|Reviews for To Have Loved and Lost|
| OnNeverendingHiatusBye chapter 9 . 7/18/2012
I knew this would happen she started flirting with Boromir. God, having seen the movie totally ruins some of these parts. She has terrible luck.
| OnNeverendingHiatusBye chapter 8 . 7/18/2012
One more bit of criticism... does everyone fall in love with her in some way? Haldir, Boromir, Lagolas... anyone else? It's a bit much. But still, it isn't taking away much from the story. I still wish to know what happens.
| OnNeverendingHiatusBye chapter 5 . 7/18/2012
The farther I read, the more angered I become. I just want to beat that chittering brat, Miluiel, in the head with a flail. She seems so very child-like and I don't see how Legolas would go for her. He's so refined, collected, and mature. I see Miluiel as a small girl with attachment issues. Legolas would be miserable with her. She's probably the jealous type. I don't know. I think I'm just downing her because I like Drifter's character so much. I pity her. Oh, and only one bit of criticism. I noticed in the beginning, she sort of always knows what's going to happen (like when she knows for certain that Strider would take the hobbit and confront him in his room) and what's right to do (like when she had already spoke of destroying the ring to Elrond. You must remember, even Gandalf had to do research on that part of history. She could not have possibly known all about this subject yet.) But, this is your story and you have poet license to change things any way you wish. It's just, she seems too... perfect, I suppose. But, I love her character nonetheless.
| OnNeverendingHiatusBye chapter 4 . 7/18/2012
Bahhh. Dear God, I just knew that Miluiel would be with her fiance... well... ex-fiance. I am infuriated at this point. Nice foreshadowing by the way, but it was quite a bit obvious.
| aq34 chapter 3 . 7/17/2012
so sweet and tragic
| Valerie Michaelis chapter 21 . 5/2/2012
that was so beautiful
| RogueMetamorph chapter 21 . 10/30/2011
Alright, i really liked your story, and while it was sort of depressing, i enjoysed it and i'd just like to give you some advice (Actually it's just me quoting a person from that's really helped me. Liztastic. She's awesome)
"Second Rant: Haters. Oh fuck me, you guys are ridiculous! Give it a rest, us writer don't give a shit if you hate our projects and what not. We don't write for you, we write for the people that enjoy reading what we write! Us authors, literally, don't care about your personal preference. Not to sound extraordinarily mean and what not, but it's the truth. There is seriously no telling how many people message me, just to tell me that they hate my writing. And every time, I respond with, "Thank you for enlighting me about what you hate. But to be quite honest, dear, I don't give a damn. So, please don't message me again, and waste my time." It's funny when they message me saying that my grammar sucks, and all that because they'll write it out like this, "Ur grammer suks. U shuld jus stop riting." It tells you exactly how much they paid attention in class. I would rather sit through all those crappy Twilight movies, than read something like that in my inbox, and that's pretty fucking bad. And that concludes that rant :P
Seventh Rant: Alright, this is probably repetitive, but it needs to be said. Authors, generally love what they write, and they base their characters off themselves or the people around them. So, when reviewers bring up the fact that you put yourself in the story, just reply, "At least I fucking wrote something, and posted it. You've done nothing but review for no reason other than to piss me off. You succeed, asshole." Or something along those lines. Just remember that, if you're happy with your story, that's all that matters, and in the end you're your own worst critic.(On behalf of RogueMetamorph.)" THAT'S ME!
Anyway, i mean, there is some stuff that you can improve on but just remember, you are the writer, you just enjoy what you love to do and be awesome doing it.
| cutii9 chapter 21 . 8/16/2011
I started crying when this ended!
| rosesrblk chapter 21 . 4/24/2011
Very good. Great story!
| CuriousIntrigue chapter 21 . 4/14/2010
Well, I read the entire thing so I could really speak to the story as a whole. You have writing talent, or I wouldn't have bothered to keep reading. I hope you will take my comments as constructive criticism, as that is how I intend them, and not at all as a flame.
That said, your main character just didn't come across as sympathetic to me. Her life was a string a tragedy and misfortune for no good reason, or no logical reason that I could work out.
Why not have her make her way back to Legolas, or send word to him, after the fact? It seems too ridiculous with Elrond knowing everything, that he wouldn't have mentioned something before some other token Rivendell elf snatches Legolas to her bosom. That little story bit just seemed far too contrived. It might have read better just to leave the whole Legolas thing out entirely- and her slaughter of Elrond's "evil advisers". That also seemed silly. What about Elrond and his wisdom? He would know if those close to him were bent on wickedness, don't ya think? You portray him as more of a dimwit, always referring to the OC and her advice, and that is out of character for him.
If the OC's father gave her the task of watching over Aragorn (which actually made me laugh- as a male, he would likely be stronger than her and more skilled with a blade because of it: just simple biology), why would she keep her identity secret from him? I can find no logical or believable reason, other than as a dramatic story device that just didn't work, in my opinion.
Next, you have this listed as a romance, but this story really doesn't have any romance, other than the fact that you have just about every available male character fall for the OC. To actually be a romantic story, you need to spend time working on that type of interaction between two (or three) characters beyond a few paragraphs at the end. In your story, the male characters are falling "in love" with Drifter/Falathiel/Aralyn after just taking a look at her. That might be lust, but I don't see how it could qualify as anything else. They barely even talk with her before begging her to be with them.
Bluntly put, your character is a raging Mary Sue. Angst and pain alone cannot endear a character to the reader. You need to give more than a one-dimensional OC. Where are her quirks? Is she funny? Or does she perhaps, have a very tender heart? Does she do something gross, like bite her toenails? Additional detail (or any detail, quite frankly) help bring a character to life. My 10-year-old daughter read several chapters with me, and she said she thought the female OC was angry, rude, and irritatingly perfect- those were her words, not mine! I must agree though. She fights better than the men- even able to take out Ringwraiths? Plus, the excessive descriptions of her hair and clothing are entirely unnecessary, and another glaring sueism.
And lastly, I could have closed my eyes through half of the chapters in this story because they were word for word scenes and quotes from the movies. Try to think of the movies as a framework, if you must, and craft scenes of what happens before and after things already portrayed on-screen. Make up something entirely new! Aragorn could have given Aralyn some medical care after the final battle, for instance- you never have them connect as brother and sister...or anything else your imagination can come up with! :)
I hope you will not be hurt by any of this. As I stated, I am only offering suggestions for improvement because I think you could really write a lovely story with a few more weapons in your arsenal. All the best.
| LockBox22 chapter 21 . 12/15/2009
A very interesting concept. I have to admit i almost didn't finish reading it once i found out that she was Aragon's sister, but i'm glad it did.
Your story was well written and you did a good job intergrating an OC into the plot.
It was one of the best ones i have read in a long time.
| Honeybun540 chapter 1 . 11/10/2009
This was a good story and I especially liked the interactin between the innskeeper and Drifter.
| amisara chapter 1 . 5/25/2009
'Drifter' is annoyingly perfect. you really should just kill her would make the story infinitely better.
| Imi chapter 21 . 4/21/2009
great job! i think its great that. this story was this great!
| SenjuShakaku chapter 10 . 4/4/2009
*is confused* Boromir is supposed to die.