|Reviews for A Clean Slate|
| marriedman32908 chapter 1 . 10/24/2012
can't wait for the next chapters. i would love to be a proof reader/betta reader for you.
| maryjane5000 chapter 1 . 3/20/2012
I want to see what happens next
Knowing Genma's stupidity after telling Soun do they try to rescue Ranma
Do Nodoka, Ukyo & Ryoga find Genma at the dojo saying Ranma was kidnapped
How does Nodoka react to finding Ranma is dead & Pei Sao lives in his place
How does Pei Sao take to her new life
How is her & Shampoo's relationship going
Please continue this story
| prouddaddy10 chapter 1 . 4/1/2011
i love your fanfic,
a clean slate where ranma ends up with shampoo after seeing the mother of all amazons.
Just want to know when you are goin to finish it or work on it or put the next part up.
also if you need a proof reader, i would be honored to do it. keep up the good work.
| Ganheim chapter 1 . 3/15/2009
2) If you are the type of reader who dislikes noncanon or OOC type stories than you might want to skip this one. I tend to mold the behaviors of the characters to help them fit into the story at the time and as for canon since I’m not Rumiko Takahashi obviously this story shouldn’t be considered as anything close to canon.
[Using the loosest possible definition, every fanfic is ‘AU’ or ‘OOC’ because they’ve not been through these situations, but we can approximate as best we can and even if we want to reach an unusual goal we can take a smooth path to get there. My top favourites are all such a type of “new situation but true to the old”, like Adonefka’s “Dreams of the Earthbound”.]
you no choose either?”
the only person in the village who scared the warrior enough to make her listen to reason.
[Cologne doesn’t use fear, she uses intelligence and cunning application of power. Still leads to the same result – getting the smart answer out of people.]
Looking around and seeing all the various scary items hanging from the walls or lying displayed on slanted shelves, including various whips, clamps and things that looked a lot like the piece of male anatomy she had had yesterday morning,
[Normally I don’t use verbage like this, but I believe you’ve granted me the right to ask: wtf?]
in a body she was not use to?”
a new prune spoke to the others in Chinese
[1: they’re aged elders, the overdiminuitive stature in canon is a common joke in Chinese and Japanese media (this is more a statement than anything else). 2: Chinese is the nationality, as an ethnolinguist I feel the need to point out that they’re speaking in Mandarin (the dominant language spoken in China thanks to repression of all other dialects).]
“Sure why not?” replied Khu Lon “It’s only an outsider male.”
[She would most definitely _not_ say that…but it’s so funny I vote for ‘it stays’. Oh, and missing comma after ‘sure’]
Every lie, every con, every theft, every one of Genma’s sins were shown to all in the room.
[I know exaggerating his failures is a comic device, but at least I need to say: keep in mind he’s got his redeeming traits as well. He’s an idiot, but did the best job raising Ranma that he knew how.]
death was to kind for him
[Spelling: too, and missing closing period.]
stood a chance.” She said out loud with a long low whistle.
[A person cannot speak via whistle – unless you’re using one of approximately six languages (four of them dead) in Afrika/south-central Asia that consisted of whistling instead of voicing consonants/vowels.]
“On the other hand,” the voice piped up “Those spears look pretty sharp.
[Yes, it’s generally harder to defend yourself against pointed sticks than fresh fruit.]
against the village.” She called out
[As a direct descriptor to the dialog, a comma for transition instead of period for full stop should follow ‘village’. Also, there’s nothing explicitly stating that Cologne is speaking Mandarin or Japanese, so even paragraphs below I’m still trying to figure out of Genma is just stupid or if the Saotomes don’t understand her.]
“To honor her she shall be buried in the Tomb of Heroes so that all may remember her actions this day.”
(They put you body in nice place so that all may see you honor)
[What silly translations. Points for comedy: 1]
“Take the right fork and it will eventually take you to a small port town where you can catch a boat back to Japan.”
[Yeah…in about 3,0km. The amazon village and Jusenkyo is near the center of Asia, and the nearest port I can think of that might connect indirectly to Japan would be something on the Yangtze River, but even that would be hundreds of kilometers. Chinese siege warfare didn’t develop highly because it was extremely easy to get around, it developed because it was easy to reinforce the varied terrain.]
Shan Pu was amazed at the change as she let her eyes roam over the now boy’s naked body.
[Uh...what naked? Last you described, Ranma was still clothed, and since he retains a human body he hasn’t had a transformation yet when he lost his clothes. I also need to ask why you’re splitting Shampoo’s name (or anybody else's). Yes, it’s made of two hanzi, but so are virtually all Chinese names (a rare few have three, and some have one), once transliterated it should remain one word just as her name is (so instead of ‘Xian pu’ it should be ‘Xianpu’)]
much to the delight of Shan Pu who preferred redheads any way.
