|Reviews for The Hero of Lightning|
| Guest chapter 1 . 1/10/2016
| dfmarcuss09 chapter 10 . 10/6/2015
This is now one of my favorites. thank you for the read!
| Syladin Shadesmar chapter 1 . 7/7/2014
I like this! Very intriguing and well-written.
| Ribke chapter 6 . 5/15/2011
... Sniff... I love ye TTuTT
| Ribke chapter 2 . 5/13/2011
Aaah, the unstringable bow dat only the hero can use and,in some cases, even split in half; what a classic!
| Wraith Five chapter 10 . 1/5/2011
how's THAT for a triforce? lol
good job with this story! (i'm not sure why i waited until now to read it, but i'm certainly glad i eventually found it and DID read it XD)
i realy liked the final battle, as well as the little snippet about what Link, Majacen, and Gor did...
(just for kicks, can we give the sorcerer an EXCESSIVELY normal name? like Bill, Bob, John, or something like that? (i like Bob better XD))
keep up the good stories!
| I Am Sparty chapter 10 . 9/8/2010
Looks like I'm going to need to read TSW if I'm to bring the plot points of this story full circle for myself.
This epilogue was a nice tie-in to Endrew and his endeavors up north. Zelda reminiscing of earlier days upon seeing Link's son was a good touch, and I think it was the most character building you had done for her since the start of the story. ;)
I wouldn't say that this story is better than TFP, and it even seemed a bit rushed at times. However, I understand that you worked hard to try and not make this an epic like TFP (and I'm guessing TSW is also such an epic), because this is merely a backstory to a plot point brought up in TFP about the Staff of Lightning and the Hero that wielded it.
Character development wasn't as strong in this fic as in some of your others. In fact, I recall Hero's Origins as having some unique moments with the characters there.
-I would say that Link in this fic is definitely a little bland, but he does redeem himself by his unusually large stature and rock-hard determination to accomplish any task.
-Zelda was even more bland, but she held her own when meeting with Endrew in the Epilogue. Also, the second assassination attempt in the Goron's village helped to expand on the extent of her knowledge of magic and its use (we get a taste of that earlier on when she's doing some training exercises with Gareth.
-Gareth was fine as a character, and I acknowledge that not much development was needed for him to be effective, as his role was small the entire time. I've mentioned the point about his arm, which is of some concern to me. Though, I'd like to say how I like what he said to Zelda near the start of the story: that he hopes Link "kills" the sorcerer. It was a strange thing for such a young person to say, but the fact that he said it so brazenly stuck out, and it gave that passage a bit of flavor.
-Dar...what can be said about him? He's your basic Chewbacca-esque character, and a Goron at that. You included all the essentials, and you even threw in the fact that he made Link's sword for him at the end. Great touch there. He was cliched, but not unexpectedly so. His characterization was heartwarming as it should have been.
-Majacen. You made him up for TFP, and all you had to do was insert him here. I liked the running gag about the tea, and it helped to portray him as a quirky individual, though I'm sure if you've lived as long as him that you would begin to act in unique ways. He was probably the best character of them all in this story, though that wasn't hard to pull off for you considering how intimate you are with his creation.
-The Sorcerer. I liked him. I don't like that we got to know so little about him, but he was a fun villain, kind of like Darth Maul from Star Wars: Episode I (and that Sith was probably the only redeeming quality in that film). His master stayed to the shadows, and he acted out his will with efficiency and deadliness. Of course, the climactic battle with him was spectacular.
Oh, on another note, if the Goron village was buried under the ash of the volcanic eruption from the Sorcerer's death, you would probably have need to include an excerpt about how Dar recovered the sword he was crafting for Link before the ash settled...just so there wouldn't be a continuity issue or plot hole, y'know? ;)
-The Enemy. I guess there's not much to say since he wasn't a main character, just as I didn't say anything about the tavern owner at the beginning or Akama the Gerudo that trained Link. But since you seem to have plans to bring him to light in future works of fiction, I thought I'd say something about him. I think that, in this story at least, there's way too much hype concerning him, and then when he's revealed he sends off strange vibes, which gave me mixed feelings concerning him. I'm not sure if he's supposed to violent, or if he's supposed to be crafty, or if he's supposed to be subtle, or if he's supposed to be angry, or wise...I know you wanted him to be menacing, but he seemed more like a child throwing a temper tantrum than anything else. Maybe he settles into his niche in TSW, but here he's anything but what you seem to have meant him to be.
Alright, that's it for the characters.
As for the narrative, it was good and flowed well. I'm guessing Seldavia lent you a lot of help on that. She's good with a story's pacing, and I've even recently cut down on extra dialogue or prose that would have hampered some of the chapters in my latest fic...in fact, they possibly did hamper those chapters when I first posted them (they have since been edited for a swifter and smoother read, at her direction). No complaints on your technique.
