Reviews for Shadow of Love
lonni chapter 22 . 1/2/2013
okay, here we go
I am by no means bashing, flaming or whatever.
I'm leaving this review because I review every story I read, even when I don't like it that much, even if the story has been written ages ago and the author has meanwhile improved.
This fic is, IMO, average. Meaning the writing is not exceptional, but by no means bad (as it's the case with like 70% of the stories on this website). It's just, I guess, pointless. Meaning that, if you change the names of the characters, it could pass as an original story; as opposite to "really good" fics, that feels like they're just a deleted scene or a "what if" of the real story. Yours is OOC, and not by your fault. It simply shares the same defect as others in the Nolanverse fandom, Bruce/OC fics set between BB and TDK: Bruce getting involved with a "normal" OC in a few weeks tops, in a period in which canon-Bruce isn't supposed to care for anyone except Rachel. I am not saying that I don't appreciate the "what if: Bruce meets random girl he actually gets along with" plot twist, I'm just saying that, in canon, Bruce would have dismissed any girl, simply because there was no need for romance in the story at that point. If you would have set the story, let's say at the beginning of BB, before he mets Rachel again, then it would have worked better. Maybe making it so that Harvey meets Rachel *after* he's broken up with Marie, completely avoiding the whole "beta couple" feeling with "the exes" getting together.
And that was the first point I wanted to make.
The second is, you should work better on Marie. Your OC is by no means a Mary Sue, but she's not a "real" character yet - think Bella from Twilight, someone constructed to be "blank", without definited preferences or characterial tracts so every reader can identify with her. It's kind of a cheap way to write a character, especially in a romance story. Just think of it as a real life person - to fall in love with somebody you need more than just physical description (if any), familiar relations or basic info. You need quirks, you need vices and hobbies, you need personality. Think about it the next time you write an OC.
(Also, be careful with the way you handle the canon characters. For example, Alfred spending every chapter telling Bruce to go after Marie got really annoying after a while.. there's just so much OCness one can take.)
Third little thing, the dialogue. I distinctly remember a couple of lines that sounded totally phony and unrealistic, such as Marie's when talking about her father.. like "She loved his dearly" or "I can't say charming because you are either way" and "You are pretty misleading as well". No one talks like that, unless it's someone trying to sound posh, or a period character. That's the way you write, not the way you make the characters talk.
Same goes for what the characters say about themselves - it's something called "informed ability", look for it on TVTropes if you want. It's when a character says "I am So-and-so" but the writer won't - or can't - show the character actually BEING so-and-so. Show, don't tell. No serious character should ever say "my objective for life/ attitute toward work is:", you need to show the character doing so. Marie stating out loud that all she cares about it's her job - in chapter 5 i think - really cheapen-ed the character and ended up clashing with her resolution to stay in the US a few chapters later, especially since (again) she's staying mostly because of a guy she met literally days before.

I know this has been LONG and somehwhat harsh. I hope you'll read it, or someone else will, because I only aim to help, and this is now more of a "writing tips 101" than a review (I also really put effort into it, it kinda got away from me :P)
Happy New Year!
Blairx6661 chapter 14 . 12/11/2012
Woooowwwwww. All through this chapter I was jut lying in bed thinking "oh crap, oh crap, oh crap". This was intense as hell, I enjoyed it even if it did make me feel a little sad :)

xxx
Blairx6661 chapter 7 . 12/7/2012
This chapter was really sweet! I'm enjoying this so far:)

xxx
ElfinCleona chapter 22 . 10/27/2012
This is amazing! You did such a good job! Thank you for writing this!
ZabuzasGirl chapter 22 . 10/18/2012
Update immediately, please!
LunarShadowAngel chapter 5 . 8/2/2012
Curse you Harvey Dent! :O
Rae14 chapter 3 . 8/1/2012
Your story is great!
urmessismine chapter 22 . 4/21/2012
QOIAww theyre gt get married!:) can't wait to read the seaquel! My stupud computer is messin up everytime i press backspace it goes the begining nd uggg messes me up! Lol
urmessismine chapter 22 . 4/21/2012
QOIAww theyre gt get married!:) can't wait to read the seaquel! My stupud computer is messin up everytime i press backspace it goes the begining nd uggg messes me up! Lol
Yukira-Kuchiki chapter 22 . 4/21/2012
Finally! After all this time. Update soon.
sobreyra274 chapter 22 . 6/17/2011
i totally loved this story it was so amazing! you did a fantabulous job! best story ever! i love bruce and marie!
DeleteAccountInactive chapter 2 . 1/21/2011
Another great chapter, Marie took the news well. Can't wait to read the next one
DeleteAccountInactive chapter 1 . 1/21/2011
Great first chapter, poor Marie. I never thought I would dislike Harvey but after what he did I do.
Hi chapter 12 . 12/7/2010
Nice story, but the reason That puts me off from it is the main character. I love how she's a secceful doctor an all but I hate how she's still upset over Harvey. Sure it was a shock, but if he loves Rachel then she should know that it was never mention to be between them and that being angry at Harvey and Rachel won't solve anything. She's too dramatic and if she wants to stop loving/hating Harvey then she should forgive and forget. Other than the overly dramatic leading lady, this is a great fanfic!
Mishelle20 chapter 22 . 11/30/2010
Amazing fic; I definately enjoyed reading it.
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