|Reviews for BITE|
| Metropolis Kid chapter 4 . 5/27/2009
Yeah... didn't like this chapter. First off, I'm sure that Marlin, Dory and Nemo are all crying buckets at the idea that, somehow, fish are worth less than animals. Okay, that was a bit of a joke. I mean, while I do think that fish should rate as highly as animals, it didn't really bother me.
The sparkling in the sunlight, did however. I know it's Twilight canon, but really? Did you have to add it in? Couldn't they have gone for moonlit walks instead? My head started to hurt fro the number of face-palms that scene made me do. And I'm not joking here. It literally started to hurt (though not greatly).
And remember what I said about lines like, "My non-beating heart, beats only for you."? Well, non-existent hearts skipping beats is ALMOST as bad.
Okay, and now for the one thing that I actually liked in this chapter... Father Pawel was smart enough to stockpile blood for Eli. Yay, he didn't get eaten. I guess that whole, don't bite the hand that feeds you thing can hold true for vampires too, huh? Though, I still think he's a fool for trusting a vampire. But how's that other old sang go? "Providence could not make fools wise, so she made them lucky." LoL
Anyway, I'm sorry to report that I did not enjoy this chapter. Even discounting the nitpicks (yes, I'll freely admit they weren't very important) this chapter was kind of boring. But I'll continue onward, because I enjoyed the first three chapters. Every story has at least one 'filler' chapter, and I'm hoping that's what this was. ;)
Have a good day, and God bless.
| Metropolis Kid chapter 3 . 5/27/2009
Alright, I'll admit it. I enjoyed this chapter. And I don't mean 'snickering and laughing at the absurdity and reviling when the veil was finally lifted and the monster was reveled' kind of enjoyment either. I mean that this chapter actually managed to stir SOME emotional empathy in me, even if it did seem a tad... um, pushy. Glad to see that Elie was smart enough to get out of there before she ended up with 'blueberry filling' covering her face again. Hopefully, she's also smart enough to stay away.
Have a good day, and God bless.
| Metropolis Kid chapter 2 . 5/27/2009
Okay, I don't know if this is what you were intending, but I found this flashback terribly amusing. LoL Man, do I ever wish this had happened to Edward and Bella. :) Really, though it's Kristoph's own fault. People, this is why you DO NOT attempt to romance a vampire! Humans are vampire FOOD! THEY EAT US! I-I really don't know how this could be made any clearer.
Actually you want to know what was going through my head for most of this chapter? Probably not, but I'm going to tell you anyway. The Family Guy 'flashback' where Peter had married a piece of pie! That's what a human/vampire relationship is like. And no matter how much the retarded fat man may love that piece of pie, sooner or latter it's gonna end with any empty plate and a mouth covered in blueberry filling. :P LoL
So anyway, it was an amusing chapter... though I'm not quite sure if that's what you were going for. :P
PS. Just so you know, a tragic past is another mark of a Mary Sue. But like I said, at least I'm not minding yours. Hehe.
Have a good day, and God bless.
| Metropolis Kid chapter 1 . 5/26/2009
Well, as you can see, I clicked the link. And I did enjoy Mary Sue... er, I mean Elie zinging Edward. That was amusing. :) Of course, this is a Twilight fic... So, I won't be reading any further. (As you know I'm not a fan of Twilight.)
But I'll give you points for at least having your OC act like a 'proper' vampire. (I'm sure she's forced to play by the same rulebook as the other Twilighters, so I refuse to call her a 'real' vampire. However, drinking human blood, being at least a little sadistic and hailing from Dracula's homeland elevates her to the position of a 'proper' vampire. LoL At least, based on what you show in the first chapter.) ;)
“You know, some consider it rude to play with your food before eating it...” was definitely my favorite line in this chapter.
Well, have a good day, and God bless.
| Redalwaysbored chapter 20 . 2/25/2009
great story...love the ending
| Angelsss chapter 20 . 2/16/2009
Wanted to give ya a shoutout over here as well so folks can know what an awesome story I think this is and they need to read it ASAP.
God bless the ramones, great whites and freaking vampire bunnies! Wanna know what the hell I am talking about peoples! Then take some time and read this awesome story! You may even wanna miss dinner...
| cor aut mors chapter 20 . 11/14/2008
You've blown me away with this ending. It was simple, emotional, extremely well-written and had me crying one moment yet laughing the next.
I especially loved the link back to chapter 7. That to me just absolutely sealed the deal with this story - I am convinced it is the best thing I've ever read. When Beta is upset in both the last chapter and chapter 7 she has someone to hold her up - Jasper and then Gregorio.
It made me go back and read chapter 7 all over again because the links were so strong. "I hate that I need him to hold me up." is what she thinks when she needs Jasper... But "I love that I need him to hold me up." is what she thinks when she needs Gregorio.
