Reviews for Professor Burbage and the Potions Master
Metropolis Kid chapter 17 . 10/26/2009
“The decision came down on a day that Charity had felt upbeat for the first time since before Dumbledore’s funeral.” I think there's something wrong with this sentence, though I'm not quite sure what. It... it just doesn't sound right. Perhaps something more like, “The decision came down on was the first day, since before Dumbledore’s funeral, Charity was actually feeling upbeat.” Hm, I don't know, still doesn't sound quite right. But I think it might be (at least) a little better? Well, moving on.

I got a little chuckle out of the “robes (blue is the new black!)” and “boots (you can never be too pointy)” lines. That was a nice touch to add. Also, the whole scene in the dress shop was pretty creative – creative enough that even I (a guy) enjoyed it. ;)

Man, Charity REALLY can be clueless at times, though – thinking her father had arranged for that bubble as a special surprise? O_o Don't get me wrong. It WAS funny to read, but, ah... well, I hope that was her most... 'unintuitive' moment. Anything more than that might be pushing it a little... in my opinion at least. :P

As for the ending: Well, if that was Charity's only scene in the books, I think you did a very good job of linking up your version of the character and all that back story to the canon appearance.

I'm not really, sure what will happen next. But somehow I'm thinking either Snape will sneak her out... or HP and friends are crawling through the air ducts and are going to free her on their own way out. Course, I'm making these guesses without any foreknowledge of the HP series. So, I think I'm at a slight disadvantage here.

Well, that was certainly an exciting (and amusing at times) chapter. Really eager for the next one! :D

Have a good day, and God bless.

Metropolis Kid.

PS. Werewolves you say? You mean the Hounds of God, charged with doing battle with all the evil forces darkness – vampires, demons, witches and warlocks? Uh... yeah, I'd imagine that MR What's-His-Face would be a little... nervous about dealing with THEIR possible half-breed offspring. :P

PPS. You are such a show off with this being your first fanfiction. ;)
Metropolis Kid chapter 16 . 10/25/2009
First off, I really liked the description that began this chapter. A lot of people would've simply written that she felt like a zombie. But YOU took it so much further then that by providing the description of the zombie, “Creatures that walk around stiffly, looking somewhat human but without feeling, numb.” True, that most pretty much everyone who readers this will already now what a zombie is, but by describing it once more – by adding in that description of the description – you really make the audience understand HOW Charity's feeling – another example of you showing, not telling. Also, since the zombie description comes first, it grabs the reader's attention more, cause them to think (consciously or subconsciously), “Okay, how is this going to relate to the story?” Anyway, I just really liked how you began this chapter. :D

Also I thought you id a good job with Dumbledore's funeral. You gave just enough description so that we'd all know it was a major event with a strong impact on the magical world and then quickly moved on to things more important to THIS story. :)

The time Charity spent wallowing in misery and self pity felt very real as well. I especially liked your comment about her wishing that her mother wasn't such a great house keeper so that she might enjoy the company of some dust and cobwebs. ;)

I do think that Charity's concern over their being something evil in her was... um, misplaced. I mean, I don't so any basis for such concern. But then you would have a better understanding of the melancholy female mind than I. So, maybe it's just one of those boy/girl differences.

The letter to the editor was good, and choosing the bunny's name for the signature line was terribly cute (and I mean that in a good way). But “(although really, what harm did it do?)” seemed a little off. I mean it did A LOT of harm to those poor people who were mercilessly burned at the stake (need I remind you of what almost happened to poor River?). O_o Perhaps you should've had her simply point out that the Salem trials didn't involve real witches, and therefor were a human internal matter (which is what I think you were going for anyway). It's just the wording seems... well, off.

I did like Charity's closing part about how halfbreed weren't deluding the magic though. That was a good thing to add in, what with the star of the main series this fan fic is based off of. :) By the way, does old 'what's-his-face' have normal, human blood running through his veins in canon, or was that a liberty you took?

Finally, the closing discussion about her going back to school or taking time off was handled well. The emotions, lines and reactions all felt very believable. And you wrote it in a way that your readers can empathizes with each of the characters... to a point at least. ;)

So, very good chapter in my opinion. :)

Have a good day, and God bless.

