Reviews for The Ascension
Inkkni chapter 25 . 11/26
hmm Interesting development.
The Mistress and Fian conversation was fun to read. I enjoyed how The mistress looked to be very on edge with Fian and Horny in near location. Its amusing to see how she is playing strong side while we seen in one moment that she was panicking all over the place. Cant wait to see how will Fian tame this one. The deal his offering to her looks good on the surface. personally im interested in the "fine print" and apparently so is she, smart girl i give her credit on that part. Will she have any choice on the matter is different beast all together. in all honesty it would be amusing to see how would she survived in Fian's dungeon if you consider that he is totally different beast compare to others keepers. im absolutely sure she is not ready to not have conflict with Fians way of doing things and that's what would make it funny to see if she stay's. i can see punishments drop all over the place until she wraps her mind around the idea that his different then others. but in all sincerity i can see her also as one hell of a bodyguard with elf sisters if she can get past the idea that Fian will not ask of her to just die for him easily or something in those lines. I wonder how will she solve her addiction for pain thou. Mistress main feature was that she to certain point lived to get hurt by the keeper. Wonder how will Fian deal with this problem.
Would not like to see her killed by Horny since if he gets to interrogate her she is good as dead really. So im wondering who will be her integrator. Fian might be fitting since his keeper. Question how would he get the info. there are a lot of ways to torture someone not necessarily by inflicting pain mind you so we shall see. She is deadly as she is cute mind you. ;D
The departure was done great. I like the Knight way of thinking. Very spot on and with right set of mind. Alzor is was in this chapter to much idealistic and seems to cant grasp the possibility of what the Knight is suggesting. Alzor for your sake Lifa better be safe or i will find a way to get in this story and kinck you Wiz but you hear. :)
In all seriousness im worry about Lifa hope she will be ok. It seems she had some terrible experience in the past so i hope we get to see what it was and some help her about it.
The Alliance of the keepers looks cool but fragile as hell. They seems to get some plan that for once looks like reasonably good one if attack regular keeper. Thats where the plan hits the fat tick wall for now. Hope it does not backfire to them to much. I still want to see them around or maybe we get introduce some more of the keepers also. Some mention about maybe adding some other keepers on Fian side that will try different approach on how to bring him down. Let me be frank with this, any regular tactic would just have no effect so any that would join him sincerely or to try back stab would need to embrace his way of doing things and effectively lose any minions in the process. Only once loyal Keepers would have any perks with this since they still have loyal minions but become something of a client keeper of Fian with same ideals. The rest would lose everything.
its nice to see that you started to write more of the story again. With some luck we shall see more of the story soon.
CenturionBlade chapter 25 . 11/15
Good continuation of your earlier chapter. I commend you on good introdustion of new character of this story. It didn't felt forced in anyway or out of place. The character Mistress does feel a bit out of character considering their nature in the game but it also must be taken in to consideration with who is in to room with her, not counting the Keeper other keeper that is not her master. Will that fact change remains to be seen.
The other keepers we seen was welcome sight. We got some hint what they plan at that was good.
The departure was done great consedering how it felt real with all the uncertain thoughts about how would they be seen by other. They raised some valid point, especially the points that knight made. Very well done indeed.
I will be waiting new chapters again.
Deval chapter 25 . 11/13
Well now seems the plot will thickens a lot more soon.
The edition to the characters look good. She looks like she could be a interesting to watch how she develops and change as the story progess. The interaction between her and Fian looks like could be interesting. They relationship for now don't seems will go on friendly turn, more like master - servant on very primal level at start. Maybe something would developed later in par as the Elf sisters or something in those lines. It would be a lot of trouble moment if Elf reaction on Melfina was any of edition. If you think about it would make seance that they would not treat her as equals in the start. How would she cope with that I really don't know but I think if happens it would be fun to see.
The keepers were fun to watch. I like that they are trying to form some kind of alliance witch itself if interesting. Can't wait to see will it actually work. Would different creatures cooperate or would there be problems. Also Fian is a lot more unconventional enemy so I thought they would try to find more info about him. How is his standing with other keepers. I assume there are others that didnt got to have connection directly with him. Could even have different ideas how to approach to him since they didn't have hostile intentions to him and want to take advantage of it by position themselves as neutral or something that would be use full for now. He does have Horny at his command after all.
Maybe shown what is the word about him in Terrarium.
I like that Melfina is staying with him it will give more opportunities to see interaction between Fian, Melfina, Azrin and Krite. Maybe even interaction with new cast added. It could prove very entertaining with all possible events that could come off it.
The departure was done great, its rather interesting how our resident knight constantly voices his opinions. He is in many ways a voice of reason in this group apparently. I wonder what made him to be that much of realistic and on the ground type of person. Definitively not blinded by all heroic stuff ironic as that might sound. Lira is still cute and unsure of herself as ever. Hope in time she will get some of the self confidence so she will not get so scared of Fian and other things.
Alzor is a good man but by the look of things unlike the knight who is more of a down to earth type he seems to have put to much blind fate in to the over world command that everything will go easy. I just hope for all their sake and most importantly Lira sake that his right, otherwise this blind decision might come back to haunt him.
Fian and Mentor seems to have some kind of plan to use mistress to defeated his enemy's but with the way they mention it and what it might implement it could be totally unconventional by the keeper standards. Then again Fian constantly does stuff that are unconventional and intrigue his mentor. That is why its so fun to watch him do stuff.
Hope we will see more of the story when you get time to write again. And if possible make chapters longer with different events happening in one chapter. No need to rush.
ZiBeX chapter 1 . 11/12
I got lazy need to start watching out for this again...
Heh seems that our lovely little Mistress is in the tight spot. Hope her cute but dont get squash by Horny or Fian pinky finger. She seems like a smart girl that knows when things get seriously desperate even thou it seems like she is a bit stubborn and untruthful pretty sure self preservation will kick in if right buttons are press. Dont want to see her broken but she might chewed more then she can handle by been defies to Fian.
Cool to see new info on other keepers and what they do. Didnt see any action from those guys for sometime and our heroes are moving back to surface i wonder will that be a good idea considering all what happened but im all for it that Melfina wait... MELFY ?! OU man you made my day with this one. I can see Fian teasing all over the place and cant wait to see all the reaction from the sisters when they figure this one out. So much possible competition on our way in the future from those three... or maybe now four if this mistress thinks is in her best interest to get on his good side... i mean she is mistress you dont need to be rocket scientist to figure out what she applys by getting close to him now do you.

