|Reviews for Random|
| Kount Xero chapter 1 . 4/17/2012
You have been called out on the scanner/laptop thing before, so I won't repeat what's been said in that area.
I like the constant inabilit of Ginger's narrative to get out of the room, it just deviates a bit an then circles right back to other details, small details. But if there was ever something as "weaving" a story, this'd be it.
See, there is no plot or anything, but there is progression. You are weaving together a narrative of the sisters' lives, examining their way by way of things pertaining to them. Which is a novel idea, and was executed skillfully.
One thing, though - the editing window now has a line you can put in between the lines of the story, to separate them. That might help the narrative a bit because it can get a bit difficult to keep up with you constantly jumping from one scene to the next with little warning.
| madman fred chapter 1 . 2/1/2010
You did capture Ginger's character and you made her background details interesting. I like how it goes from one detail to another. Some things did not fit. I don't think it fits that they had access to a laptop, nor that they would scan pictures. This was Canada in 20. There wasn't as much penetration of technology there. Such as, the if you notice, no one at their school used a cellphone.
However, it's not really structured as a story. To do so, you might work these ramblings up making the abortion the midpoint, and then the sex education toward the end, the suggestion of the crisis puberty is going to bring to their friendship. That would be one way.
| oOKayleeOo chapter 1 . 10/16/2008
nice work. i think you really channeled Ginger there. i liked how you didn't just give the girl the same two dimentional quality that a lot of other wirters do. keep up the good work.
| ivyoaks chapter 1 . 10/13/2008
I like the atomosphere of this one. The take of their sisterhood and friendship rings true.
All the best on your creativity.