|Reviews for Jikkendai|
| zahraa chapter 23 . 4/11
am waiting for the next chapter
| Claire9505 chapter 3 . 1/3/2013
is it hakuba? o.o
| SakuraKoi chapter 7 . 12/25/2012
They joined the BO!
| SakuraKoi chapter 6 . 12/25/2012
Why did they dissapired ?
| SakuraKoi chapter 5 . 12/25/2012
| SakuraKoi chapter 4 . 12/25/2012
OC for Gin
| SakuraKoi chapter 3 . 12/25/2012
| SakuraKoi chapter 2 . 12/25/2012
What happened to them?
| SakuraKoi chapter 1 . 12/25/2012
What did she tell them?
| Guest chapter 23 . 11/14/2012
please please write more...this is one of the most amazing stories i have ever come across
| kittyfinatic515 chapter 23 . 10/11/2012
Wow. This is a very interesting story plot. :o It'd be awesome if you would continue to write this story and update it soon, although I notice it's been a long time since you've updated any stories... Please come back to them whenever you can. ;p
| twilley chapter 1 . 6/7/2012
This. This is the plot I've been looking EVERYWHERE for in this fandom. Ever since I became entranced with DC/MK I've always wanted to see how exactly the Meitantei's (plus thief) would cope if somehow forced into working for the Black Organisation. I wanted to see the devious tricks the BO would have pulled and the emotional response from the Meitanteis, with their entire lives's beliefs, family and friends being threatened. Call me sadistic if you want, I'll gladly acknowledge it. What I find one of the interesting aspects of your writing is how you seem to easily move from one POV to another in each chapter, which makes it incredibly fun to read when you see all these different people moving together towards one goal, unknowingly- and the revelations you give us as subtle hints rather than a big bold sign in the first chapter I've seen in other fanfictions: THEY'RE ADOPTED. The first chapter was awesome in the fact that it did what a first chapter should have, introduced some dangerous/confusing mystery of the 3 disappearances without giving a reason why, sucking your readers in. :)
One thing I've found in your writing that you might be able to improve on: You sometimes have the tendency to type out extremely long sentences. Though it may seem that you're putting in a lot of flow/information into it, sometimes a comma, or maybe starting a new sentence would improve your flow much easier. I've found that I read fanfiction like how I speak- if you make the sentence too long, I'll run out of hypothetical breath and feel like skipping the rest of the sentence. Which lead to me rereading certain paragraphs just to get the mental image right and in focus.
But other than that I think your brain is AMAZING: PLOT LOVE. I'm so glad I've been able to find a Black Org fic with the meitanteis forced into submission and devious plotting and subterfuge. You can really see how much thought you've put into every detail, making it more realistic (e.g. 2 week coma after Shinichi's cure, codewords between Heiji and Hakuba). And it's great to find them not delving into self-depressing angst but rather actively trying to find the tiny loopholes and cracks in the BO's trap.
Woah. I totally didn't mean to write this much- but truthfully I really enjoyed your WIP (even with the long sentences, it doesn't occur that often so don't worry ;D ) and I hope to see future updates, cause I'll be waiting eagerly for them. Or hungrily. LOL. :D
P.S. i think your fanfic is underrated and under-reviewed. Just improve on your flow and writing and they'll come pouring in. ;D
| mountainelements chapter 23 . 3/18/2012
Your stories are great in how they usually have Kaito and all of the detective boys and involve intriguing plots. However, I'm a bit confused about this story.
Why was Shinichi so angry in the beginning? He was calling his parents as well as Ran so he must not have been angry at them. And if he wasn't angry at his parents, then why did he join the Brain Trust? I think that there's also a few small plot holes. For example, Shinichi is calling Agasa at the end of Chapter 22, but he waits until he gets to the house to confront him in Chapter 23.
Irregardless, I hope that you continue this and your other stories as well. Maybe if you reread them, it'll spark your muses?
| Partsu chapter 1 . 9/19/2011
I don't know how I have managed to miss this story but I sure do need god slap for not noticing...this got to be one of the best fics I don't like the idea of THREE best detectives falling into trap by Vermouth...and how they didn't notice anything weird at all...otherwise...good...better than good.
| Hattori Sei chapter 23 . 7/6/2011
Good background, good grammar, good sentence structure. Ideas are conveyed well, and I don't see any discreptancies. I can't wait to see where this goes. Update soon?