Any change we will see new chapters in more steady phase? it would be appreciated.
Allynas chapter 25 . 11/12
Good to see you back. with Bit of luck we will get new chapters now on steady phase.

The reaction from the mistress as a prisoner was done good. I like that you shown that even thou Mistress is creature of pain if it was not done with her knowledge it can be unpleasant to her so it gives openings to show that she can be concern to be tortured by DK. It was fun to see how she was putting tough girl mask but it is still seen that she does not think she will get away out of it no matter the information's she gives. The Fian's Ultimatum didn't much help her also. I think all is base on how will she try to go, hard or easy way. We still don't know if she is loyal to her DK or does she even have a reason to be. We got hints that she does not trust DK word, witch is suggesting she had bad experience with her own DK in the past.
The mentor was done interestingly with all the comment and all that. I particularity liked his arguing with Horny since we didn't seen how his relationship is with Horny in general.

The Knight in this last chapter did really took center stage in a way. It was shown that he can think about their action could have consequences and that they might not be able to go back home or worse they could be trial as traitors. that shown that his realistic and not blinded to somethings. Im pretty sure if things "go south" he will be their ticket to get them all busted out of prison. He seems to be only one that uses his brain to think of something as a backup plan to get out of there.

I think Lifa is good little Fairy but she MUSt at least suspect that things will not go that easy and she at least must get it that she will be first in line to be call in to question by their superiors, For that matter the others should see this to but its ok. At least like I said the knight seems to realize this from what we seen so far.
Hope we will get to see more in detail how the Heroes command is working and their views on DK's and underworld in general.

