Reviews for What Used To Be
Aearwen22 chapter 3 . 10/6/2008
You have an interesting premise - and your writing is easy to read. It is a relief to see the lack of typos and grammar errors. Your work shows promise.

AU. I'm sure you've seen that notation before. It applies here. Not that that's a bad thing, but it helps the reader going in to know that you've deliberately decided to ignore canon on at least one specific point. You may wish to note that in your summary somewhere.

Now, I realize that in this latest chapter you're trying to get into some of your OCs, but I feel the pacing of your story is getting a little too drawn out and diluted with extraneous details. A trick to effective story-telling is the KIS principle: Keep It Simple. The story is Legolas deciding to break his oath and leave for the West early after a 17 year estrangement from Elessar, and Aragorn's efforts to convince him to stay. Unless a detail directly bears on that action in one way, shape or form, it is best to stick to that. Really. Of course, disregard this if having the entire Telcontar family present when Aragorn confronts Legolas is an important plot point... :-)

Also, I think this would be a much more powerful story if you would settle down and decide exactly which POV you want your action seen through and then stick with it - at least consistently through a chapter. You can get into emotions much more completely that way. That was one of the harder lessons I've learned recently with my own stuff - and it really has made a difference.

You have me intrigued enough that I do check your updates when I see them. Please continue, and take the above as well-meaning constructive criticism from one fanfic writer to the next.

Good luck, and keep writing.

-Aeärwen
lawla chapter 3 . 10/6/2008
It's pretty good so far. I wonder why they haven't spoken for so long. Too stubborn I guess :/

Anyway, just make sure that you avoid using too modern language such as "hey."

Update soon (:
Nosterineth chapter 3 . 10/6/2008
Very interesting plot and a really confusing situation for the two friends, I like it.

But try to avoid netspeak (like "ASAP") and please, check the spelling before posting a new chapter and fic any missing spaces ;)
DeletedAccount1357559 chapter 3 . 10/6/2008
I like how in this chapter it is all talking but it is interesting and doesn't drag on for too long!
Melissa Barsana chapter 2 . 10/5/2008
i must have more
DeletedAccount1357559 chapter 1 . 10/5/2008
Cool fic, I like how in character Gimli is!
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