|Reviews for The Ascension|
| Deval chapter 23 . 5/22
Well its nice to see that wee few more update. Been busy so didn't got the chance to read them until now but they were fun to read all together on one go. They are good. Few nice twists we see here some of then even worried me that Fian have lost some of its treads but all ended up well at the end. The new characters are progressing very nicely and a like how things gone so far. I notice some are saying that we might got new addition in Fians dungeon because the mistress minion survived the attack of the Horny on them. Some have already given some ideas how that could work in the story and they do work if look what creature mistress is but I think we will just need to wait and see. :)
Thx for so many updates, it was nice to read them. :)
| StraightArrow chapter 23 . 5/19
Epic dungeon keeper story here. I really dig it how you made twist with the Fian guy and heroes.
Yo lord that's one hell of a quote x)
| LordGhostStriker chapter 23 . 5/17
Flan the man with a plan within plan disguised as another plan
| Mandyohara chapter 23 . 5/17
Good to see new stuff rolling out for this story. Seems that other DKs are trying to do something about Fian in the future. To much greed in them I say, if used half a brain better try to make alliance with him to secure their position then worry about your vanity and egos. There has to be at least some out there that can see that as possibility. Then again that would meant that they use their brain more then just for petty schemes,greed and really care about things and have some higher goal that they strife for.
| ZiBeX chapter 23 . 5/17
Cool move dude! Now that's how you use Horny!
I'm kinda disappointed that Melfuna and Lifa decided to leave him but it sure gives some crazy possibilities how e story could developed and how those two would be seen by their commander. Plus we could get to see how the elf sisters are doing now. No info on them for sometime. The spotlight in enemy keepers is fantastic. Finally we see them in action. Their stupd action but action anyway. Who the hell attack directly the guy that has Horny at his command I mean seriously just think about it?!
Centurion you have some crazy ideas for for what you call expansion on someone review speculation. Yeah it a little dark but it gives one hell of a funny scene show would creature of torture and pain tryed to get used to his dungeon where there is none of it or tryed to impress him to get better status in our old buddy Fians eye. Its just feels hilarious. x)
| CenturionBlade chapter 23 . 5/16
I know I said in my last review that the other characters in dungeon prison were a bit plain but you definitively took that very seriously. They have really gone some heavy development from then. I think I like that very much. As many pointed out so far knight seems to have give most of attention so far. You can see it very clearly how he started to develop from chapter 19.
The story progress so far is good, its slow because of nature of short writing updates but this last one seems to be longer by a lot so bravo there. The little twist and on first glance feel that something is out of character between chapters was the right choice to do. It made me want to see next part of story and how would things got out of character only to be surprised, in a good way.
The plan form others keepers did not gone as they expected so I will be looking forward to see their next attempt. preferably more intelligently this time. It was really a waste of perfectly good minions just tossed to meat grinder knowing that there might be Reaper waiting them there, such a waste.
The mentors conversation really highlighted how the mentor and DK have different view on same things i would appreciate it if you keep it up like this.
Tokeria i will be frank with you while I was reading yours and others reviews once i got to your part where you use phrase "spoils of war" i was taken a bit back by it until it finally click in my head that you were referring to something like Roman triumph. Nice way of thinking, sorry for misunderstanding.
On that subject i would say your idea dose sound intriguing to some suppose that she is taken in as "spoils of war", (I assume you meant the mistress minion given that you said she in the review and she was the only one that was not said that died)given mistresses nature and already seen her attitude it would not be hard to picturing Fian deciding to do some correction of it by keeping her "crawling at his feet for his beck and call" just to mess her mind a bit. Naturally given what she is, I'm fairly certain she would put some "strong front face" to display defiance but lets not deluded ourselves.
Fian is a keeper after all, more importantly his not her keeper so it would be safe to assume that from her point she would in order to keep her "miserable" life(from her view how keeper sees her)
she Can't continue to defying him much longer if taken in to account how much she wase scared for her own well being from her own keeper and in time starts to try slowly crawl and clime the ladders inside of this strange new Fians world she cant even start to understand, step by step by any means necessary to survive from her point of understanding. Its amusing proposal when you looks at it as single idea but it would make third side for power struggle in the story as all. Mistress would be more like the dark side influence with Melfina and small fairy on light side and our resident elf girls Azrin and Krite trying to push out the other two sides for "protection" of their Keeper. It would make thinks chaotic indeed but also very amusing nevertheless.
To anyone who say that it would be out of character for Fian to do that and put her that much down just to teach her a lesson and have some hilarious fun with her, I will just point out to the scene with the pit. True he can be kind and thoughtful but There is also no mistake that Fian can be cruel if he thinks that someone deserved that or even flat out kill him as he did in the pits. He constantly show that he can be mocking people for something that he thinks is not right or that they are full of themselves or even overreacting to things. The creature as Mistress from DK realm it certainly a creature that would do all that to some extend.