[I was going to mention on missing punctuation, but instead I’ll ask an earlier question again: wtf?]
[Interrogative-type response, missing its question mark]
“I do not know what you did to me Ranma,
being only five when her father took her away to train,
[Up to 5, some suspect younger based on the carrier Genma used]
“And he says that because Ranma is a girl
[Irreconcilable problem: Ranma is a guy. That’s just canon, it’s one of the most strongly reinforced elements even when Ranma’s in his cursed form.]
“I have judged you Ran ma and found you worthy for the choice of rebirth.”
[According to Buddhist/Hindi theology, rebirth is not a choice. You’re stuck with it no matter what you do, though in Buddhism if you’re good enough you can end the cycle of rebirth by fulfilling your duties and having the components of your soul disintegrated on your final death.]
“But Pops said she was dead.”
[Well…according to the manga he just said ‘you can’t see your mother yet’, which implies that she’s alive but inaccessible.]
“No Ran ma,” Mother spoke in her stern voice “If you choose the middle path you will be a woman,
[Problem: this implies that amazon society is one only of women. No society can be complete if it casts off large pieces of itself (look at the status of Spain after the socioreligious purges, Spain still hasn’t recovered). This also goes against the core ‘Ranma is a guy’ canon and negates every funny and high point hereto.]
| Jeikobu Mayakashi chapter 1 . 3/9/2009
interesting, good luck with the next chapter.
| gaul1 chapter 1 . 1/29/2009
interesting story so far, hope you put a reminder or an a/n at the beginning of the chapter or small recap of key points, or at least ranma is pei sao, keep up the good work, byes
| The Wandering Soul of 1014 chapter 1 . 1/7/2009
-It would be interesting to see this continued.
Happy writing, and update soon!
| Ceridwen Kalamack chapter 1 . 12/18/2008
Great beginning. I'm looking forward to seeing what you do with this. I do hope Genma doesn't get off that easily. Please make him feel pain.
| Anttolas chapter 1 . 10/19/2008
i likie it it's a bit different than usual but still good, i'll will be waiting for next chapter to come if there is one, see ya then:)
| USAVet chapter 1 . 10/16/2008
Very interesting story and premise. Original to say the least and nice job on how they were able to see into Genma's past and actions with Ranma. Very radical name change too, and I can understand the reason. Nice job.
| seym56 chapter 1 . 10/16/2008
This story was great. I love stories where Ranma becomes a girl full time. I dont think theres anough of those out there. I hope u continue this.
| Sanjiyan chapter 1 . 10/16/2008
I love this, this is a true fan fiction story.
You have taken a cannon character such as Ranma, and morphed it into something else, your own story.
You managed to kill off Ranma in a very individulistic manner, one that I've never seen before, and you did it in a superb manner, and you did it in the first chapter too.
I was expecting to see reviews saying how you should not have killed off Ranma, or that he would never have gave up so easily, but you did it, and you managed it brilliantly.
I await with baited breath, the next several chapters, hoping that you continue it, and roll out chapters of the same outstanding quality and ease of reading as you have managed with the first chapter.
You have set yourself a high level of quality to maintain it seems, I hope that you can keep it as high, if not higher with each chapter you release.
Overall, a great first chapter, and a fan fiction story I hope that you continue with.
| Lord Nightfyre chapter 1 . 10/16/2008
What a great beginning. Can't what till the next installment. Don't keep me waiting.
| beladonna1 chapter 1 . 10/15/2008
Like the story very much, it’s different then all the rehashed ideas.
Ranma has to deal with the curse & can’t just run for hot water.
Ranma without the curse just isn’t Ranma.
No instant cure or stuck as a girl.
It’s called a curse for a reason.
Ranma’s big curse was never changing gender, it was Genma!
Pop always griped ‘stop actin like a girl’ or ‘my worthless son’.
Genma raves constantly about honor, and bushido, but is a thief
A son selling conman.
In this story the Goddess told Ranma life as before will be a train wreck.
Gee the same ol abuse, or respect from people who care?
Wow that’s a tough choice!
Genma uses honor to keep Ranma a slave, who can be controlled.
Boy or girl Ranma is only seen as a meal ticket to retirement.
Never any respect.
Genma can push all the right buttons.
And what kind of mother would abandon their child to Genma’s abuse?
Canon Nodoka is a total loon!
This thief must raise Ranma to be a peeping pervert or he isn’t Manly?
Ranma is honorable in spite of Genma.
There is no cure for the curses.
Remember Pansuto Taro?
Splashing with cursed water adds to a curse.
Boy water girl water hermaphrodite.
Otherwise no one would ever leave Jusenkyo with a curse.
Please write more, to many good stories just stop...
| Rose1948 chapter 1 . 10/15/2008
I like this. ::nods:: I like stories that show different facets of Ranma. Stereotypical Ranma gets boring after a while. ::chuckles::