Metropolis Kid.

PS. I'm a little confused about this 'war'. Is it a real war – like with opposing armies fighting over territory and control of taking control of cities – or more of a could war type thing – where subterfuge, manipulation and indoctrination are the main weapons and with MOST of the fighting takes place off the battle field? At first I thought it was the first type, but after this chapter I'm starting to lean more to the second.
Metropolis Kid chapter 15 . 10/24/2009
Ha, that's interesting. So Snape's a traitor who still cared enough about Charity to put her to sleep - presumably so she'd be safe from... something that happened when the attack began. Or... it's all a well executed plan of misdirection, and Snape's really a double agent (or would that be a triple agent?). Which would most likely mean that Dumbledore is probably still alive. Hm, interesting.

The birthday party was nice, what was covered anyway. Personally, I would've liked to have seen that expanded into a full scene... But I guess you wanted to get to the make out scene and the castle under siege, and I can understand that.

The make out scene wasn't too bad. Perhaps, bordering slightly on the gushy-goo, but certainly not crossing the line. AND you limited their first kiss to just one sentence! "Snape’s kiss was firm yet his lips were surprisingly soft." Wow, I didn't think you had it in you. :P

Also this was once again a scene which served a higher purpose, namely distracting Charity so Snape could brew up his magic sleeping potion. So, I think you did a good job with this.

For the attack, I was a little surprised that all the student were just hold up in a tower. Weren't they suppose to be the secret weapon to tip the scales in Dumbledore's favor? What happened? Why weren't they out there ding their bit for king and country? O_o

Despite this, the scene worked as far as what it was. Perhaps I don't understand the reason behind it, but it felt realistic enough. And I did enjoy you comment about how Charity would have no problem not giving out details... since she didn't know any. LoL In fact, it seemed that all the battle specifics given, were related by students. :)

So anyway, it was a good chapter. And I do hope Charity finds that tower eventually. She's certainly put enough time into looking for the thing. Of course, in her case the search does seem to be more about the mystery than the answer. ;)

Have a good day, and God bless.

Metropolis Kid.
Metropolis Kid chapter 14 . 10/22/2009
Ah... Okay... That was an... unusual chapter. I think it's the first time in this fic where I really felt lost. I'm afraid I had a bit of trouble following what was going on in the Quidditch game. ... But then, I never was very good at following sports - except boxing. That's one's pretty easy to follow. :P

But I think you had fun planning out the game. And I'm sure it was exciting and entertaining for the rest of your readers - those who did follow what was going on.

I did enjoy the rest of the chapter. The first scene with Snape and Charity felt a little like filler, but was still enjoyable enough. The best part of this was the a small part near the end though...

"Charity’s mind turned to an unavoidable conclusion. She realized that the root cause of her loneliness was the loss of Snape. For all his acerbity, she missed him. Sometimes there are things you just can’t explain about what draws you to someone. She was anxious for something to fill the void he had left behind. ... As she ascended its steps, she wondered how this could have happened – all she’d ever intended was a little shameless flirtation with Professor Snape, but now it appeared she’d fallen for the git."

That did a nice job of showing how Charity felt and the effect her "little shameless flirtation" had had on her. Aw, she misses him. Lets just hope things improve between the two.

The girls in the tower were fun, as always. And THAT part I COULD actually follow, so I didn't feel quite as bad about not understanding the Quidditch game. ;)

Well, still looking forward to the next chapter (no more sports, hopefully :P).

Have a good day, and God bless.

Metropolis Kid.

PS. The staircase that had simply decided to take of to only God knows where CMU. Hehe, that school must be a terribly confusing place to live. :P
Metropolis Kid chapter 13 . 10/21/2009
First off, I've got a slight bone to pick. Why does it seem like weasely characters are always either given names like “*Slug*horn” or 'Honest' something or other. I mean, yes, I'm guilt of doing it to on occasion. Even still... it is a bit annoying, don't you think?

