|Reviews for Fate Is An Elegant, Cold Hearted Whore|
| moshimellow chapter 6 . 2/2/2011
All I can say is... UPDATE SOON!
I love the therapistpatient pairings for DGM yaoi... XP
| FearlessLeader-Leonardo chapter 6 . 8/16/2010
YES! Laven smexy time xD
| The Puppeteer Master chapter 6 . 7/1/2010
I absolutely adore this fanfiction.
| this-account-'s-very-dead chapter 6 . 11/12/2009
please continue with this story. i'm really enjoying it ]
| A.E.Snooks chapter 3 . 7/14/2009
I really like this story, your a very good writer. Lavi as a therapist was absolutely brilliant. I love the Laven pair. I been reading stories of for over a year but joiined recently I would love it if you took some time just to give me a few tips. I'd be greatly honored. Gomen! :3
| KinKitsune01 chapter 6 . 6/2/2009
You might want to check over the scene where Allen and Lavi make out carefully; it needs a grammar and spelling check, and some of the words are wrong. Like, for example, "exploring every nook and cranky" o_O (that one made me laugh actually xP). Yeah anyway, try correcting the mistakes in there. Because as it is, in my opinion, it seems as if you got too into it and rushed through it carelessly. it'll look better, with good grammar. i promise.
apart from that, great chapter! yay, tyki and boylove! :)
| heaven-angel-15 chapter 6 . 6/1/2009
M, first yuo guive us Laven and now a sexy Tyki? YES!
I love you Mitz! (Nice new name by the way)
... and are those Cotton Candy Cosmos real drinks? Or did you just make that up? Either way, thats brillaint.
| stoneygeek chapter 6 . 5/27/2009
Here are some word errors:
"none of those words could describe his describe his facial expression. But to say that he didn’t enjoy would be a lie." -extra describe there.
"younger male’s underwear and rested again both of his round cheeks." I think you mean against not again.
"he was enjoy this and had no intents of stopping any time soon." intentions would be correct.
"He’d contemplated those things tomorrow but right now," contemplate not contemplated
Also it’s rather disturbing that Lavi feels the need to get Allen drunk. First is the club, so he'll loosen up and have fun, then at the party were he also gets Allen a drink (a candy flavored one as well). I'm not sure if this is intentional, but it is a MAJOR red flag.
While I can appreciate a writer wanting to give her/his readers what they want, please do not feel the need to pander to them. You are in control of the story and if you want (or do not want) the story to take a certain path, write it that way.
I am still enjoying the story after all that.
| babo123 chapter 6 . 5/27/2009
Haha Tyki got jealous ne~!
But Allen didn't care and gave him a bit of an attitude back!
And whew it was getting a little heated in there!
Update soon ne~
| Allen-Is-Mine chapter 6 . 5/27/2009
sex scene sex scene! me wants~! and enter tyki mikk~ *smirk*
| ritachi chapter 6 . 5/27/2009
Haven't sent in a review for a while, so I thought I should give you a lengthy one since you gave us a lengthy chapter. Hm, first things first, I don't mean to be super picky, but I would appreciate (and I'm sure others would too) if you proofread/edited your chapters a bit more. You make some silly mistakes like using "realized" for "released" and I had to do a double take to understand what you meant in that sentence.
However, I'm relieved that you finally decided what you wanted to write. It puts readers like me at ease. But, I do have to express some concerns about how fast you're taking this story. For Lavi to make a move so fast, especially concerning Allen's drunkenness, I don't think he's the type of person to do such a thing like that. As well, the crying part, in my opinion, I had thought that it would've been a little bit stronger if you had Allen push Lavi away as he cried and run off without explaining a thing. Because, from the set up you used in the first couple of chapters, you implied that Allen really didn't want to go to therapy and really didn't need to. More or less, he objected to Cross' beliefs that he needed to talk to someone about his "problems", so it seems a bit implausible for him to suddenly confess his weaknesses to someone he barely knows, regardless if he's his therapist.
But that's just what I think. Maybe if you took their relationship slower and expanded more on their character developments... ; Well, that's just my opinion. I think it could be a really great story if you slowed down the plot. But it still is a good and interesting story. You still have a good take on this whole therapist-patient angle, but the therapist-patient angle is also very much like a teacher-student angle, so be aware of that. People cling onto society and its stupid "laws" so Lavi and Allen should be more stubborn in consideration of their stepping over the line. Just like you wrote in the chapter, you talked (or Lavi) about gay marriage rights. Some places don't permit it, and why? Just think of it in that angle with this story.
Well... consider it, is what I want to say. You don't have to listen. It's just a simple idea of taking this story to the next level. But I'm sure whatever you write, it will be good regardless. So thank you for this chapter, and whatever you write, I will be patiently waiting for it.
I apologize if this review has offended you in any way. I only wished to give you constructive criticism.
P.S. And what are you talking about? The semi-smut was written just fine. It flowed; it made sense; and it wasn't like I needed to strain myself to understand the scene that you wanted to unfold. So have more confidence! I think if you choose to do a smut scene, I think you'll do a good one. But if you need help or just an ear on opinions, feel free to PM me etc. I wouldn't mind helping you, although I don't think I'm that great at smut either. (I have a PWP collection on my account, so take a look if you want to. I do both Allen x Lavi and Lavi x Allen so if you just need friendly advice, I don't mind giving you some. ;)
| MitarashiiDango chapter 6 . 5/26/2009
that make sme feel better...
the time before this chapter came up was like a month T_T
| Aion Laven Walker chapter 6 . 5/26/2009
Kyaa! *blushing madly*
| lordvio chapter 6 . 5/26/2009
Ah, It was a good chapter. Well done. Yay for you!
| IKillYouForKlondikeBar chapter 6 . 5/26/2009
Woot! I'm a big fan of this story! I was excited when I saw this was a new chapter! Your welcome for the whole Rero thing..My name musta been a pain to write..Anyways...WOOT! And so the plot thickens with the entrance of Tyki!