|Reviews for Harry Potter and the Lord's Lament|
| ubetiburn chapter 13 . 6/17/2013
So glad to see that you dusted off the keyboard, greased up the gerbil's exercise wheel and with a powerful cliff hanger! Thanks for that.
Seriously though, welcome back. I am so glad that I do not clear out any of the updates I am scheduled for as you never know when the urge might bite you (the author). You updated two days ago, let's see if you update again within the next four as today.
Thanks for the long awaited update to what was a very interesting story. Cool beans, that.
| Meh chapter 13 . 6/17/2013
Sorry one more thing I forgot to mention. If you're going to introduce things you've made up please make sure they're logical. The fact that Harry trusted the voice in his head from day one seems odd, since he has no way of knowing whether or not this is someone he should trust.
The other is your concept of Matriarch's Will. This is something that would never make sense. If there was such a thing why did none of the Blacks use it to force Sirius or Andromeda to fall in line with the family beliefs as that was something you stated it was for? It's also used to break children of bad habits, well then why hasn't Neville been broken of his clumsiness, shyness, and numerous other faults?
Just something extra to keep in mind.
| Meh chapter 13 . 6/17/2013
Wow, over 73,000 words and still I have yet to see any semblance of a plot. It's obvious you enjoy writing and that's fine in an of itself, but when you've spent that many words and 13 chapters writing and are still talking about the summer before 5th year I question how long you plan for this story to be. There are definitely spelling and grammar mistakes that other reviewers have mentioned (ex: "Treacy" multiple times instead of "Tracy"), but your those are minor quibbles that can be fixed with proper checking.
Your biggest issues involve pacing (again you're STILL in the summer before 5th year), characterization (the Order of the Phoenix all are more or less fine with the abuse of Harry, Dumbledore stomping around and throwing tantrums), and the need to create a ceremony for everything as well as using formal language all the time (in the end even if they are all pureblood nobles, they're still teenagers and it seems strange that they would talk so formally all the time).
I understand that you want to show Harry as how he'd be if grew up properly with his parents. This is fine, but to make them all act so mature for their age it becomes unrealistic. You have so many ideas and while it's to be applauded, there's something to be said for being concise too. One of the first things you learn in a creative writing class is the notion of 'show, not tell'. The bit about the spell they were putting on Dumbledore for example was one big paragraph when you could have just explained it through a few lines of dialog. On the other hand sometimes it's important to show too, like the part where you had Harry being interviewed about his time with the Dursley's. It was all dialog and you never once showed any of their reactions, which makes it look like they didn't care at all.
And finally, my last gripe with your story is that Harry and Daphne have barely interacted or even met and they're already in a relationship. It seems very rushed ironically. By no means am I suggesting you have nothing but romantic scenes all the time, just something a bit more substantial is all.
Anyways this is becoming too long as it is. To sum it up, turn down the over-exaggerated a notch and start trimming things down so it's not so long. I can tell you're passionate about writing and this fandom which is great, you just need to know when to draw the line. You also need to show more of a plot because all this reclaiming his birthright is all well and good but is it leading to something? Basically, so what that he's reclaiming everything? Isn't Voldemort still out there? I don't recall you ever mentioning him even which is incredible in a not so good way. What you seem to want to write about seems better suited to a story about Harry after the war so there's not Voldemort go even talk about.
Please don't think this is a flame, it's constructive criticism.
| phhsdj chapter 13 . 6/17/2013
Keep going i love it
| JPElles chapter 13 . 6/16/2013
Good to see this updated.
| CourtingTheMoon chapter 13 . 6/16/2013
This story is well developed in plot. Now all you need to do is dig deeper into the relationships. The Seamus/Hermione coupling won't work but I can see Kiley/Draco working fine with a long courtship and Harry straightening out Malfoy. I do hope that this will be Harry/Daphne/Tracey but then you should add one more. Harry will become lord Black because of his Black blood and being Sirius' godson, that would mean he needed a wife for that name. I suggest making it Daphne/Tracey/Fleur/Harry, she met and talked to them at the party and has a thing for Harry, anyway, I love it so far and want to see more. Keep it up.
| amg.supernatural chapter 13 . 6/16/2013
| randver chapter 13 . 6/16/2013
awesome update. I'm looking forward to reading more.
| Erlic chapter 13 . 6/16/2013
Thing are moving again.. I have always enjoyed this story, glad too see you are updating more often.
| Cassandra30 chapter 13 . 6/16/2013
Excellent! Someone need to take care of the little guy.
| darklightuk chapter 13 . 6/16/2013
Yaay your back.
Yaay we get to see the 'gargoyle' side of things.
I am enjoying this story. I only prempt my fears and hope the pace stays similar as if read to many stories which have a great HP gains power, HP throws of his schackles, HP goes to war, build up. then suddenly everything happens instantly and the story crumbles.
So here is me wishing you the best with this story, hoping things keep pace, and eager for the next instalment
| Jamesk19 chapter 3 . 6/16/2013
great chapter that court case was handled epicly
| Jamesk19 chapter 2 . 6/16/2013
great 2nd chapter wonder how the trial will go will be interesting to read
| Jamesk19 chapter 1 . 6/16/2013
great 1st chapter like how in the one chapter you got the story in motion and still kept it interesting and not rushed
| CalliM chapter 13 . 6/16/2013
I am so happy you are continuing this lovely story! It is such a pleasure. Thank you for sharing it with us.