The plot was basic and predictable. But hey, it's Zelda, and we knew Link would win, right? The killing of the vampiric ReDead was good, and the surprise assassination, though a bit awkward with the army of ReDeads, was also a nice surprise and led well into the climax.
The story does just seem to be a rehash of many other Zelda fics, but I too am guilty of such a thing (An Old Threat in a New Era is my fic designed as a Zelda story set in modern times...heh, guess who wins in the end? XD ) This isn't a bad thing, and it's exactly what Zelda fans reading this would have expected. But a few more twists, and a plot that's a little more engaging, would have done many wonders for this story. Of course, that might have caused you to write this out as a longer story, or possibly even an epic for that to happen. But plot is always an important part of a story, and I think that's where your fic TFP and Hero's Origins really shine. I also think that's why I like them better than this one. I'm not saying this one was bad, but it just struck me as a little lackluster (though that Staff of Lightning was a definitive bright spot...yeah, pun intended).
I bet you love the long reviews. Hope you had a fun time trudging through my positive remarks and sharp critiques. Feel free to lob me a PM to answer any questions I had, or to ask me any questions of your own concerning my remarks.
To Boldly Read...well...anything,
| I Am Sparty chapter 9 . 9/8/2010
I swear it took five minutes just load up this single review window for this chapter. Afghanistan internet is the slowest thing I've ever come across.
Ahem, anyway, this was a very good way to wrap up this story. The coronation ceremony was believable, Majacen wanting to sit out the ceremony on the sideline, and I liked the reference to the mansion that Link Fenris will eventually have built in the north (as per your stories "Hero's Origins" and TFP.
I like how you threw Dar into the mix of Link and Majacen's adventures at the very end. I can't remember, but did you include Link's sword in TFP or will it make an appearance in TSW? It just felt like you were setting that weapon up for something fun in your Zelda-verse.
Again, no mention is made in regards to Gareth's permanently damaged arm. It's as if you threw it in as a fun bit of info in the first chapter, but nothing is every mentioned of it again. No details surrounding his current physical state are ever written, nor alluded to, and he is written almost as if he is perfectly healthy for more than half the story after his fateful accident.
Still, this story was well written, and I can't say much yet because there's still an Epilogue to tackle. Let me get to that right quick.
| I Am Sparty chapter 8 . 9/7/2010
Big action! Explosions! Testosterone! Yeah, this was a pretty fun climactic battle, that's for sure.
Got a few things to nitpick...
Shoot! You have Link defeat the Sorcerer, and we don't even get to really find out before then what that guy's deal was: who he was, what his name was, and his motive for working for the Enemy! Ahhhh!
I'm not sure if I read it correctly, but those ReDeads came back, appearing at the top of the Volcano there, right? So...they just stood there? Did nothing? They all died in the volcano's blast afterward? So...their appearances in the last chapter and this chapter have been to do...what? Alright, I admit that maybe the first chapter lent them a chance to bide time for their master to try and kill the royal siblings, but in this chapter? I suppose the Sorcerer just needed some fans rooting for him while fought, right?
Link was burnt and nearly killed, but there was no real worry for the reader that he wouldn't make it. I think to make that bit more effective, you should have drawn it out a bit, making us believe that perhaps this Hero of Lightning met his demise shortly after defeating the Sorcerer, then surprising us with his sudden miraculous recovery, hurrah! At any rate, I can see you kind of tried to do that, but it didn't work so well, in my opinion: I didn't feel it in the narrative.
Well done up to this point. I know you like this story a lot among your other ones, but I remember Hero's Origins as being very original and well-written compared to this and the Fourth Piece. This piece is definitely well-written, but I see lots of places that could use a tad bit of touching up still.
I'll have to read the last two chapters later. I need to sleep before another long flight later today. Take it easy, and remember my offer to you about your story TFP.
| I Am Sparty chapter 7 . 9/7/2010
This chapter started out a bit slow, the training detracting a bit from the flow of the story itself, but I understand that we must come to how Link learns to use his staff, thus the training with Majacen.
Right after that the story picks up...but all those ReDeads-I'm guessing they're the vampiric kind as before-seemed to fall so much easier than that first one. I'd say this was kind of a cop out, or else you were just trying to show how much more powerful and skilled Link has become since his first encounter with one. Still, the whole mass of them just seemed to lie down and take it from him for the most part. I guess I have mixed feelings about this.
