|Reviews for Claws's Wrath|
| Lord Magos Jadinar chapter 7 . 6/5/2009
Hey man i saw your comment on my story and our stories our similar only in the fact because Space Marines have usually similar goals/ideals. The fact is im going to have to agree with TLH on this, your story is very monotone, not very much character deveploment, so we dont really care about them. It isnt bad but it could be a whole lot better. ON your next writings try to develop your characters and their surroundings more and it would improve alot! Can't wait to see next time.
| Furios0 chapter 6 . 3/10/2009
its a shame there are no more reviews.
I hope you'll continue that story to the end. Great job, you got me hooked !
| TheLoneHunter chapter 1 . 11/19/2008
I really, really don't like reviewing works that I've taken part in editing, but here goes:
The main problems in this story stem from a combination of bias, broad-scale battles, poor character expositions, and an overall feeling of predictability. There is absolutely no reason to care about what happens to any of the Marines. No emotion is shown, no motivation other than "kill the xenos", and no real developmental progress.
As for the battles, they have the potential to be good and entertaining, but your methods of rapidly jumping from one character to another with no hint of transition kind of throws the whole idea off. Also, you should think about what people would prefer to read, a bland battle report or a gritty, detailed, life-or-death experience told from the POV of a frontline soldier?
I believe the simplest way to improve, though it may be painful, is to give the fluff a rest. You're not writing for GW, you're writing for yourself, or your readers. Again, ask yourself what makes a better story, engaging plots and well-developed characters, or a simple retelling of what would seem to be a 40k tabletop game?
That's all for now, and I've enjoyed working with you on this story.