I think I made good amount of "expansion" on your idea Tokeria about Mistress subject for now.
I will be waiting your next release of the story.
| Exodius chapter 1 . 5/15
Nice little twist you got there. Didn't expect so many chapters this fast but they are good its just that if they were so written so close to of the posting you could have just simply post them as one big chapter. The last part shown some of the characters that were missing and some new. Are there any chance we will get to see more of them in more details?
| Tokeria chapter 23 . 5/15
Good to see new updates again and few of them in short time. The fairy's name is good, I like it.
She is so far my favorite character with her insecure personality and always seems to fear to not offend Fian in any way that borders the short hysterical comedy. For the new characters so far Knight is taking first place with Dwarf just near him behind with his stubborn ways, its admirable in some way how he tightly hold to his ways but the knight is sure one smart cookie i give him that, the guy sure stand out more then others. Well except Lifa that is.
The part were they were about to leave was at first felt out of character for Fian when I read it but as I went and read all of it it to the end it fell in to the right place how things when by so i give you credit for smart writing.
The part that caught my attention was that in all that battle where everyone of them got slaughter to peaces, only one minion seems to survive. I seriously doubt that Horny would not notice that she is still alive and ether bring her in or report that there is still one live minion left for Fian to decides what do to. if taken she would be like what... "spoils of war" in manner of speaking, a bit twisted if you think about it but it sure would be funny situation once minions keeper figures this out. Just image then their face on this new information. Would be interesting reaction how would this minion feel when she learns how things are in Finas dungeon for his minions in contrast when her own master would probably don't give two cents about her own fate.
The Fian's character got some development here and there. Its good to see that he can see both sides of possible ways to get same results. No need to sacrifice something if not needed. But i will agree with Mentors on one thing, Fian might denies the things but its sure plain as day to any open minded character that he cares about both sides and more to on the point on specific people that are around him, and we might get one more in there soon if my hunch is right.
The mentor as himself didn't got much development so far but he do get some of them. He certainly starts to see by now that Fian is not so typical Keeper and has some for mentor weird ways to get what he wants. on the subject of people that got small development it would be awesome to see A bit of Horny in some scenes in the future since from the beginning there were not many of this.
The best part in my opinion in this update was that we finally see more of the others keepers and get to see how they interact with one another. We didn't get much of it and to see their personality and how they treat their minions or themselves but we did get few glimpse of it when the attacking minion force had small argue between them. I think it gives some indication that they are a lot more different then how Fian treats his minions.
Hope there will be more of the updates in the future so i will keep a eye on this one again.
| ZiBeX chapter 22 . 5/14
HELL YEAH! The story is BACK!
And it seems I miss few update also. First of congratulate to Fairy on her name. It took some darn long time but we finally found out that secret. Second what's this part of possible outcome with them end up dead?! HELL NO! Dude don't kill them off we just get to know them don't do this to us. Will really get upset if you do... Would still read the story but seriously don't man. I want to see more of that panicking fairy freaking out for comically silly reasons. Hope other fairies are similar. Thx for the new updates but at least think about more if plan to killed them off...its just not cool dude...
| ZeoUnit chapter 22 . 5/14
Well this is a pleasant surprise seems someone was busy writing this days. :)
On side note you could just put those two chapter as one you know heh...
But its nice to see them.
The Chapter 21/22 was good with others keepers how they are planing to attack Fian base on some information they got.
They do have solid idea where to attack but it would also logically stand that the "hole in the wall" is repair and by that extend reinforced but ok, lets assume not many time has passed and they didn't get to finish it even with all the motivation they have from Fian actions towards his minions. Pretty sure they would finish it in the flash just to please him but ok.
Hmm not sure if the plan to "sacrifice" prisoners would be in to his character at this point and as for the part about that say he don't care about Lifa and Melfina that straight bold LIE. His entire character is not of deceit and lie since he himself suffered from it and at the beginning it was show clearly that he cared as hell about Melfina(not show specifically why but sure not sor some advantage) and later about Lifa in the pits and all other chapters. Fian is in denial and when even Mentor can clearly see that then Fian my friend, you have a big problem...
You might try to lie to yourself but from the reader view and the one close to you for that mater you cant. I don't think he will let them die, especially now that both of them are with the other the heroes that plan to go out. His idea has nice grounds but is it worth lives after all he done, not to mention it would be rather a little cynical of him after all that speech he gave in the pits. Fian was accusing them that they only wanted to destroy him even if him not meant them harm, isn't that a double-edged sword, if you say you don't meant them harm dose that mean you can just sacrifice them because its "convenient" for you now even if you try all this time not to? I think your character is smarter then that.
Maybe once they encounter enemy minions they rush in back or something but I simply cant see him abandoning them like that to survive who can. Its simply jumps out of his character and from what we all seen so far.