Gareth...oh, poor Gareth. Whatever shall he do with just one arm...eh? what's that? Oh, it seems he's getting on just fine. Yeah, you haven't made mention of his useless arm since the very beginning of the story, and the fact that he's injured doesn't seem to factor into the plot at all. I mean, I guess that first wound was just a sort of gee-whiz sort of thing, or maybe to show that even though the siblings got away, they didn't do so unscathed...? I still think it would be more helpful if you would give us a heads up on Gareth's personal progress, as in, how's he's coping with just having a single arm now.
There are some good action sequences here, and the attack against Zelda and her brother in their chamber was pretty intense, edge-of-your-seat stuff. The pacing picked up a bit after the Redead scene...but so the ReDeads never made it to Death Mountain while Link did? Yeah, Majacen held them back, sure, but there were so many that it's unbelievable that some didn't make it through, and that fact isn't really showcased (unless that's something brought up in the next chapter.)
Anyway, we've got some good, and we've got some bad in this chapter. Overall, I'm still sitting here interested, so on to the next chapter I go :D
| Guest chapter 6 . 9/6/2010
You know, sometimes a long hiatus is exactly what a story needs to put it on the right track. I can tell that a lot of thought was put into this chapter, for it delved into the pact between the gods, the reason for assigning mortals the tasks that gods would have them undertake, and many other things, such as revealing more of the nature of the story's villains.
Yeah, I know I said I needed to recuperate after my flight, but I went ahead and read this next chapter anyway. I'm glad I did because it explained a lot. It even gave us that small allusion to Majacen's true role that I mentioned in my last review. At least, it was as close to an allusion as the story could get. Though it didn't quite describe his role, we know that he is an agent of the Goddesses just like Link.
The only problem I see with this story is the shallow characterizations of the two royal siblings. They don't seem very fleshed out, and it's almost dull reading about them in your narrative at times. Granted, there's not much to really give us since they are such a small part of the story anyway (the main focus being around Link, his adventure and growth, and the Sorcerer-Majacen is already a fully developed character, and it even shows in this story as you write about him here.)
At some point in this chapter it felt like Majacen was being just a little too blatant with Link concerning future events. I know that prophecies within the Zelda universe tend to come true, but knowing full well about many events yet to come might be a bit of a stretch...of course, this IS Majacen we're talking about.
The Enemy, I believe, seems decently menacing. There just seemed to be some inconsistencies with the scene between him and the Sorcerer. For instance, why would the Enemy attack the Sorcerer, demanding why he hasn't finished the job, when the Enemy already most likely knows the answer to that. I mean, if he knows where the royal siblings are being kept and the locations of Link and Majacen, then why can't he know this other information as well?
With that in mind, it would appear that the Enemy is just giving the Sorcerer a show of his power in tossing him around a bit...but that just seems kind of petty for a god that works in the shadows, as Majacen told Link in this same chapter. If this god is meant to be of a more subtle nature, this certainly wasn't proven during the meeting between himself and his servant.
That's all I got for now. Anyway, I won't be very consistent with my reading and reviewing because I'm tucked away in Afghanistan for the next month or so. I'll do what I can and I promise to delivery some good quality reviews for you to ponder over.
Also, if you want, I could probably take "The Fourth Piece" and give it a good once over at some point, edit it where needed, and write a good side commentary on it for items of consideration. I don't know how much cleaning up of it you've already done, but it's such a good Zelda fanfic that I think it deserves some more tending to than it has already received. Think about it, and I'll be glad to talk it over with you if you're interested.
| I Am Sparty chapter 5 . 9/5/2010
Oh, I totally remember you telling me about your "Zelda-verse", and it's totally alright. Honestly, I'm of the opinion that there's no reason the Triforce couldn't have been split prior to OoT. Not to mention, but "Skyward Sword" is soon to come. We already know that it takes place before OoT on the timeline, but since it's such a huge console game involving the Master Sword, who's to say there won't be parts of the game that involves the Triforce, right?
I sort of figured Majacen was written with a Gandalf-ish mentor-like character in mind. I'm glad that you more fully address his role in your latest entry into your "Zelda-verse", but I think to keep things from getting confusing for readers, perhaps some kind of allusion to this fact should be made in HoL and TFP.
Alright, yeah, I remembered reading about the Sorcerer somewhere in your works, and I automatically assumed it be TFP. HO is sort of an extension/prequel to that story though...so it's basically all TFP anyway,right? :P
Oh, let me get to the actual review of this chapter.
Loved the puzzles, and I'm glad you didn't spend too much time explaining each one in detail, instead simply giving us examples of two of them and then writing in the narrative that there were others like it.
Dar...for some reason, he reminds me of all those partner-ish characters from all those Zelda games from OoT onward: Navi, Tatl, KoRL, Medli, and so on. I recall there being such a Goron companion in Phantom Hourglass. I wonder if this is where the inspiration for this character and his role comes from? ... Nah, just a coincidence probably. :D
The tentacle monster was cliche at first...that is, until you added those scythes on the end of his limbs! Nice touch; it was a good variation on such an overused water monster, kind of like the vampiric zombie from before.
