|Reviews for Project: Redfield|
| Mckenzie chapter 1 . 6/1/2014
Is this a Wesker/Claire! I love that pairing
| RisingGundam2006 chapter 3 . 1/25/2010
Very good story, hope to see more, and what's Wesker planning to do with Claire?
| The Ragin Pagan chapter 3 . 7/30/2009
I honestly enjoyed this! It would be interesting to see what undead horrors are in the woods. Bears perhaps?
| KK1987 chapter 3 . 6/22/2009
Very good chapter
| Amelia Bianca Black chapter 2 . 3/7/2009
Nice job! You're a good storyteller; you managed to intrigue me although my knowledge of the fandom is practically non-existent. I'm really interested in this strange relationship that seems to exist between Claire and Wesker.
Okay, now some nitpicks...
"...it would do her no good, as the only exit to her room...”, “Numerous scientists scurried about to get it back online, as Wesker leaned back.” - I don't think these commas are necessary.
"Rubbing her eyes, she returned to her bed, the metal frame squeaking violently as she lay down." - I'd divide this sentence into two - "... to her bed. The metal frame squeaked violently as she lay down." The original sounds a bit clumsy to me.
"'Who am I?' She wondered." should be "'Who am I?' she wondered." That's the rule – “she wondered” is a speech tag. You’d use capital letter for an action tag, e.g. “‘Who am I?’ She frowned.” I know this isn’t much of an explanation, but – if this wasn’t a typo – just google “punctuating direct speech” or something similar.
“Claire had come to remember...” – I’d rather use “she” here, there’s no need to repeat her name so often – she’s the only one there.
“…such as a motorcycle, and an accident, but her identity slipped from her grasp each time.” – I’d omit the first comma. When you have a really complex sentence, less important commas can be done away with. That way, the sentence won’t be cluttered with punctuation signs.
“Swallowing hard, she stood up, trying to reach to reach it…” – You accidentally repeated a phrase. Just thought you’d like to know.
“Looking around, the only object was her pallet, bolted firmly to the walls.” – Who’s looking around? Sentences like that are sloppy. “Looking around, she noticed that the only object was…” or something similar is much clearer. This one is a bit confusing too: “Standing on its flimsy mattress, she grabbed the clock, finding that it too, held fast.”
“Clenching her fist, she gave in to the urge, slamming it hard as its hard plastic frame…” – What’s “it”? I know it’s the clock, but the sentence is a bit unclear – I actually had to go a few sentences back to check what she was slamming.
“…one highlighted in red indicating sharp increases in motor and comprehension skills.” – I think there should be a comma between “red” and “indicating.”
“Clenching his jaw, he felt like punching something.” – This is kind of okay, but I’d rewrite it as: “He clenched his jaw, feeling like punching something.” To me, it sounds better that way.
“The continued to flicker, its electrical wiring nearly severed by the rage Claire had thrown.” – I think a word’s missing between “the” and “continued.”
“Screaming, she was answered by the clicking of the door as it opened smoothly.” – I think the subject of “screaming” is missing here. Is it “She was screaming, and she was answered by…” or something else? “Screaming” as a participial sentence doesn’t work here.
“of the shattered light” – I guess it’s “glass,” not “light.”
“That is a start,” he said, releasing her. “You’re coming with me,” he said, fixing his sunglasses that had become crooked in the encounter. “Now.” – Too many instances of “he said,” IMHO. It could be something like: “‘That is a start,’ he said, releasing her. ‘You’re coming with me.’ He fixed his sunglasses that…”
“Wesker had managed to disable it as they passed through it…” – There’s no need to use the Past Perfect here – “managed” would be just fine.
“Sorry sir,” the man said, joining the pilot in the cockpit. – “Sorry, Sir,” the man said, joining the pilot in the cockpit.
That’s about it. I really hate nitpicking because my stories are full of small mistakes, but I was under the impression that you wanted me to nitpick. :)
Once more, I think you really are a good storyteller. This was an interesting read. :)
| Snow Cover chapter 1 . 2/16/2009
“At the beginning of the 21st century, the Umbrella Corporation had become the largest commercial entity in the United States. Nine out of every ten homes contain its products. Its political and financial influence is felt everywhere.”
I admire the concrete detail you used to describe the power of the Umbrella Corporation. Details like these add to the military-like essence that Resident Evil often delivers. (But then again, I haven’t played the Resident Evil games since I was eight. However, I still remember the zombies and how the games made me feel like a soldier.)
“In public, it is the world's leading supplier of computer technology, medical products, and healthcare. Its massive profits are generated by military technology, genetic experimentation and viral weaponry. It was because of Umbrella that the world was thrown into chaos.”