Okay, now that that slight critique is out of the way, this was a very fun chapter AND focused more on those character interaction and developments that I like so much. :)

I really enjoyed your description of the party. From the setting, the “dim lighting that reflected the dark red and green velvet draped around the room” and the “insincerity (which) hung ... thick as any of the decorations” to the gaudy foods to the guests – rambling Trelawney, the bragging former spy... and yes, even Slughorn – every thing was well thought-out, developed and combined to make the gathering seem real – alive(!). I think you did a fantastic job of breathing life into this party! :D

Now, getting down to Snape and Charity: Once again, I think you handled the two leads very well at the party. Charity's confusion, frustration and vulnerability was very apparent (without you having to resort to actually describing it as such). In other words you did a nice job of showing rather than telling. ;)

Snape was more difficult to read, but I think that was intensional. You want to readers to seem him as Charity does and only be able to guess at what he's really thinking. Still, clues were present that he still cares for her, and Charity's musings served to present some possible theories. Oh and THIS time I got the significance of when they locked eyes for a moment. ;)

Unto what came after the party. First, I did enjoy seeing the painting of the girls and their tower again. It was a nice, little touch to throw in. And even how they got the tree was amusing enough. But I've gotta say one comment did seem... well, it just rubbed me the wrong way. “Notice there are no boys or men invited *here*.” Was that really needed? I mean you already had the girl say, “Hmph, sounds about right...” That was passable as far as I'm concerned, and I think it got your point across. Did you really need to take it that extra step?

The last part with the Swastika toting Slytherins, Charity's little lecture and subsequent eavesdropping were nice too. While I don't think the scene packed as much... ah, atmosphere as the party did, it was a welcome addition. And, though I think most of your readers never believed Snape was behind the Slytherins classroom disruptions and attempts at bunny murder, it's good that Charity now knows that too. :)

So, anyway, exceptional party scene and a very good chapter overall.

Have a good day, and God bless.

Metropolis Kid.

PS. “Did he worry that she knew too much? (That would be a first.)” LoL :)
Metropolis Kid chapter 12 . 10/20/2009
Haha. I had quite a bit of fun with the video game part (even if it was about a Playstation - the sworn enemy of all loyal Xobox owners :P). Of course THAT would be a human device to grab the little mages' attention. I do think it would've been a little bit better if you'd included some specifics though.

For example, you could've named the game (one of the Tekans maybe?) and devoted a couple of sentences to character selection, maybe had Charity pick a certain character because she liked the girl's outfit or hair cut or something. Even still, it was quite amusing to picture the little mages (those who weren't earth born) gaping in awe at the awesomeness of video games. :)

And the part where Charity was getting slightly frustrated and a little resentful because she couldn't control her character and was getting so pwned by a student was very amusing. :) Why do I get the feeling that was born out of a real life events? :P

I felt kind of bad for her with Snape though. I mean, I'm sure he's got a lot on his mind - what with the war and his spying and all - but if you can't handle those things without snapping at people, then you need to share them. 'Course he doesn't seem to be a very open person. Anyway, I felt bad for her, though I still couldn't help but grin at the little torch fumble. ;)

Also you did a good job with the intrigue here - having everyone wondering about Dumbledore's arm and what not (somehow I'm suspecting the curse theory was correct) and just generally showing that the war's hitting closer and closer to home.

So, anyway, this was another enjoyable chapter. You know... I think you've officially compensated for the emotional scaring that "fic-which-shall-not-be-named" left behind. So far, I've had quite a bit of fun with those; and considering my natural dislike of magic folk, that's quite a compliment to your writing. ;)

Have a good day, and God bless.

Metropolis Kid.

PS. It was the aliens! The, immortal, golden-eyed, arrogant, enslaving aliens are responsible for the pyramids! Hasn't charity ever watched Star Gate? :P
Metropolis Kid chapter 11 . 10/19/2009
Wow, talk about a lot happening in one chapter! Umbridge is out. Dumbledore back in charge. Voldemort has made his presence known. The magic world is at war, and... the Slytherin's maneuvered their way into getting the house cup. :P

Seriously, though a lot did happen here; and, of course, once again poor Charity was left out of the loop. LoL Good thing she thought to interrogate one of the paintings. When you mentioned the horse's hooves, I was kind of hoping that she'd be getting the low down from that bumbling knight, but hey... can't have everything I guess. :P

