|Reviews for The Story of the First Damane|
| viggen chapter 4 . 2/9/2009
I finally got a chance to read stuff, I'm sorry I haven't been able to help with that other story yet.
So Ilyane is a wilder with a block involving the making of skyflowers? That could be a challenging block to overcome since it might involve blowing things up.
The section with the acrobat girls going out on the town is good, though I would try to find some way to demarcate switches of point of view between characters: it was difficult seeing Osprey one paragraph and then dropping into Ilyane in the next. Some form of divider would make all the difference.
Nice job. I hope you keep going!
| viggen chapter 3 . 1/8/2009
So she's capable of being a Dreamer also? That could get interesting. I like this continuation. You're moving things along well.
The only suggestion that I would make to you is that you add some section delineations when you switch from Ilyane to Dovrin and from Dovrin back to Ilyane. I suspect that you had such formatting originally, but that the Fanfic net system ate it when you posted it. I frequently have to go back and make certain all my formatting is there for the same reason before I post sections of story, and it sometimes isn't.
Good job! I hope you'll keep writing and not leave Dovrin in this lurch;-)
| viggen chapter 2 . 11/26/2008
I've been meaning to take a look at this chapter for a little while. I hope you will continue writing this; it would be terrible shame to leave off with so much more to say.
I feel sorry for Ilyane, getting kidnapped by her own brother. It is quite apparent that she's not the slightest bit happy with the prospect of channeling, though I'm curious to see why exactly the Aes Sedai is so interested in sending her into training. Dovrin is in quite a pickle too.
| alkin chapter 2 . 11/12/2008
I like the idea of this story, the seanchan fascinate me and I'd love to see their history explored. But you haven't done that at all. Damane came about in Seanchan, after artur hawkwing started to conquer, and though there were women channelers in seanchan who called themselves Aes Sedai, they weren't anthing like the ones in WoT. They didn't have a White Tower, or Ajahs, or Oaths, or anything like that. They were also a fairly unpleasant lot, according to modern seanchan. Also, whitecloaks? You're on the wrong side of the aryth ocean, and hundreds of years too early, for them.
This is a good idea, but you've got your history completely muddled.
| viggen chapter 1 . 10/16/2008
An explosives expert gaining use of the One Power. Hmm, could be very interesting. I'm curious how you will bend this Illuminator around to connect her with the first damane.
I'm happy you have continued to write!
| SuperiorShortness chapter 1 . 10/16/2008
I dont see how this has to do with damane mate lol. And even for the Red Aes Sedai shes a bit well evil, and way too direct for an Aes Sedai. She seems full of emotions and open. Frankly, she doesn't seem like an Aes Sedai at all, they're dont get prissy over things like fireworks. If this is about the first damane, as I recognize the soon the soon to be novice name as the first woman to create an A'dam, then you should know that in the soon to be Seanchan Empire there was no such thing as the White Tower, or Caemlyn and such.
It seems to me that your characters and attitudes are Aes Sedai and people from the Seanchan side of the ocean but the places are from Randland. Which doesnt make any sense... Good writing I spose if you want to ignore Jordan's world but its confusing to me.