I like how you portrayed the irony behind the Umbrella Corporation’s public display of generosity and its private corruption. I think this adds to the dramatically despondent mood of the story.
“He flexed the muscles in his arm, clenching his teeth, and grabbed the back the chair, pulling it towards him.”
Excellent! If you were aiming for the visual image of a man insensate with rage, you’ve definitely accomplished your goal. However, just edit “grabbed the back the chair” to “grabbed the back [of] the chair.”
“It gotten to the point where his fiery, cat-like eyes startled him whenever he looked into a mirror, but he had since grown use to it.”
Edit this sentence: “It gotten” should be changed to “It had gotten.” Again, your visual imagery with the “fiery, cat-like eyes” is golden. I think your description of his eyes reinforce the idea that Wesker was transformed into a violent, animalistic human.
“Although most were empty, some contained sample data, which would be used when new variations of the T virus were discovered; for now, they would sit and lay dormant until became of more use.”
I think it’s better if you don’t use a semicolon between “discovered” and “for now.” I suggest using a period to accentuate the fact that the new variations of the virus will remain untouched because they are currently useless.
“Seeing the fear in her eyes as she realized she was no longer armed, he looked down at the computer screen out front of him.”
I’m not sure if you mean “in front of him” or not.
“A door immediately opened on the other side of the room, releasing a mutated dog, which had also felt the effects of the virus. Most of the skin had deteriorated, leaving a sinewy flesh that almost revolted him. Almost.”
I love the strong, fear-connoting description of the mutated dog with deteriorated skin. The fact that Wesker was not even completely disgusted with the dog further emphasizes the idea that he has become less human.
‘“You’re assistance here is no longer required,’ he announced to the men, who hesitantly opened the door and waited outside the room.”
Please change “you’re” to “your.”
I have a suggestion on how to avoid mistakes like this. Since I’m prone to make similar errors, I often use the “find and replace” system or the “ctrlF” method and check if I used they’re/their/there, you’re/your, and it’s/its correctly. It’s just a suggestion; you don’t have to use it if you don’t feel comfortable with this method. After all, everyone’s unique.
“He figured that her mind had been purged so that she could be controlled, which fit perfectly into the scheme forming in his head; He could use Claire to his advantage.”
I think “which fit perfectly” is too awkward and should be changed to “which perfectly fitted.” But I’m not too sure about this suggestion.
“Chuckling slightly he left the room and nodded to the men waiting outside to take care of her.”
You forgot the comma after “Chuckling slightly.”
Overall, I like this chapter because your visual imagery successfully conveyed fear and disgust. However, I would like the chapter even more if you edited the typos/missing words in some of your sentences.
| Dertt chapter 3 . 1/12/2009
Is this a re-upload? Anyway, good chapter. Did you know you have THIRTY-TWO reviews for your three chapters? I have four chapters and six reviews.
I think this fic deserves feedback, though. The story is very interesting.
...could you review the two chapters I've uploaded since your last review? I'm desperate lol
| yamiishot chapter 3 . 1/6/2009
I generally review, or at least I thought I did x_X
| DaysOfRevenge chapter 3 . 1/6/2009
I love this fanfiction, you MUST continue please D
| cloudyautumn chapter 1 . 12/25/2008
Yeah I know they don't, but that's what makes them so good in fanfiction. He's so... powerful and just bad _
lol I like MC, I just enjoy MA a lot.. I think it's because I like Arkan's character. He's so perfect T.T and completely immoral and everything. It makes him sound cool xD
I should check them out. MC in the canon wa e. No way to deny that xD I just need to get over my Resident Evil phase right now... especially WxC ( I like LxC too but everyone wants to pair him with Ada or Ashley .
| cloudyautumn chapter 2 . 12/25/2008
I figured it'd be easy to up the amount of reviews this way instead of writing a bunch of PMs. In this story, are you planning to actually start a romance between Wesker and Claire or is it just an I-need-you, you-need-me basis?
Of course I'm a Pellinor fan! D Couldn't put it down once I started. Did you get it in the UK? It's not out in NA until March 09 I think? I heard that MC get together! It's uber cute _ honestly, I'm an AM shipper but MC was just inevitable.
| cloudyautumn chapter 3 . 12/25/2008
Alright, I'll review as long as you update ) But I do hate waiting. I think I really really like Wesker's character.
So you're a Pellinor fan! :O shocked me very much. Are you excited for The Singing?
| Dertt chapter 2 . 12/23/2008
Good stuff here. I like the idea of Claire hearing the little demanding voice, and the interaction between her and Wesker.
| mopower2me chapter 3 . 12/6/2008
WOW THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME a!
| ShadowWolfBeast chapter 3 . 12/5/2008
Me like this chapter _. Good job on this chapter, Continue to make Wesker more Evil XDXDXD.