Well, this chapter seemed more focused on plot development than character development, which disappointed me a little. But what it did, it did very well. And I have noticed you making mention of the gifts, first with the ring, then the cat last chapter and the dragon here (and I think I remember the dragon being mentioned in one other place too). Nice touches. ;)

Okay, now I've got another question for you. Who is actually in charge of appointing the school's headmasters? Is it the ministry? A school board? The PTA? I'm just curious because I'm still not quite sure how Dumbledore got his old position back. I mean he ran off because the ministry was after him, right? And then he just shows back up and is instantly reinstated as headmaster? There MUST be more to this story - probably something covered in the books which you didn't figure you needed to state here since everyone would already know (well, everyone who'd actually read the books or seen the movies... everyone but me. :P).

Anyway, good chapter. Things seem to really be heating up in the mage's little world. :) Looking forward to finding out what happens next. ;)

Have a good day, and God bless.

Metropolis Kid.

PS. Wait... the dragon is a lucky charm... It's a freaken Luck Dragon! Oh, I can't believe it took me THAT long to catch the Easter egg. LoL
Metropolis Kid chapter 10 . 10/18/2009
Alright, so now I've gotta ask. What exactly is a Death Eater?

Anyway, this was a good chapter (not quite as enjoyable as the last, but in my opinion ever bit as necessary). I was particularly grateful for the exposition you supplied in parts. For example, I had no idea what the Order of the Phoenix was. :P

And if you hadn't described what the tattoo was for, I wouldn't have known that either. So, thanks for making it easier to follow along. :)

It's nice that Charity is trying to encourage Snape that he's changed and that no one is beyond redemption. :) And he seemed to enjoy it as well. Hey, even bad men want to feel that someone cares about them... perhaps it even means more to them than it does the 'good guys' - since it's so much rarer for the bud guys and rogues. (Not that I'm necessarily calling Snape bad - don't know enough about him or his past to make a judgment like that. But the principal holds true.) ;)

Well, good chapter - looking forward to the next. :)

Have a good day, and God bless.

Metropolis Kid.

PS. If they really want to get rid of Umbridge, why don't they just kill her? I mean it couldn't possibly be that difficult - a little poison in her tea, and arranged 'accident'. As Inara said, "We're fail creatures." ;)
Metropolis Kid chapter 9 . 10/17/2009
Yay for Sprout and Flitwick... for saving us all from what I'm sure would've been another four paragraph kiss. :P

To be serious though, I really like this chapter. I think the interactions between Snape and Charity had just the right amount of romance to keep them interesting, but believable. You... ah, wrote this BEFORE Bite, right? Huh, actually I think this story has the best romantic balance I've read in any of your fics. Strange... I guess it just must've taken time for you to recover from the mind warping effects of Miss Meyer's writing. :P

But anyway, THIS was great. Ever single scene between them felt natural and not over done. I can't comment on canon characterization, of course - having not read the books. But as far as the story itself, everything from the drinks to the fireworks to the meteor shower was perfectly (another word I don't often use) balanced! :D

And you did mention the mood ring again! ;)

Also the fireworks scene was pretty funny too. Is that canon, or did you come up with it on your own? 'Twas quite amusing. :)

I do have a question though. Why was it such a big deal if students were gathering to practice what they learned in their defense against the dark arts class? Wasn't this basically just a study group? I mean, if they're teaching the students these things, don't they want them to learn the lessons well? O_o

But anyway, great chapter! In fact, though it hasn't quite passed it, this one is tied with the swimming one for my favorite chapter (so far) in this fic. ;)

Have a good day, and God bless.

Metropolis Kid.
Metropolis Kid chapter 8 . 10/16/2009
“She didn’t even find his arrogance altogether unappealing anymore, now that it seemed to be so well founded.”

So Snape's got an... 'earned' arrogance? ;) Why, Lila, did you just add this line in... or has it always been there? :P

Okay, Snape was a little different from House in this chapter. Near the beginning where Snape was getting upset, House would've just been amused... though I could see him still suggesting that Charity take his course. Anyway, he was a little different from House here, but I still enjoyed it.