The DK that want to form alliance sounds like a interesting idea. Provides they could not biker more then 5 minutes and not try to take advantage of others in like 10 minutes. It could work but as some already pointed out our dark Hero is not typical DK. It will be entertaining to see how they plan will probably implode in itself.
Good luck with next chapter see you soon
ZeoUnit chapter 25 . 11/11
Well that was fast update...
Either you had it ready and split in two or you updated/write this one really fast not sure to be honest... But its good to see it never the less.
The interaction between the dungeon keepers in this chapter looked interesting from the plot stand point im just not sure how long that alliance will be sustainable given their background as of now and so far. Time will tell how that would go but some things are clear from the very beginning that might end up as counterproductive for them. Most notable one would be that creatures from both sides would meet. It gives Fian huge HUGE opportunity to make problems to keepers. Sadly they are operating on the idea that he acts as every Dungeon keeper. It would be easily assume base from reaction of his minion to get to logical conclusion how/what would happened. The life status of creatures in Fian dungeon is inconceivably better from the stand point of the creatures. I think our dungeon keeper alliance is going for some nasty surprise if their plan gets to fruition.
The hero part of the chapter was welcome edition. No, really it felt nice to see more things happen in one chapter. I say one chapter because I would think last two chapters as one since both updates were very fast and it did give us nice lenght of the chapter combined.
The hero conversation was done really well. I really enjoyed with small comment from the knight and how he really pointed out some valid questions and issues that might and would probably happened when return. From heroes command post, stand point I kinda would understand if they thought that they switch sides but it would probably confusing for them also why would they comeback so there will be some sticky issues regarding their comeback not to mention that report from that spy that might make things more problematic for them.
To put it bluntly they never had any encounter to someone like Fian so far and they might not be so open minded. Hope nothing bad happens to Lifa. She is fragile as it is and she would be on first front attack from the command based on idea that she was the only one that was free at that time. With so much possible fanatical belief in command if that dwarf is any indication Lira might be walking in some interrogation that might show the other side of that "shiny coin" that is not visible for the "public" if you get what I'm saying. Just hope she will go trough all of it safe and sound.
The knight so far from all new characters looks the most interesting, he knows how to use His brain and same as before is not blinded and just dont go charging like rhino at things. He evaluates the situation and comes to conclusions that are pretty darn well on the mark and is willing to counter argue anyone on his thoughts and back them up in debates. I like him and with bit of luck we will see him develop even more as the story progress.
The Mistress was not shown in this chapter but we did get some information about her status in the hierarchy of her master dungeon keeper. She was by their very on words one of the best they had but they clearly look more annoyed that they died and not accomplished their mission. Not even try to send scouts to find out what happened or if any are still alive to bring them back. If they treat their "elite" that way I can't see much loyalty from the regular minions then. Of course it doesn't mean she might not try to be loyal or other minions as well but it does make of a big stretch that they would do that. If add in possible realization of some things how things are done at Fian it would be really hard pressed to see differently. Maybe more of defiance from her part for some kind of view of pride maybe, but not from the regular minions.

OK so far so good hopefully we will see more updates in the future. No need to rush.
Best wishes and good writing from ZeoUnit
Letomi chapter 25 . 11/11
OMG you are BACK! *.*
And we got two new chapters! xD
AWW poor thing she sound scared by Fian Maybe Melfy here could cheer her up to get her self loose a bit :3
The Horny and mentor were hilarius xD
The other keepers are making some crazy plans again cant wait to see how will this one bounce in their face x"D

The dwarf looks lost in his mind cant wait to see what he will do next. :D
The knight keeps surprising as he go 0.o his really use his brain not just his muscles xD
I really start to like him his one smart cookie :3
Alzor is still like caring dad to all in group and afraid for everyone :D
Lifa the messenger for Heros !? xD
But she is scare of almost everything cant wait to see how will this turn out :3
Wait what . executed!? X.X
Hope not i would really miss those guys :"(
Good to see you back we missed you x"D
Now kick those pen engine and start burning paper *.*
Hehe :3
LordGhostStriker chapter 24 . 11/11

but all jokes aside glad to have you back
ZeoUnit chapter 24 . 11/11
Hmm interesting development.
I wonder how would her situation resolve now. It would be kinda fun to see her reaction of how are creatures in Fian dungeon treated and their reaction if she try to insult him. I bet it would be one hell of a surprise for her, on that note I'm positive. I think she would not be able to at this point comprehend the notion that they generally care about their masters well being and not wanting to disappoint him , not out of fear they would be hurt but just don't want to of their own free will to do that or that he does not harm them without reason.
The encounter I think it would be be very interesting if Azrin and Krite would go to her to talk or they were trying to get information but in line with Fians words to her, hell maybe even Melfina and Lifa. Now that would be surprise that even Heroes are in here and are free to walk his dungeon on his turns of agreement.
The Mistress character so far looks ok. I like that she is not trusting right away. But its clear that her encounter with Fian was not without effects on her, Horny presents there could also be the case. Will she submit or will she try to put on hard front we shall see. If she do i think she would probably waste a lot of "good points" with Fian good side. Its understandable why she thinks that his words are all a farce and that he will not keep his end of the deal. I don't think base on what we seen in previous chapters that her master would shown same amount of care to her/his creatures as Fian is, so its reasonable to see her acting like this. we will need to wait and see how will her fate go, the easy path or harder, putting her start from the lowest step in Fian pyramid of power. It would be nice to see her point of view of what is happening to her. Is she angry that she was basically tossed to the wolfs by her master. Is she perfectly fine with it. Does she from her view of her last possible moments of life have any thoughts about it. maybe thinking some desperate plan to try to get her in safe spot, and keep herself alive. Pretty sure When push comes to shove at the end anything would be better in her eyes then death.

