|Reviews for Tuneless Melody: Moschet Manor|
| MidsummerMoonlight99 chapter 1 . 10/22/2008
Awesome fic I'm happy to announce yours is one of the few I can stand reading. your characters have good personalities and your backround details are rock solid. There are three tiny problems, First your main character Roane overexaggerates the drama queen and tends to sound whiny. Your also overdoing the whole "I'm a cross breed and everyone hates so their all rascist" this becomes overbearingly annoying fast. This makes your character look a bit (to me) like a sue and those are never good in a fanfic. Finally Cadell seems very Gary Stuish and not very leader like. he won't even take suggestions and hogs being leader, what happens if he falls? the entire team falls apart! All in all this is a very promising story. I would like to know if your going novel, oneshot story or focus on one area at a time then create a new story about a different area like you did previously. Ja
| SasukeBlade chapter 1 . 10/20/2008
This is a good start to what looks like (what I hope) will be more than just a oneshot.
You seem to have a good grasp of your characters, though keep in mind that as I didn't read the original Tuneless Melody fic yet, I'm judging this by your original description and the way they acted consistently with that through the entire chapter. I also liked the bits of humor you had throughout. I could practically hear the sarcasm dripping from Roane's voice at times. The line "But hey, nothing was a piece of cake anymore; no, now everything was that gross sugar free stuff" actually made me laugh out loud.
Some bits of advice for the next chapters: Don't bold words within the story for emphasis, just use italics. The bold is distracting and tends to draw the eye out of the line it is reading. Also try to avoid doing huge descriptions of your characters at the beginning. I've found that for the most part your story will end up giving us these details anyway as time goes on, and anything else can be mentioned at the end. A long author's note tends to be an instant back-button for a lot of people. And last but not least get a beta reader for those words spellcheck can't help with. You didn't have many errors but the few you did have would have been easily caught. For instance, Mochet is actually Moschet.
Anyway, I had a fun time reading this, which is more than I can say for a lot of fics, so I'm looking forward to your next chapters!
| authorgal282 chapter 1 . 10/18/2008
Wow. Cool chapter. I read your sister's story, too. I can't wait for the next one.
| keybladeboy chapter 1 . 10/17/2008
I read the first Tuneless Melody fic, and I was really surprised to see this.
This is looking pretty good. It seems kind of awkward though that Rin Tara is showing prejudice towards Roane, but the two Clavats are not. Maybe you could explain what Rin Tara's past was like a little bit more in another story, perhaps expand on how her beliefs were forged and even how they could be changed?
Good story so far, looking forward to the next chapter.