I'm more interesting in idea what will happen with when incoming minions get in contact with Fian's minions. If they get defeated they would probably be captured alive considering that Fian's minions already have some experience with how Fians do things. He did left entire Hero's group alive so this would be only natural minions reaction.
Even more interesting idea would be how explosive Fian's reaction would be if Melfina and Lifa would be captured by opposing keeper. If base on previous reactions, logically it would be swift and very destructive I guess... pounding them in to submission instantaneously then and there...
Ironically he dose have the power to do just that...
I'm kinda glad to see mistress minion in the story. Always thought that they were the most funnest minions in entire game with their seance how you need to treat them. I would be kinda funny to see how would mistress minion learn to live in the dungeon where suffering is not requirement what
other "Hobbies" should/could learn to do that are not evolving torturing others. Just a thought...
The chapters were nicely done, maybe you could have added more details in to the all events in them so make the world around them more lively. Show some side things happening in the mid of things.
We don't see much of what minions themselves do for sometime.
The departure was done good. I like how the Dwarf conviction was a bit shaken when he could not find any logically wrong with what Fian did. I thought you could have more develop more on that path with them trying to figure out more about this strange keeper that capture them, it definitively had a lot of potential to it.
Best wishes and good writings from ZeoUnit
| ZeoUnit chapter 20 . 5/14
Well chapter looks nice. I like how we get the see after some time what others sides are doing and that it seems we will see some of them in near future. Just hope that We will see other Dungeon keepers besides few that are mention. Maybe some of them that can use their brains and realize that would be kinda suicidal to attack Fian right about now. There is no doubt that the rumors or even the facts about Fian are spread among the minions. I would be logical that some of the other Dungeon keepers that we are not introduces have learn thing or two. maybe even some of the old ones.
Will be fun to see possible consequences of discarding them or even taking them seriously.
The Knight turns out to be pretty interesting character so far. I like how he thinks about situations first and get to the only logical conclusions. He also is not afraid to stand up for its on opinions and voice things out what others don't.
The Dwarf is still the same and I like that his keeping his beliefs in place. He kinda playing dangerous game of chance from the view point of his companions by gambling their lives if he angers the Dungeon keeper. Naturally we know that's not the case base on what we know but they don't.
What was interesting was the last part in the prison, where everyone seems to have a bit of grudge against Dwarf. If I should have to guess I would assume maybe that they feel that Dwarf's big mouth could put them in worse situation then the one they are right now. It would be logical to think that way considering situation. Just how far that grudge would go is the question. would they even try make small talk on their own separately from rest of the group?
Alzor seems to starting to combine some of the pieces together it will be interesting to see what would his final conclusion be with his view from "other side" of coin. would it be same as Melfina or maybe something completely different.
Will be interesting to see in the future the prisoners interaction with others creatures if they to make conversation. It was stated that they are curious why were the minions so overly protective of their dungeon keeper. The fastest way and the only way at this point would be to simply try to get the information from the minions/guards themselves.
The most positive side to the chapter was the most funny one. We got the name of Little Fairy. It was about time also and the name is pretty good, But the part after we learn it it, the panic she had about it, was dead on the mark. We get some character development for her also and learn some facts why she so jumpy besides the obvious. I think Fian and her will be ok from now on, maybe even try to ask some request from him if taken in to account what he said to her after her "panic attack".
The mentor is so funny and I see him a bit more like comic relief character then mentor since he just observers Fian and Fian keeps confusing him with his "none keeper" actions that works pretty good so far, But he doesn't know how or why they work.
All in all nice chapter. Short as usual, still hope to see longer ones but the writing is good.
Best wishes and good writings from ZeoUnit
PC: Welcome back Valtharos hope to see you write more of this story.
| Letomi chapter 20 . 5/12
COOL! new update! :D
OMG OMG ! Finally the name of the little fairy! xDXDXD
and she was all freaking out about something so simple... Its so CUTE! *.*
I like that knight more and more he sure knows how to use his brain. :D
its cool to see Alzor look concerned about Melfina. .
The end of chapter was nice change finally to see something more from outside people. Cant wait to see how will Fian take care of that little thing. xD
Hope new chapter come soon with more things in store! xD
| Facon chapter 19 . 4/21
Cool story bro. When do we get next part?
| Dextera chapter 19 . 4/5
Yeah I think I will look in to this one more. Definitively to watch out for.
| Letomi chapter 19 . 4/1
Aw Melfina is a bit of meany to her mentor. xD
Hope they get OK later on :"s
What's with that dwarf his persistence is almost cute! xD
The knight was nice surprise but we didn't see much of the fairies T.T
On that note what happened with other two sides o.o ?
Where are the other keepers and that little spy that manage to run off 0.o ?
Hope to see more of your work!
Don't stop now :3