Oh...and Gandalf didn't go kick the world's ass because he was an allegory for Jesus Christ. Silly uber-Christian authors...
I just got off a long flight, so I'll need some recuperation time. I'll have to read more at a later date, but at least I won't take another two year break.
| I Am Sparty chapter 4 . 9/5/2010
Well, it's been a long time coming, but I came back and am doing the fanfiction thing again in my spare time. Also, it was necessary to catch up on all that you've been working on in the meantime. And...goodness, you've been busy.
I recalled that you were working on this particular story right before I took my extended break from this site, so it was best that I continue where I left off.
I had to re-read the first three chapters, and I was sad that I couldn't leave new reviews on them...well, I suppose I could've left anonymous ones, but I was already signed in and...yeah, you know how it is.
Chapter 1 Re-review: This was a good and shocking opening to your story. Link acting on instinct like he did to rescue the royal siblings was pretty much what you would expect the chosen hero to do, even if he didn't yet know that he was said hero. I'm not sure why Link suddenly receives the Triforce of Courage. Yeah, you explain why, but it seems a little out of place when compared to the plot elements of the games themselves. Link only obtained the Triforce of Courage when it was already split-which would lead us to believe, since this fic takes place before OoT, that the Triforce was out of the Sacred Realm and split before the events of the N64 game.
Also, the fact that Link takes a step back after being subjected to all this "chosen Hero" stuff all day long and feels the need for a reality check is a good bit of narrative. It makes sense, and it's good to see that even though he's taking his calling in strides, having a very strong sense of duty to his country and to the royal family, even he has his mental limitations.
Chapter 2 re-review: I like the quirky nature of Majacen, how he's a tea afficianado to the point where he can make the stuff appear for him right out of thin air. I don't remember much about him from the Fourth Piece, but I certainly like his placement and characterization in this story.
Chapter 3 re-review: I liked the Vampiric Redead...good descriptions and great action sequences in this chapter. But for a community of highly trained swordsmen, you'd think the Gerudo would have taken care of that monster months earlier, when it first began its feedings. But then...where would we get some exposition of Link's new training? ;)
And now, I shall go over this chapter for you.
I think it's neat that the Sorceror remains nameless, but his mysterious nature will definitely need to be explained at some point in this fic. I know that in "The Fourth Piece" the Sorcerer is described as...just that. A Sorcerer. A mysterious figure. Though, it seems Majacen knows more about this figure now than he seemed to in "The Fourth Piece", pretty much saying "I know what you are and who you serve." Either it's an inconsistency between the two fics or I missed something in "The Fourth Piece" that explains how Majacen is more knowledgable of the Sorcerer than anyone else but just remains quiet about it.
Very good action in this chapter...probably some of the best in this story yet. Link's reaction to the lightning strike was...well...he didn't seem as surprised as he should have been, and he didn't seem to question why or how lightning just happened to strike at that moment. (We know now that it was Majacen's doing.) And he didn't seem to care either, except that he saw an opportunity and he took it, wounding the Sorcerer during his weakened state. Even after that fight Link doesn't seem too impressed with the incredible act of nature, and instead just muses on how the Sorcerer seems vulnerable to lightning, thinking of how he can use this to his advantage.
Aaaand...Majacen seems VERY overpowered. Which begs the question: why doesn't he just go and own everything and save the kingdom himself? LOL. Maybe his true problem is that he's lazy 90% of the time and would rather have the Chosen Heroes do all the work for him. I guess it also doesn't help that he isn't the bearer of the Triforce.
That's about all I have for you right now. I hope the length of this review isn't off-putting or anything; yeah, you know that I always have a ton to say.
| Guifi chapter 2 . 2/13/2010
Another great chapter!
I love the Gerudo people. They're my second favourite tribe of people in the games, first being the Zoras (I love Ralis so much!).
I really like Majacen so far. He's a cool old man, but wizards are always cool. Also, I like the names you've come up with. I can next seem to come up with fitting names for the peoples of these tribes, so I'm impressed. )
Until sitcoms die...
| Guifi chapter 1 . 2/13/2010
Really liked it. Lots. ) Couldn't really find anything totally wrong with it, so that's good. I like the blending of Twilight Princess and Ocarina of Time.
One thing, though, is my opinion of the time difference. In my head, it's always been 1,0 years or so, just because the geographical differences bugged me so much. But, the time always varies from fan to fan, and there's no official statement about it that I know of, so it's fine. )
I'm excited to see how this will fold out. Especially with the mayor's wife looking like a Gerudo. )
Until the moon crashes into us...