Actually, I enjoyed his and Charity's interaction's quite a bit. And with her big, pleading eyes and belief in presentation being what counted – and Snape seeming insulted by such a comment – I can see what you mean by it being an attraction of opposites kind of thing. :) Those can be a lot of fun to read – like Han and Leah... or Alucard and Seras. ;) Anyway, the scene between them was nice.

I was a little surprised there was no mention of the mood ring, though. I do hope you bring that back for something later on. After all, “One must not put a loaded rifle on the stage if no one is thinking of firing it.” :P

Also I found their conversation about humans and potions rather... engaging. After all... 'Tis the only magic school my RPG character's subscribe to. And since it's simply about one's leaning, intelligence and creativity... I really see no reason why the 'Muggle's' couldn't do as well in it as the mages. ;)

As for the rest of the chapter, the scene with the enchanted tacks was pretty funny, and there was a bit of intrigue in this chapter as well. Which was nice and interesting, though I'll wait to till I have a little bit more information on it before commenting further. :P where it leads before.

So, anyway, it was a good chapter (though the swimming one is still my favorite ;)). :)

Have a good day, and God bless.

Metropolis Kid.

PS. Thanks for that congratulatory Email! :D
Metropolis Kid chapter 7 . 10/15/2009
Yeah, can't say I'm surprised those little cheaters would have written volumes about how inferior we are. A nice sneak attack with silence poison dose an absolutely marvelous job of shutting them up though. LoL

Oh well, nice that Charity was smart enough to figure a way around getting put on suspension. :)

You know, I've noticed something. For a story that's suppose to be about Charity AND Snape, old sourpuss hasn't gotten very much screen time so far. I hope we get to see a bit more of him (or, to be more specific, more of Charity and him interacting) in the future. ;)

So, anyway, not a whole lot seemed to happen in this chapter - felt more like a place holder. BUT such chapters are needed when writing a full length fic. So, I'm not going to complain... Besides, the baking scene was fun. :)

Which reminds me, you kept mentioning the elves snapping. O_o Is that how they get their work done? Do they just snap their fingers like Mary Poppins... or were you being more figurative (as in, their break over, the railroad layers quickly snapped back to work)?

Well, have a good day, and God bless.

Metropolis Kid.
Metropolis Kid chapter 6 . 10/14/2009
So... Um... Is Snape this Voldemort? I mean if they can change their appearance to look like other people? Er, I'm probably just being paranoid again. But then, "Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean people aren't really out to get ya." :P

Also, I find it kind of strange that in a whole school of wizards and witches no one has any knowledge in the art of necromancy? O_o I mean, they found the kid what - ten minutes after he'd died? And they couldn't bring him back?

I'm assuming that since it involved one of the tournaments what happened there was HP canon, but I'm just wondering if it was ever explained. I mean is necromancy a forbidden 'school' of magic in the HP world? Just curious.

Well, now, what to say about this chapter? It wasn't funny or lighthearted, but it was still enjoyable and interesting (though provoking even... or at least Question raising). And it was good of Charity to stay behind with the students when the rest of the teachers rushed forward. The poor kiddies needed someone. That gal's aptly named. :P

So anyway, YES I wanted one of the kids to die... but I WANTED it to be Krum! HMPH

Well, have a good night, and God bless.

Metropolis Kid.
Metropolis Kid chapter 5 . 10/13/2009
Well, my thanks to Professor Moody. That squid repeatedly throwing the children into the air was the funniest scene in this story so far. Oh, I could just picture that, especially with the "That section of the lake became a blur of orange, purple and tropical green, punctuated by terrified screams and violent splashes." sentence. (That was a VERY nice, descriptive sentence.) :) You know, I'll bet the kids would've enjoyed it too - if they hadn't been so terrified. :P LoL

Okay, so that may have been the FUNNIEST part, but the return trip to the lake was just as enjoyable. I really liked hearing about all the strange creatures and how much fun the little mages had exploring underwater without their magic. :)

I'm glad that you didn't spend too much time focusing on the second challenge. Though I was pleased to discover that at least it didn't have anymore dragon harassing, it did sound rather boring. But, luckily, not much time was wasted on it. :)

I also found the short scene about the ghost in the bathroom rather cute. It was short... but sweet, with her first being happy for the extra company... but then wailing and retreating up a spout when one of the kids said something derogatory about her floating. Poor ghost, but a cute, little scene none-the-less. ;)

The ending between Charity and Snape was nice too. Poor Charity, starting out all mad at him for endangering her students and then ending up thanking him for saving their lives. Why do I get the feeling he's not exactly use to being thanked?

