|Reviews for The Ascension|
| Elciufolo chapter 19 . 3/25
Good twist with her guardian there. It makes you wonder is she really thinking to leave them like that. She been with him for years now as her guardian so I smell some kind of rescue attempt from her. Witch in retrospect be pointless if taken in to account your main character action so far. Its clear that he has some attraction to her and probably even if bad for him let them go to begin with. would make him angry also on some levels.
| Deval chapter 19 . 3/21
Seems that there will be some splitting sides in heroes group.
I like Alzor, he looks like he will be a interesting character to have around. Him been a former mentor can add some interesting twist to the story also.
For some reason that one little comment from the fairy in prison sounded cute, I don't know why but it did, at least to me. The dwarf seems to have some major problems with dungeon keepers in general with all that rage directed at them even at the price of its companion. Other character is the knight. Ironically in a way dwarf behavior of justice would more go with the him since well been knight and all, but that's makes him interesting I guess, he try to some extend to understand other view or the very least notice them. He sure steal the spotlight in this chapter at least for me.
When Melfina expressed her wish to leave it given me a feel that she is hurt by it emotionally by that request maybe in future we see if that was true. OK until next chapter. Later. :)
| Seshe chapter 19 . 3/15
Good work buddy. In a way a lot of chaotic given that many events are started but not flesh out completely with nature of short chapters. you might want to work on that one but you are on the right track. Next chapter will be on my waiting list. Let's see will the story keep me interested for more.
| ZiBeX chapter 1 . 3/7
Dude we finally see what happened with other heroes and we got another twist in this chapter!
It will be awesome to see how this mentor fits in the background story.
That dwarf is a bit of a idiot if you ask me. Sure I like the guy but his stubborness is shoulder to shoulder to blind idiocy... Can't he used brain before he accuse people ffs...
| Tokeria chapter 19 . 3/5
Nice phasing bust as always short. The good part for me starts with Fian mocking the prisoners about privacy but once figure out that one of them is someone that Melfina cares about he starts to play different song. Its nice to see that even if his that powerful his not above it to admit that his wrong. He did apology about it to Melfina. would be more logical to apology to her mentor also but ok its fair game. what made me laughed my ass of was the fact that they were annoyed or even offended that they were eavesdropped by someone. what did they expect, that none will keep a eye on them just because they are in prison.
About the new character not much was said so until more is told, I don't have much to talk about other then that Melfina's mentor looks like he could be a smarter compare to others and he is a wizard. I thought he would might have more to incline to seance some subtle hints in her answers but apparently this knight guy surprisingly is the onlyone that notice the "text between the lines" on what Melfina meant with her response. It give a hint that this guy is maybe more open for some sort of "compromise". The last part was that no Developent of old characters are not implemented in this character giving that the chapter was not fully posted. The small Fairy didn't even got any lines in entire chapter. We know that her Sister Fairies are in there also they had only one small line but we know they are there. I would be logical at least for her to try to talk to them or other heroes. I get that She might ask Fian if she and them could have some private time with out other heroes so she would not feel uncomfortable and talk in peace. But without any lines in entire chapter besides small "ow" when she drop in get butt when Fian drop them. So We will hopefully see some progress there. I notice something that others pointed out... we know of her even from chapter 16 but we still didn't learn her name. Hopefully we will get to learn that after this chapter.
For now it seem Melfina and Little Fairy(name not known) are in a tight spot with them need to choose their path right now. It would be difficult to argue with others that they might not be able to return back. At least not as free people in a seance. Probably end up in to custody with interrogation to find out more of intel and to make sure if not corrupted. I mean how else they could have make it out alive. ok Maybe some would believe in their story that Fian let them go and by them i mean that senior knight commander and that thief(Ensign), But it would not meant much if higher ups don't believe them. Also many complication if Heroes figure it out that they was the spy with them to keep a eye on them, technically leaving them behind after words.
The heroes themselves are ok for now expectantly that dwarf that keeps to his blind "light side". Proclaiming that they could have won if others were not defeated is so out on right field if consider that Fian was tossing them around and slaying them all over the place and them been mad at Fairy for just try the only single thing that might save her life and she done that by pure instinct. You really need to be blinded by pure rage of righteousness to be that dense. At the end its was that "traitors" action that keep them alive but his just to prideful to see it.