I'm pretty much rambling now but I cannot get over how good this story was :]
| LaurenxPotter chapter 20 . 11/14/2008
Oh man! Best fanfiction that I've EVER read! Seriously. I love this story so much! Viktor was even in my dream some what last night ahaha. I told my friends about the dream and they were like 'Okay...' and then I woke up and I was just like 'Alice Cullen!' in my head hahaha. But you HAVE to do a sequel to this because how else will I get to see Elie torture the poor Cullen's to no end? Haha. Again I LOVE this story! Definitely one for the books :]
| Samji chapter 20 . 11/14/2008
OH i loved it so much. You sure know how to give closure. The scar amused me greatly ;)
I can't help but thinking of that scene in Monty Python with the evil rabbit thingie. Hehe.
I loved it really, you sure know how to tell a story. :)
| Master of the Boot chapter 20 . 11/14/2008
Ah this is too good. One of the things I find rare is a good portrayal of a cynic. Usually they're just cynics, but your Elie is a person who happens to be a cynic. That is part of what I greatly enjoy about her. SHE'S A PERSON!
The death of Father Pawel is truly heart wrenching. It's like Elie lost her father. It truly sucks for Elie that she wasn't there for him and this reader felt it. To summarize: I felt what Elie felt, but I didn't cry though.
Friggin vampire Bunny hopping around Europe and raising hell. It's cool how Elie thinks of it in a way as a "child". A physical connection between her and Greg. Imagine them showing up at the Cullen house with freaking Bunnicula on a leash.
So your a Catholic lunch lady, you could compete with Stephanie Meyer any day. And Funnily enough I went to a Catholic school, but I'm Orthodox Christian, not Catholic.
In my story, I plan to elaborate a little bit on the exact circumstances of Father Pawel's death. So pepare yourself. If you do a sequel to this story, then you should throw Alucard into the mix.
By the way, who si Elie talking about when she refers to a half human pinhead, Nessie or Jacob.
Master of teh Boot
| cor aut mors chapter 6 . 11/11/2008
I'm already in love with this story, and I've only finished reading chapter 6! Which was an amazing chapter, by the way.
Everything in this story is polished to perfection and it seems like you're picking up on the history of the Volturi and the Romanians exactly where Meyer's left it.
Chapter 6 has been by far the most interesting thing I've read in a long time and I have to commend your use of repetition all throughout it. "His cries, his struggle, his last breath", repeating the main lines of Kristoph's death is pure genius and the constant use of repetitive phrases creates a sense of monotony and a struggle for Beta to overcome her fears and her past.
Basically, this is one of the best stories I have read on this site and now I'm off to read more.
| Master of the Boot chapter 19 . 11/10/2008
This chapter was great, it was better than great, it was magnificent, it was glorious it was . . . cute?
Good job building up the tension and having Elie be scared out of her pants. I half thought that she was going to get betrayed and half thought that this was going to turn out differently than I expected.
Good work on how Victor is plotting against his masters. I'm sure that we all cheer for those who bring down the Volturi.
Can't wait for the finale. Did Gregorio get that scar when Elie bit him during their love making?
MAster of teh Boot
| Samji chapter 19 . 11/10/2008
Oh, I loved it. I don't think I will ever guess, LOL. I can't wait to hear the dramatic conclusion. :D
| Master of the Boot chapter 18 . 11/7/2008
Great chapter today, it was the perfect thing to start my day. I have to say that you skillfully weave in a good many complexities.
Especially enjoyable was your exploration of Leah. I enjoy how you emphasize the differences between Leah and all the rest. She's got enough brains to want to get the hell out of her home town and get a higher education. That is something I can respect and admire. Besides, the rest of the wolves are fucking hicks.
Another thing I enjoyed greatly are the parallels that I notice between Bella and Elie. Many of the scenario's Elie faces in the field of love are similar to those faced by Bella in the past. She just reacts to those similar situations in vastly different ways.
Also, Elie seeing Bella and Edward in the cabin was a nice break from the usual Bella slamming.
And Alice's vision was a nice zinger. Don't know what's up with Greg, maybe he's not Elie's Edward. We'll see won't we.
By the way I have a question, are my chapters in the big Hellsing too short?
MAster of the Boot
| Samji chapter 18 . 11/6/2008
I really enjoyed this chapter. I think that its an interesting idea, and its good to hear a story where Leah isn't a completely ridiculous bitch.
It makes me wonder what was going on in Alice's vision with Gregorio. I really hate to think so badly of him. Perhaps he and Elie are in on some sort of secret that Viktor didn't know about. At least i hope so.
You're making me nervous now. Can't wait to read more.