/2009
I am sitting here in awe, contemplating how i managed to waste a minute of life reading this horrendous excuse for a fanfic. Perhaps i should go watch grass grow? Or maybe count grains of sand? Anything would be more stimulating and fun than the piece of crap your story put me through.

I can think of three reasons why i opened this fic.

1) Some demon who is intent on torturing, possesed me and controlled my hands and eyes and caused to me click and read this story.

2) Several moments of harmful and extreme insanity

3)I subconsciously want to become emo and need a reason to commit suicide or cut myself.

But perhaps i am being insensitive, perhaps you have a mental disablitly and can't recall or learn what an adjective is.

I think i shall go count red cars and try and make up for the seconds lost in this hell hole that you have created.

Have a great day and pleae for the love of god, do not write any more fanfics.

A.S. Anonymously chapter 1 . 10/27/2008
Well, my my.

What a lovely piece of crap.

Where am I?

Hopefully in a nightmare.
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