Now that issue i see some others mention that I also have. The length of the story chapter. personally I'm ok as long the story is continue but if given a option if length to be longer or shorter, Longer would be my choice. I would give more stuff in chapter and more fun experience by reading it. Preferably 4 pages per chapter at least. Right now full chapter is like what 2/3 of page...
| Allynas chapter 19 . 3/4
The funny thing in this chapter in my opinion is that none of the heroes don't question the simple puzzling logic and the fact that they are still alive. In my opinion it should have good chunk of impact on how they see things developed. The dwarf is still stubborn as always but given that his dwarf that is expected. The thing I didn't expect is certainly the mentor of Melfina and I mean it in a good way a lot of possibilities in there to things go either way. There were not much character development in this one. The fairy didn't even got to chance to say anything on the subject so I'm assuming that in next chapter we will get some action from her. It could have been in this one also if chapter was make larger but it looks like nothing will change on that subject so moving on.
The notable thing on new heroes is definitively Knight and I agree that so far it show some aspect that he might start thinking in both ways and question some things about Fian base on actions and maybe events that will unfold in the future. The elf in party, I really don't know it was only speaking to Melfina once and so far we don't know much about him/her. It might develop something maybe if put in interaction from other elf in dungeon or just leave as side character. I guess it could go either way.
Alzor as character at first glance looks that cares about Melfina, it would be logical seance to do so if consider that he was her mentor and raise her. How will he look at Melfina now that she switch sides remains to be seen. Will he try to see her point of view or will he blinded as dwarf. It also interesting to point out that if any indication what was said so far that the knight might have more chance to understand Melfina's view the most so far, that remains to be seen also.
The fian situation I think might get difficult one from this point. He "can't " let them go but it would even if Melfina and fairy say they are fine we all know they would feel uneasy and uncomfortable in current situation. He could set them free and but chances are that he would just sent them all to death once reach heroes realm(with all corruption and stuff). Possible way to limit them freedom or try to make a deal someway. I'm seriously don't think Fian is ready to somehow hurt Melfina or that little fairy. Again not really in his character with all we seen. It will be interesting to see how will he deal with them.
We also didn't seen any action taken by two dark elf sisters Azrin and Krite. We know they wanted to investigate and be on alert if it was a trap by heroes to kill fian. Hope we see some development on that front. Also what happened with other keepers and that spy that reported that all heroes were captured. If I recall he was not that trill how his Commander just written them all off so easy.
The chapter has good and its flow is on the mark but its simply TO SHORT. I will probably sound rude but stop doing it so short. If you need time then its fine I don't think many would mind to have longer chapter with more things developed and with multiple events happening but need to wait little longer.
| CenturionBlade chapter 19 . 3/4
It's a good thing how you use your characters. I especially like the dwarf. His constantly keeping to his side of belief, blinded side but still keeping. Maybe shed some light on it why his so persistent. Did something happened in his past? The new character in dungeon so far seems a bit plain so with little luck we will get to know them more in future. The Melfinas mentor look like will have some role in here.
| ZeoUnit chapter 19 . 3/4
Well this puts some interesting stuff in this chapter. We finally see what happened with rest of the heroes and seems besides the prison nothing harmfully happened to them, and it makes seance if you look at Fians personality. It was kinda funny how dwarf reacted in entire chapter. The interesting part Jones with wizard and who he is, it puts some conflicting decision on Fian it seems. Its clear he would like to get on Melfina's good side but would he risk to go all the way even if Melfina unintentionally did give him option to not need to do that.
The second interesting part is that we get introduced to new character's the knight and elf. So far we don't know much about elf or other faerie's and only got one line but now we know they are there. The knight on other hand base on little text seems that its more of the type that use his brain. The part where he comment to melfina if she can't or won't even if angry suggests that he can still think out side of the box.
His last comment to dwarf for him to basicly shut up, show as that he knows in what kind of situation they are but also see that if they play things right way might get them free. The very notion that they are not tortured and seen Melfina and little fairy free are clear pointers that something's is not as they thought about this keeper.
I would not be surprised if some of them in prison start to have argument between them. Maybe even some angry talk with prison guards where they discover some interesting fact what creatures in Fian dungeon know about him and how he treats them all. It would be interesting to see reaction of heroes to how big devotion his minions have for him and how protective they are of him.
I was kinda a bit disappointed that we didn't see much of interaction between little fairy and other fearies. So I hope we see her come back at some point in the prison to try to talk to others again since base on last sentence from Melfina it seem she will need time to sort out her feelings. Its is her mentor and well father in there after all.
