This was a very interesting story. I would suggest you make transitions a tad more flowing and check the few spelling mistakes. Your use of the concept of the space time continuum was mind boggling.

I cannot this story

true masterpiece. 10/10 would read again

I can pinpoint the exact line where I was officially convinced this was the most awesome troll fanfiction I have ever seen in my years spent on this site:

"Stop saying colour! Your in America now! Its color!" Light replied exaspirated.

You know what, man? Thanks for writing this. That is complete sincerity here. It is stories like these that remind an aspiring critic such as myself, not to take things too seriously, lest I forget why I liked to read stories in the first place. It's stories like these that remind me how to laugh when I don't feel like it.

This makes my dick solid.

10/10

Possibly the most perfect piece of writing ever. I'm not being ironic, this story is so avant-garde, yet fun and cool, it's genuinely my favorite thing ever. You, sir, are awesome.

i can't breathe

A moon descended on the ground and started to stab people. Oh god. Ah crap. Ahahaha!

Is this story ( I'm using the word 'story' loosely) horrible on purpose?

I read the other readers reviews and everyone seems to think that this is either intentionally a troll/crack fic or is just a plain horrible story by a bad writer ( I use the word 'writer' loosely as well ) who just doesn't care.

Three guesses which side I'm on.

I couldn't make it past the first chapter. There where so many cliché's and "Really? Your going to do that?" moments that I lost interest practically immediately.

I'll be honest, though. I heard about this fanfic from another story ( one that was crack and parody on purpose ) when the writer mentioned it in the A/N, she aliked it to 'My Immortal'. Her exact words were "Like the Death Note version of 'My Immortal', but not nearly as many reveiws or fame".

I normally judge the story by its title, summery, and reviews ( in that order, normally ) then I actually read the story. If I found this by other means I would have never even considered reading it based on summery alone. But I looked up and read the first chapter because I'm bored and like to make fun of and critique other people's story's that are unintentionally horrid to make me feel better about my failures as an amateur author. I'm bully like that. It's a fault.

But even with the large amount of flames, CC's ( constructive criticism ), and critiques you still continue to write these terrible, terrible stories. With no acknowledgement for your failures and no effort to improve your writing.
So, as I have become extremely curios about what your thinking I find myself asking, "Do you put fourth any effort to make your writing the best you can make them? Do you have any drive in your stories? Any purpose? Do you care what people say about your stories? Is writing just a stupid hobby to you?"

Don't brush off bad reviews. The people that tell the wrongs of your stories usually ( in my case at least ) care about writing and want people to feel the same.

P.S.

Do you know how hard it is to write a long ranting review in a car on a trip across the country on a phone running low on batterie with the low batterie notification popping up every minute? Add in bone dead tired with a sugar induced headache and you have me on my phone in the back seat.
Don't you dare say I don't care. If I didn't care I'd be on Pinterest.

Poor, poor Leloosh. Who'll save the Britannian Empire now?

After not reading this for so long, I felt like I'm going to have a seizure.

I think my IQ has dropped while reading this.

oh dear lord

pls stop

sos