Rather nicely done, and very poignant at the end. I enjoyed this.

A great story. Very well written.

Ach, ffn mutilated my review! I'll try again:

I enjoyed the calm and measured narrative of this story. The language is very beautiful in many parts, though I felt sometimes (for example towards the end of the opening paragraph) there were too many Latin-derived words, which created too modern and technical a tone, and there were also a few expressions that seemed too casual to me (“sorted out”, “calmed down”). But on the whole, I think you have picked up and developed the style of the Silmarillion very serviceably. One could quarrel with generalizing way in which much of the plot is presented and the sketchiness of the characters, and it makes for slightly confusing and laborious reading in the middle section of the story, but again, that is the way of the Silmarillion. Unlike the original, though, you have woven in some exquisite moments of humour, which I very much appreciated.

- increasing their knowledge about Life, the Universe and Everything

LOL, good one!

- I liked Melinna’s political correctness towards the dwarves. And her proto-feminist theories… A lovely little stab at Tolkien’s lack of female characters. ;-)

-I found the passage about their visit to Gondolin particularly strong and the questions you raise in that context are very valid.

- smiling with Lúthien Tinúviel’s silver-grey eyes

Did you mean to write that? He is smiling with his /eyes/?

- I think this construction “X did Y as they did Z” is overused by many writers. Using it too often makes the prose seem repetitive. You fall into that trap a few times in this story. Here, for example, you use it three times within a short space:

There were plenty of opportunities for Erestor to show Melinna how to do more than gut rabbits /as they drifted/ /through a twilit ocean of grass. Despite the guiding light of the seven stars in the north, it took them a whole happy year to reach the River Aros.

“That looks interesting,” said Melinna, playing with a knife /as she contemplated/ the dense woods beyond the river’s northern bank. “Do you think it’s the forest we came looking for?”

“I’d almost forgotten we were looking for anything,” Erestor replied truthfully. “Can you see a ford?”

It was perhaps the luck of the young and ignorant that had seen them safely across the plains of East Beleriand and that luck clung to them like a mantle /as they wandered/ beneath the great oaks of Region.

I enjoyed the calm and measured narrative of this story. The language is very beautiful in many parts, though I felt sometimes (for example towards the end of the opening paragraph) there were too many Latin-derived words, which created too modern and technical a tone, and there were also a few expressions that seemed too casual to me (“sorted out”, “calmed down”). But on the whole, I think you have picked up and developed the style of the Silmarillion very serviceably. One could quarrel with generalizing way in which much of the plot is presented and the sketchiness of the characters, and it makes for slightly confusing and laborious reading in the middle section of the story, but again, that is the way of the Silmarillion. Unlike the original, though, you have woven in some exquisite moments of humour, which I very much appreciated.

increasing their knowledge about Life, the Universe and Everything smiling with Lúthien Tinúviel’s silver-grey eyesThere were plenty of opportunities for Erestor to show Melinna how to do more than gut rabbits /as they drifted/ /through a twilit ocean of grass. Despite the guiding light of the seven stars in the north, it took them a whole happy year to reach the River Aros.

“That looks interesting,” said Melinna, playing with a knife /as she contemplated/ the dense woods beyond the river’s northern bank. “Do you think it’s the forest we came looking for?”

“I’d almost forgotten we were looking for anything,” Erestor replied truthfully. “Can you see a ford?”

It was perhaps the luck of the young and ignorant that had seen them safely across the plains of East Beleriand and that luck clung to them like a mantle /as they wandered/ beneath the great oaks of Region.

While I might have a few minor canon quibbles about this story, the excellence of your prose far outweighs that. It's apparent to me that you are going to be one of the good LOTR writers.

As a previous reviewer said, your distant third person/narrator POV might seem a little dry to some, but it is not unlike the tone of The Silmarillion itself.

Perhaps, in future stories, you might choose to fill in the stitches of your own tapestry and tell the story of Erestor and Melinna in greater depth. Meanwhile, this is a lovely first effort. I'm looking forward to seeing what you write in the future.

Your story has an interesting concept - the history of Erestor, and your knowledge of the Silmarillion is obviously enormous. There are also some nice descriptions.

However, I found the story a little dry. You cover a vast amount of history in very few words, and the tone comes across as a little bit like a text book, interspersed with short fragments of dialogue.

I found it hard to get to know Erestor and Melinna, or feel involved in their only act as remote observers of and reporters on the events in Beleriand as recounted in the Silmarillion

Even events such as their marriage, or the Sack of Doriath do not seem to generate much in the way of emotion in either your characters, or in this reader.

I think your concept would be better fulfilled in a much longer story,covering much less history, which explored Erestor's (and Melinna's) characters in more depth, and really gave the reader a feel for what made them tick.

A plot would also be useful to generate some tension, and give your characters obstacles to overcome, during which their characters could be revealed.

Very good one-shot :) I see it's your first one! There aren't many fics about Erestor, which is a real shame, so I wanted to thank you for adding to the list such a magnificent fic that we, readers, can go through over and over again. I adore your OC, Melinna, she's very wellmannered. Creating OC's can be tricky, especially the first time. It takes some backbone to create a good one at a seemingly first attempt :) Plus, your writing style is fantastic, so detailed and yet so luring.

In hope to see more from you,

Tari

I love this: it's beautiful and poetic, and I think it adds a lot to Erestor :) ty for writing!

this is a gorgouesly written story thats lighthearted but serious at the same time. i loved it its so nice XD

It's lovely to read a story about Erestor that isn't summerised by "Erestor mopes in the library". I liked the thought put into this, and the writing was wonderful and suited the mood of the piece overall.

I really liked this characterization of Erestor, and your OC Melinna. Despite the tragedies during their history together, the sense of adventure made it upbeat rather than angsty. Well done!

Interesting background for Erestor. I quite like his wife Melinna as well. Their first interactions with Elrond were quite hilarious. Hope you keep writing.

Cheers!

Err...do you mind taking the bold print off? It's a bit hard on the eyes. I'm pretty sure it's unintentional; FF-Net sometimes messes up formatting, etc.

It's spelled "Tolkien." And "Anor."

Otherwise, an interesting read. Too few write on Erestor.

~Calenlass