Nyaranran chapter 2 . 1/11/2009
*Shudders* The grammar on this sucks. Here's a tip, read it out loud. If it sounds funky, change it!
katdemon1895 chapter 6 . 1/6/2009
a few typos, please stop putting things in bold but other than that this is an interesting concept and a decent story, looking forward to whenever you next update
Aiiro Hoshi chapter 5 . 1/3/2009
This so far seems to be going well! I'm definitely looking forward to updates. :)

Are you discontinuing the first story?

-Aiiro Hoshi
TheGrimSqueaker chapter 3 . 12/29/2008
Hm... well, you clearly have some awesome ideas, but your prose is rather unclear and confusing, and I think that your story is getting lost in that. You'd benefit a lot from a beta reader, I think. I'd be happy to do so; just send me a PM if you're interested.
Aiiro Hoshi chapter 3 . 12/15/2008
Nah, keep as is.

Looking forward to updates - I'm really curious as to where this leads. ;) Also wondering how this will affect Neuro.

- Aiiro Hoshi
Aiiro Hoshi chapter 2 . 12/2/2008
Well from what I'm seeing already, this looks really interesting! Definitely looking forward to updates.

- Aiiro Hoshi
The-Holy-Desciple-of-Muse chapter 1 . 11/3/2008
Neato. A few grammatical errors ('has become captured' instead of 'had become captured', 'has been captured', 'has been captured' or 'was captured') and sentence structure could be improved a little (during the 'has been violated' part), but i see potential! Also try to make the next chapter a little longer, unless you're intentionally keeping it short. So yes, update soon!
Hari Koen chapter 1 . 10/14/2008
OMG, I can't wait! I've been thinking the same thing for a while now.