Maybe try to get some minions on her side? True it would not work if take in to account Fian's way of treating his minions. Fian's way of building loyalty is to much strong to be break technically by anything since he is very unique if you think about it, at least from creatures point of view. No way in hell they would risk destroying their good fortune that they found in him.
I just hope she will not end up with Horny extracting information's from her. I really hope she will not end up dead. I would much like her by his side. Now for her position in his ranks she will have to earn it carefully i think. As I mention before in earlier reviews, Fian operates on different principles then other Dungeon keepers so she will either adapt or she will have a crossing with Fian view how things need to be done, ending up been disciplined by him if we take in to a count what he said and did before about people that try to cross his line of rules.

I kinda was expecting to see more of the Heros interaction in this one or interaction between Heroes and Fians creatures specially Azrin, Krite with Melfina, Lifa and other Heroes to get more character development. Besides Melfina and Lifa i hope we will see more of that Knight that really stand out from others in earlier chapters. Hope we see more of him in the story.

The conversation between Mentor and Fian reveals that he might have some ideas how to use Mistress in more ways then one I think. But it seems when he said he will make "friends" i get the feeling he was not referring to the Keepers themselves more in the line of minions but we shall see about that. Frankly I don't see them joining him anytime now considering their personality and how they like to do things. they like their total control over their realm to much i think to give it up.

Horny was spot on the mark, I liked how you made him sound, really good job there. its pretty good how you made Mentor and Horny argue there for sometime about Horny's choice of who to spare for interrogation, it was kinda funny to read that one. It was really nicely put in to this chapter. Hope you will put similar stuff with other characters also if opportunity is presented for that.

All in all Chapter was nice, Good introduction of new character in to the story. Hopefully you will continue to develop them. You could try to(i know i sound like broken record) make bigger chapter by adding more different things happening between three sides you have now. Maybe after you write one side, you can make some on others also so we could get the feel how are other two sides doing that more things are happening in the story at once.
It would be nice to see if the keepers that send Mistress and others have any thoughts about them or do they even care or they are just angry at the their minions that they are so "useless" that they failed. what about Heroes side? Do they they are trying to find out what happen to the others? Is that spy come back to fins them is he on other assignment.
Hopefully we will get some more info in the next chapters.

Either way best wishes and Good writing from ZeoUnit
PS: Nice to see that you are back and continue to write this story.
Hope if you had any problem that prevented you to write are now taken care of and you can continue to write more of it.
Jeleu chapter 23 . 10/27
Cooooooool! .
when is the next part coming out this things ROCKS! 8Q... ?!
Chibi-reader chapter 23 . 10/22
Very nicely done with your characters. The chapters are mostly short but have good feel when read. Just add more content in single chapters to get them more longer and you will be fine. I wonder what will happened to that mistress that got unconscious at the end. I guess I will find out once there is a new update. God I hate to wait that long...
DarkSeed chapter 23 . 9/25
Looks interesting so far and looks it might get more serious on the long run. That in truth could make it even more fun to read. Seems that author stop updating hope I'm wrong.
chaosengine chapter 23 . 7/10
I expected something like a quick read and move on base on how short chapters are but it turns out this one is pretty good. Short as hell but darn good. When will there be new update? Any idea will the updates become longer?
Inkkni chapter 23 . 7/9
Pretty Cool story Mate. Like how you made things different in seance that he will not do things as minions and mentor is always thinking he should as normal keeper should do. So far the stuff i read puts Fian as far from that spot as it come. The guy use his brains not just pure raw power. Can be kind and compaction but it can be cruel also to put people in their place or punish them if they deserved. That been said really cant wait to see how would he deal with other keepers and surface world leaders. Also many say some stuff about new additional character in to Fian dungeon, that surviving Mistress might end up as pet or something as a trophy. Not sure how to think about that idea. I could see it as him showing her to her keeper to show how they failed to get him but then again some of the arguments about how things could go with her do make seance with her what she is and what we know of normal keepers. if things go the way some people things in here it would really be interesting to see that in polished form. Cant say it would not be intriguing Situation on how the Elf sisters, Melfina and Lifa or even normal minions would treat her as a newcomer and status some reviews suggesting in Fian dungeon.
Letomi chapter 23 . 6/15
Wow so many CHAPTERS! *.*
Looks like we finally seen some action from other keepers. :D
Poor Dark knight He died bravely but our little Horny just kick everyone's but ! x)
Cant wait to see what happened with survived Mistress! *.*
Some people in comments have crazy fun ideas! xD
But how would Melfina and Lifa react if something like in suggestion happened?! o.0
I mean sure the mistress probably torture many heroes and i can see them maybe even enjoy see her get her own medicine but not i cant see them enjoy that long. :3
The mentor in new chapters is simply to die from fun. xD

I cant wait to see more of it how will things go form here! :*.*:
Dont forget to update please! x"D
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