|Reviews for Little Girl Lost|
| Kaydreams chapter 4 . 2/10/2010
I really like this one as well! It has a nice balance of scare and action!
| Rye-bread chapter 4 . 6/15/2009
There’s an old expression regarding reviews: brickbats and bouquets.
First a brickbat.
Old Paul was not well-defined enough at the Adversary in disguise. He looked sort of harmless until the last chpt, when he was revealed as Paisley’s Mentor, or Font, or Patron.
Now the Bouquets.
Just like any ending of a story of this genre. Evil comes within a whisker’s width of victory-and the tables are completely turned.
In the tumult of my divorce last fall, after doing the requisite legal and financial hassle, I was in the crave for some escapist fare. I found this. Fit perfectly with the frosty November weather. Chilling, from the first chpt. That line that went:
“Next is the deep wood, which man has no sway over. Here predator and prey dance to the eternal pattern of survival. The balance of the living and the dead in the great cosmic circle of life, played out in the endless cycle of time.”
It set the mood. Like a movie by M. Night Shyamalan, Or The Blair Witch Project
Yet oddly sentimental . Recalling. old childhood memories of trick and treating, or It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown
Yet again chock full of the classic supernatural evil vs. good conflict-and mythical archetype.
And I love that line: “Hear me now, most evil of men!” Ron intoned in a sepulchral voice…
A guilty pleasure. Should’ve been packing my stuff for moving out
And reminders, in the series of epilogues, that,
first, sometimes evil takes refuge in something as innocent as children’s playthings (sort of the evil version of the Innocent-it just looks innocent)
Second, until the Final Judgement, no victory over evil is permanent. As both Tolkien and Lewis remind us, it builds itself back up, for another generation to deal with.
And third, the great Unseen conflict. As it says in both the book of Revelation, the archangel Michael and his angels battle against the Dragon and his angels. We are surrounded by danger-but also protection.
I’m just rattling on, trying to replicate the mood of your story, and record every impression it made on me. But why bother? You told it much better.
| Rye-bread chapter 3 . 6/15/2009
I don’t want to ruin a perfect and exciting story with either teeny critiques or nerdy scholarly musings but
Eh, what the hey. Here goes-
There’s just a bit of lapsing back and forth between the past and present tense in the narrative of the story, esp. in the first couple chpts. It might be intended for narrative effect and I’m just missing it.
Now the musings
You tap into a number of old literary and cultural traditions. The old conviction-that the Departed spirits are restless as long as an offense goes unresolved-even like in Genesis. The shed blood of murdered Abel “cries out from the ground”.
The idea of the Innocent who is also a Warrior-it is also an old image. Sir Percival-or Galahad, depending on the version-was called God’s Fool, and was alone deemed worthy to gaze upon the Holy Grail.
There are numerous old accounts of warriors to face supernatural both with-and without mystic weapons. There is Thor’s Hammer, and Arthur’s Sword, Excalibur. Like Ron’s Lotus Blade. Perseus had a helmet of invisibility and a polished shield when he slew Medusa-and winged sandals, like Hermes-or rode Pegasus, the winged horse, depending on the version.
Yet other heroes-like Ulysses-and Kim-had only their natural talents and wits. And Robert Howard gives his hero Conan an utter revulsion for magic swords and such objects.
But I’m just trying to sound well-read. You’re the one who wrote the compelling story.
| Rye-bread chapter 1 . 6/6/2009
I admit to overusing my word processing thesaurus when it comes to describing ghastly horrible situations. But you wove a properly creepy atmosphere without recourse to any of those hackneyed words.-well, there was the word “haunted“-but you had already established the mood by that point.. I doubt that I would have gone back for the jacket. Goose bumpy story-and your first time, you say, writing in this style.
| soulman3 chapter 4 . 12/9/2008
I like three Epilogue at the end.
| Soth11 chapter 4 . 11/29/2008
You may have been a monh behind, but your story rocked. Nice job on the finish. Out of all the epilogues, I'd say number 3 was the best.
| Comet Moon chapter 4 . 11/28/2008
Worth the wait
| daccu65 chapter 4 . 11/28/2008
A fine ending. I hadn't counted on Rufus freeing Ron, and I guess Paisley didn't, either. Nice how you used the last epiloge to fit the story into the show's canon. I look forward to further stories.
| CajunBear73 chapter 4 . 11/28/2008
Ron saves the day, but he just is not ever going to be able to remember that... maybe for some time to come?
So this flash from Team Possible's past has been manipulating things in this way just to get Ron within his sights? Didn't do his research right if he missed that MMP additive to the young man. His loss, a way big loss.
Kim ties up a few loose ends in meeting with Mrs. McDonald and the young-un as well as the 'other' character running loose at the house. Good of Ron to persuade him to leave his GF alone and take his lackey.
Now comes some very weird finishes... that seem to also tie-up a loose end or two, but leave a couple of doors of the lives of Kim and Ron so very wide open. Gotta love the 'guardian' appearing and then reentering and keeping a 'Cassandra' event from happening with that 'gift'. Ends one problem, but leaves a warning behind mixed in with such promise for Kim.
Wonder if you are going to continue a thread or two from this tale. Supernatural and demonic forces at play here, with Kim going against the latter and Ron a part of the former and going against the latter as well.
Really enjoyed looking this over for ya and looking forward to more of same from either of us in the future.
| Michael Howard chapter 4 . 11/28/2008
Very satisfying conclusion to this story, and a clever way to foreshadow the events of "Graduation" without messing up continuity. Then, as a bonus, you left a few doors open which could lead to a sequel or two.
Nicely done, SP!
| Sentinel103 chapter 4 . 11/28/2008
Well done Phoenix, better late than undone. You did very well indeed. I really liked the story. Now if you're a real good boy, I'll send you a little something for your efforts, that should come out in the spring.
Larry (Sentinel 103)
| Sentinel103 chapter 3 . 11/23/2008
Mr Paisley Phoenix? Wow now that's different. Who woulda thunk it. So Kim is put into some sort of trance to keep her from interferring with this unholy cerimony. Ron the object of a sacrifice that would have made ther Aztecs feel proud and if they don't stop the whole thing everybody in the Tricity area dies. As Ron would say, "this would be so cool if it wasn't going to hurt us." Shows Paisley's fascination with cuddlebuddies too doesn't it.
OK where's Rufus, if not that pandaroo coming to life tosave the day.
Thanks S P, bye the way I sent the word along to Spectre last night. A thanks from him.
Larry (Sentinel 103)
| Soth11 chapter 3 . 11/22/2008
Cold and cruel dude. Leaving us hanging like that. Nice chapter by the way. It really is ashame you didn't get to finish this for holloween. I'm sure it would have placed in the top five. Anyhow can't wait for the finale.
| Michael Howard chapter 3 . 11/22/2008
Long wait for this one, or so it seemed anyway, but the quality of this chapter makes up for it. I really liked KP's "just because" moment, and Ron's vision inside the spook house was well depicted. The true identity of the hidden mastermind was a shocker, as well.
Let's make the gap between this posting and Chapter Four a short one, okay SP?
| Comet Moon chapter 3 . 11/22/2008
DUDE DUDE DUDE
GO WOLVERINES GO. GO GO GO.
But I suppose some evil must infect you to write such an evil cliffie, so your forgiven you sins.
Definately a BOOYAHH
Look forward to the next exciting chapter.
Same Kim Time.
Same Ron Channel