Base on what happened before I'm pretty sure that the dwarf will still go and cursed and treat fairy but besides that it would give chance for rest of heroes to get more of a background story and flesh out their personality's more. Also with frightened fairy they could get more information that might get to some interesting twists, unlike Melfina fairy looks like the person that would tell the truth about how situation gone on first encounter with Fian and more likely to some of the heroes to believed her. Melfina was in a way full of pride so they might think she would not admit that she is been controlled or switch sides to save her skin, even though she didn't.
Personally would love to see interaction between little fairy(still don't know her name) and her sisters and what are their feelings about her "switching sides". Would they understand that basicly her act save them all, would they also be unreasonable.
Well I will be waiting for next chapter but please try to make them longer. Its frustrated to start reading it and get interested only to end up realising that the chapter is over...
Best wishes and good writing from ZeoUnit
| Orz chapter 18 . 2/28
Woah man! Fian will swim is sea of girls. I see some cat fight in the Fian future lucky bastard. It better that they are not that easy as this chapter suggests where is fun then.
| Letomi chapter 18 . 2/27
YEY! New update! xD
Aw little fairy is so CUTE when she try to apology to Fian. x"D
Bad bad Fian you scare poor little fairy .
Where are the rest of them O.o ?!
I'm was sure there were more of cute fairies T_T
Hope they are not dead T.T
When did Fian become anyone's territory o.o" ?!
Where do I sign up for one x"D ?!
Will cute fairy get a peace to ? :3
Melfina seems to have hots for Fian. I didnt know she was that fast to change tune that is not right somehow something up o.O
Please please dont stop the updates .
Or let as know if you are working on more of the chapter :3
| RedDawn chapter 18 . 2/26
New update is good to show as more of what happens with some adventures. Will wait patiently to see what's happened next to the rest of them. Good job.
| Allynas chapter 18 . 2/26
Good to see this story is still been updated. The previous chapter was nice and this one is good sequel for events from it. The story progress more and show as more interactions between Melfina and Fain. The new fairy is nice edition its amusing how she tryed to cut their conversation as fast as possible from fear that something could turn things bad on them. From retrospective she does have good reason to be afraid. Many of adventures are dead by his hand and I assume rest of adventures we know were alive after that cut in arena is a assume imprisoned. We didn't see them die and after they surrendered it would be out of Fian character to just kill them off. As already mention by some people I don't think Melfina would agree that willingly to stay.
Some argued that it might be a mask for Melfina to by her time and try to prolong life time of comrades but Fian never mention them been alive or dead and that also apply to other two. Hopefully it will be address in the next chapter in more detail.
Its interesting to think that Azrin is caring for Fian Deval but I think that at this point it more about position and opportunity to influence things that is main reason for it. Keep in mind that from very beginning Fian is diffrent. He shown interest to take care his minions, plus his when looked in core of things, insanely powerful. It a gold opportunity for her and her sister. The down side in her plan will probably be that Fian really care for his minions, at least by what have shown so far. Once that realization hit her I can see her starting to change. And replace raw ambition for genuine feelings and affection.
The only downfall I see in this chapter that is still short. The development is there and its interesting to read but it ends to darn fast and leave you want more of it. Its sure is frustrating at least for me. Other then that its fine. A bit more development on other things in the story also should addressed but that will take time it seems because of nature of how long that chapters are.
| Deval chapter 18 . 2/26
Chapters direction looks good maybe a bit rush in on that understanding part and Melfina for lack of better words willingness to just play a long.
The hint of attraction is ok just to forward and shown on plain sight. Its not bad that there is some just maybe make it more subtile and develop over course of story. Some in comment mention that it could be a attempt to let Fian hear what he wants to hear and by doing it try to lead him to spare rest of the group. But if more of event show otherwise its more likely that it was just small oversight from author nothing mayor.
The idea theory that you proposed Zeo about rest of goup dose have some weight in it. Hope to see what happened next in future.
The elf part was nice it really show that they might really care about their master we will just need to wait and see.
All and all its nice edition to the story still short but it was fun to read.
| Daiichi chapter 18 . 2/26
Very neat chapter. I really think is funny how little fairy is still afraid of Fian and apologise for every little thing that she think could lead to be killed. It really highlights how Fian can also look frightening.
His come Dwarf is not with them and what's with all that "Sir" thing from Melfina, didn't expect her to sound so well meek and submissive in some way. She also at least in my opinion agreed with all to fast. I could get behind idea that she thinks she dose for sake of the rest of the group but years of teachings of same thing doesn't go away that fast. Some things is not right and I will stick around to see it.
| Mandyohara chapter 18 . 2/26
Interesting development. Good to see more of the story. I almost thought that there would not be any new updates in near future.
Its cool I was wrong.