Finally, the little mages departing comments were very natural. Different things from the field trip stuck out more with different students, and a few of the boys even mimicked Snape's rescue of their fellow class mates. :)

So, in closing, let me just say that this was a very fun and enjoyable chapter - probably my favorite one so far in this fic (though, with 23 chapters still to go, there's plenty of time for an even better one to come along). :D

Have a good day, and God bless.

Metropolis Kid.
Metropolis Kid chapter 4 . 10/12/2009
Nazi Germany! I wonder if the kid's studies included a pudgy little Major and two 'teenage', 'British' agents sent in to put an end to his nefarious scheme. :P

That was a pretty cute chapter, what with the washing of the dishes and everything. What do you know, the little mage's actually enjoyed it. I wonder how they'd feel if they had to do that everyday though, might not be as much fun then. :P Although, I suspect that the fact they were doing the dishes with the rest of their class, rather than all alone, probably helped to. I do find it curious that Charity never mentioned that the humans may not have had elven slaves, but they did build mechanical machines to help them out with dish washing. O_o Well, maybe that would've muddied the lesson – that humans had to do things themselves. But still, if the goal is to educate the kiddies in human lifestyle, I think the washing machines should've at leas got an honorable mention. :P Even still, cute chapter. :)

I'm afraid I've run into another snag though. Why would it matter if the little mage's wrote reports on that Voldemort guy? I mean they must already know about him since they chose to use him in their reports (that comparison wasn't a requirement of the essay; they could've gone with someone else). But they chose him, so they had to already know of him. So the issue couldn't have been Charity teaching the kids something that was forbidden. So, WHY were the parent's all bent out of shape about it? And why demand that she destroy the essays? I'm sure it's just some HP canon thing that I don't know, like Hagrid's orders not to use magic last chapter. But, well, I think I'd understand this better if you could tell me what the big deal was.

And finally, 'twas funny to picture Snape holding the bunny, much to their mutual displeasure. :) LoL The mage should count himself lucky that he came out of the encounter without permanent disfiguring – like the last love interest who met up with a bunny in one of your fics. :P

Have a good day, and God bless.

Metropolis Kid.
Metropolis Kid chapter 3 . 10/11/2009
Well, I'm sorry to say you were right. I didn't like this chapter as much as the last two. However, that's not to say that I didn't like it; quite the contrary, I enjoyed it – just not as much as the last two. The thing was I had a harder time following this one. Why isn't Hagrid allowed to use magic? (Did I miss something in one of the previous chapters?) Who are the Weird Sisters? (Students? Teachers? Ghosts? Paid performers?) What's Quidditch (though I gather it's some sort of sport)? What is exploding snap? (sounds like a game that might involve shaking up carbonated drinks. O_o Oh, is it a drinking game?)

Still, despite not knowing a lot of what was going on, I did enjoy the chapter (and I'm sure your other readers won't have the same problem). My two favorite parts were the tree decorating at the beginning (because, well, that just brought a smile to my face) and the conversation with Snape at the end. Actually, the Potion Master's lines and attitude – though certainly NOT his demeanor - reminded me a little of Doctor House. :) BTW: That's a good thing. And I liked the little banter between Charity and 'Mr. Grinch'. :P

The rest wasn't bad either. The conversations and interactions of the various characters were all pretty enjoyable. I just didn't understand some of the things going on.

Have a good day, and God bless.

Metropolis Kid.

PS. “She looked rather like a shiny, new snowflake floating into the ball.” Oh, great, while not quite over the line here (IMO), this is giving my flashbacks to that comment in BITE – I wanted the “Snow to meet its match.” A-h-h-h-h-h-h-h! Make it stop! Make the flashbacks stop! :P LoL
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